Taxes, Tea Parties, and FOX News

Well it’s Tax Day, Ladies and Gentlemen.

Sharpen those pencils, get out the calculators, and mail those tax returns in. Or…

Go to the nearest Teabag Party!!

That’s right…

A bi-partisan group of individuals, (read, right-wing "visionaries" such as Dick Armey, Grover Norquist, and Newt Gingrich) is throwing “grassroots”, anti-tax, anti-socialism, anti-Obama demonstrations, known as tea parties, across the country today.

And guess who will be giving protesting inbreds across America wall-to-wall coverage? That’s right…FOX News!!

Of course, FOX News claims they are not promoting these Teabag orgies. They are just simply covering four of these events because it’s hard news.

FOX’s Cavuto, Beck, Hannity, and Van Sustern will be tea bagging live for your viewing enjoyment!!

I’ll be at work, but I hope to catch the replay of Glenn Beck’s appearance at the teabag party in San Antonio. Hell, Ted Nugent is going to play the National Anthem at that one.

Beck and Nugent will tea bagging each other, baby. Who will be the tea bagger and the tea baggee, I’m unsure.

I mean Teddy has that long flowing, girly hair, and yet Beck, like a woman, cries on cue and wants everyone to look into his eyes. I think those two tea bagging is more akin to train wreck-like chick on chick action.

The whole tea party idea is based on the 1773 event in which Americans protested British taxation by pouring tea into Boston Harbor.

“No taxation without representation!!”, they clamored. Who among these protesters don’t have representation? And…

What increase in taxes are they clamoring about? I think we are still under the tax rates of the Bush administration, aren’t we?

I know Obama wants to raise the tax rates on the very top income earners, but even then, his top rate will still be 10% less than it was during the Reagan Administration.

So…um…what? Okay, maybe their message is about keeping America from becoming a Socialist state. I can see that…

I mean before we know it, we’ll have unemployment insurance, Medicare, Social Security, Rural Electrification, free/reduced school lunches, and one day we may wake up and the entire Tennessee Valley will be under some type of Authority!!

Oh the Humanity!!

Yeah, I think they may have missed the Federally subsidized bus on the socialism thing. Of course that does leave these folks and FOX News with one other angle…

Bash Obama!!

These tea bagging parties could very well end up turning into anti-Obama rallies, the likes that have never been seen.

Obama’s reputation may be forever sullied on a nationwide scale as men teabag with men…women teabag with women, and children teabag with their parents.

But wait just a minute…

Perhaps that is exactly what President Obama wants. After all…

A guy who is an Uber-Liberal, America-Hating, Kenyan Born, Muslim and who was elected President of the United States would want all of that free perverted tea bagging going on.

It keeps the masses distracted and spent, and leaves Obama free to ruin the country.

Damn…Obama is one smart, bad ass, frickin’ genius.

Cheers!!

Update (12:45): In the Heart of the Boston Tea Party...Fox News reports that the, and I quote, "The Fascist budget" has drawn hundreds to the Tea Bagging Party in Boston...

Get Your Hand Out of My Chips!!

Sunday morning I was watching Fox and Friends Weekend.

Yes, I watch it on the weekends because well...

The two dudes are not incredibly hateable like their weekday counterparts, Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade.

And…

Unlike Fox and Friends weekday Gumby Gal, Gretchen Carlson, Alisyn Camerota can put complete sentences together and is smokin’ hot.

Anyhoo…

They had uber-nutjob and founder of National Action Against Obesity (NAAO), MeMe Roth on. Oh, how I loathe her simple, skinny ass.

She’s a Food Nazi who has called for boycotts of Girl Scout cookies, said that Jordin Sparks should not have won American Idol because she’s fat, and wants junk food banned altogether.

She’s a goofball and media whore, and her appearance on F&F just fired me up about this whole movement to tax and/or ban “junk food”.

Roth is far from alone in the movement to tax or ban certain products. Governor Patterson of New York wants to tax sodas that are high in sugar.

It’s all because there is a childhood obesity epidemic and the Guv wants nothing but the best of health for the cheeeeldren.

Oh, and the 1.2 BILLION Dollars the tax would generate for the state would be nice too.

Individuals and advocacy groups popping up over the issue of junk food related obesity are almost always involved in the cause for one of two reasons.

Either they want to generate money through taxes or…

THEY CAN’T MIND THEIR OWN DAMN BUSINESS, BECAUSE THEY THINK THEY KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR OTHERS!!

Jesus Christ, now dig it…

Weekday mornings I watch Morning Joe on MSNBC. It’s hosted by Joe Scarborough, a former U.S. Rep from Florida.

He’s quite the conservative, but I find him funny and they have really good and varied guests on.

The only drawback to his show? His co-host, Mika Brzezinski.

Oh dear God, she is a Junk Food Nazi just like MeMe Roth.

She finds it super duper that smoking is banned in all places but one’s bathroom.

And, she loves the fact that Gov. Patterson wants to tax soda.

She think it’s “cool” because he is taxing things that are bad for people.

She often berates Scarborough for his weight and sometimes refers to herself as, “Mommy”. Uh-Huh, if that doesn’t hit the societal nail on the head.

Some people want to be everyone’s mommy and dictate how they live. I’ve got two words for Mommy Brzezinski and others of her self-rightgeous ilk…

Get Stuffed!!

Because of people like these, laws have been enacted that force us to wear seatbelts, helmets, and in turn, veto our personal choices and responsibility.

They have grossly exaggerated the effects of second hand smoke which has forced smokers to hide in the shadows while paying exorbitant taxes. And now…

These same people want to tell us what to eat and drink, all in the name of the children.

Gimme a break. It’s all about the money and busy-bodyism.

So, Food Nazis, let me eat my junk food tax free and guilt free, because while it might not be good for me, it tastes so much better than the line of bullshit that you are feeding me.

Cheers!!

Flushing Away Deductions

I have yet to fill my tax return out. I am going to be doing them tonight. I no longer have a house, or a child deduction, or…well I aint got squat to deduct anymore. So I felt that this year I would get creative and really check into little known yet highly questionable legal deductions.

First of all the Bagwine abode is more than a cozy apartment, that after incessant begging I was graciously invited to live in several years ago by Schmoop. It is home to the Bagwine Center for Societal Improvement and Libido Studies. I have built myself into a “think tank”…others do it, why not me. By becoming a think tank I not only can help change the world for the better, I can now take advantage of some really nifty tax deductions.

For instance, I can deduct a certain amount of money on the bathroom for depreciation and office space. When I am sitting on the john trying to pinch a loaf while reading Time, Newsweek, or Prison Bitches in Heat, I am also doing research on the whys and whereasses as to who we are and where we are headed. I know, I am one multi-tasking SOB, baby. Leave a load, take a deduction, it’s that simple.

I can even save on my taxes while taking a shower. I have initiated a study to determine the correlation of water temperature to the ejaculation times in a drunken 42 year old male. The results have been staggering and the write off even more so!! Hell, my friends have been referring to me as, H&R Cock…such kidders.

I am able to write off the cost of my new digital camera because I have been using it to take provocative pictures of my cat Corky. I then take the pictures to a local nursing home for art therapy sessions, to see what, if any, effect Kitty Porn has on the elderly…A study long overdue in my opinion.

Last year when we had the case of people getting sick from fresh spinach, I went to the grocery and bought several cuts of meat including prime rib and ribeye steaks. I was wondering if this meat was affected in any way by being in the same store with tainted spinach. My results on that seemed to indicate, no. The study did produce a result that I hadn’t planned on. It turns out that steak is much more juicy, tender, and tasty when you charge it to the government. Astonishing!!

I am writing off my the cost of my hospital stay last September, because I was injured during a study to determine if a vodka enema was a safe and effective way to treat hemorrhoids. The answer is no, but it does produce some of the greatest hallucinations ever recorded. I now know what it would be like to have a three way with Rachel Ray and a talking salmon all within the confines of a Stalin-era gulag. Yum-Oh!!? Nyet!!

Well, I hope I have been able to not only let you know a little more about the great work our center is doing, but also provide you with some useful tax-time tips. Until tomorrow my friends, Cheers!!