I Miss Bill Clinton

When I look back some three decades there are some things I miss from my childhood.

I miss first and foremost, my mom and dad of course, but there are a few other things that I miss as well.

I miss riding my bike in the summer sun as the pollen laden wind smacked me in the face and made me sneeze.

I miss the smell of fried baloney sandwiches on a warm summer day.

I miss a big pot of chili simmering on the stove on Christmas Eve as mom would stir it while wearing an ugly, ill-fitting, floral patterned apron.

Yeah…I miss those things from my childhood, but you know what I miss from my adulthood?

Aside from missing the night that Schmoop said to me:

“You are the first man to have ever given me an orgasm.”

I miss Bill Clinton.

As the mid-term elections draw near, the economy continues to sputter, and nay-saying, tea bagging candidates steep in their stupidity, I miss former President Clinton more and more.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t dislike President Obama, but the man is so cerebral, if he was getting a blow job from Michelle, he would say to himself…

“This is very pleasing, and my prostate thanks you for your efforts.”

Prior to the O-Man, we had Dubya who was quite the opposite. A forceful and matter-of-fact bastard whom I can hear uttering:

“I dig the Mexicans, but if they continue to kidnap Americans, I’ll cut their fucking heads off and make me a burrito sandwich out of the leftover shit.”

On the other hand, prior to both of these guys there was the Obama/Dubya mixture that was Bill Clinton.

President Clinton was the perfect storm of intelligence, foresight, national sensitivity, and you know what…I miss him.

Even to this day, when Clinton speaks, he not only says something intelligent, he illuminates how desperately this nation needs a political giant like him.

I understand the frustration of this country’s electorate, but c’mon….If the answer to the frustration is to vote for Sharron Angle, Joe Miller, Christine O’Donnell, and Carl “Fucking” Paladino? Screw It.

Oh, Dear God. They…are…morons. And…if you are one who is inclined to vote for those morons, YOU are a moron too.

I know…I know…FOX News, Rush Limbaugh, and Sean “Blockhead” Hannity will say my comment is elitist, but seriously, how can I be an elitist when I live in Bagwine, Ohio?

Fuck Em’ All.

If you vote for any of those folks or think that Sarah Palin would make a good President, you are stupid and must be shot, poisoned, or otherwise killed.

And that’s that.

But what about my right to vote and my First Amendment rights, you ask?

Ha…If you are voting for any of the folks I mentioned, you have no right to anything other than a government grant because you are obviously a thalidomide victim.

Anyhoo…

I guess my point is, people running for office today, suck. Big Time.

I miss Bill Clinton. I miss Statesmanship. I miss intelligence.

I don’t care how many chicks he had sex with.

I’ll take horny and smart over stupid and well, stupid, anytime.

Cheers!!

You can catch Jay and I discussing the stupid state of politics more thouroughly by listening to our I'm with Stupid Blog Talk Radio Show from yesterday:

Listen to internet radio with Im With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio

Dick Armey Drunk on FOX News

I just watched an interview of former House Leader and Tea Party front man Dick Armey on FOX and Friends.

He was stammering and slurring as he attempted to answer questions given by Gretchen "Vacuous" Carlson and Brian "Deer in the Headlights" Kilmeade.

Am I the only one who noticed his apparent intoxication? Please tell me I am not. I think the dude was drunk. And I'm not being figurative...

He seemed blottoed to me.

Cheers!!

Health Care Reform Passes...Right Wingers Head To The Emergency Room

I have Health Care reform on the brain on this, what we shall call, Healthcare Fallout Monday or what some of the more paranoid in our society are calling, The Day America Died at the Hands of a Renegade Kenyan.

Yes folks, Obama Care…Health Care Reform…The Leftists Wiping Their Asses With The Constitution, whatever you want to call it has passed the House, 219-212.

And folks…

There is much wailing and gnashing of the teeth among frenzied, God-fearing, right-wing mouth breathers who are melting down their gold fillings, buying their survival seeds, and putting their glossies of Glenn Beck and Ann Coulter into nuclear-proof, archival sheet protectors.

President Obama and the Democratically controlled Congress have not only sent this nation down the "Road to Perdition" they have sent every Sarah Palin loving Son of a Bitch into an irreversible state of apoplexy.

I hope these fucked up teabaggin’ fatalists have a good health care plan, because man…merely listenin’ to Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity everyday isn’t going to be enough to resuscitate these folks this time.

I was listening to a right wing radio talk show out of Columbus, Ohio while at work Sunday, and what sounded to be a lady in her fifties called in and through her audible sobbing said to the fear mongering host:

“Since Wednesday, when I saw that this Health Care Bill had a possibility to pass, I have been unable to cope.”

I was transfixed to the radio, no really. I turned my head, stared at the radio, and with mouth agape as I walked toward the psychotic voice emanating from the radio, I spoke:

“You have been crying and unable to cope for nearly five days over this? Holy Shit Bitch…If anyone needs health care it’s you…and quickly!!”

Oy Vay!!

Listen now…I am not a big fan of this bill, nor I am big fan of Pelosi; I loathe Harry Reid, and I am ambivalent about Obama, however…

I am sure as hell not afraid of any of them or worried that our country is on the brink of collapse or a Communist takeover.

Do you know why? ‘Cause unlike these, Chicken Little, The Socialistic Sky Is Falling, whistle dicks crying into their copy of Bill O’Reilly’s latest book, I trust our Constitution.

These freaks who are crying that our Constitution is being trashed and want it followed, actually have no faith in the very document which they claim to honor.

If they did, they would relax and exercise their right to vote out nearly anyone who voted yes on this bill should they feel the need come November. Hell in 2012, they can vote Obama out.

I’m sure there’ll be plenty of lawsuits claiming that this bill is unconstitutional. When these lawsuits make it to the Supreme Court, if all or parts of the bill are deemed unconstitutional, the Supreme Court will say as much.

So relax, and all of you walking, talking freak shows, let the Constitution that you claim to love so much, work…

Unless of course, instead of truly desiring the glorious words of the U.S. Constitution to be followed, you just want your own inglorious desires to be followed.

No matter, how all of this Health Care Reform crap plays out in the long run, we will as a nation be okay. We always have been, sometimes in spite of ourselves.

And watching the demonstrations of incredibly histrionic displays of anger by some Obama hating, teabag gin’ assholes over this entire episode, this is one of those “in spite of ourselves” times.

Cheers!!

Michele Bachmann: Tea Bagging Her Way To Fame

The health care “debate” in spite of my thinking that it could sink no lower, has plummeted to a nadir that even nattering nabobs of negativism would be hard pressed to believe.

In fact, if I were to channel the ancient spirit of Spiro Agnew, he would probably react to this new line of “debate” by saying, “What the fuck?”

Yesterday, the semi-saucy and full on crazy Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) held a rally in Washington D.C.

Ms. Bachmann Pancake Turner Nosedive feels that any health care reform bill put forth by the Democrats is nothing more than a coup attempt by Communist pigs to convert our land of milk and honey into a trough of rotten beets and cheap vodka.

Okay, I exaggerated…Bachmann has no clue as to what the word “coup” means, but you get my point.

Bachmann helped to gather 4,000 or so tea baggers to Capitol Hill.

Angry and feeling as if they have no voice, these 4,000 people who traveled to D.C. upon the Federal Interstate Highway system, protected along the way by gasoline tax funded state troopers, and enjoying assembly security provided by the National Parks Department, shouted down the government.

These folks ripped up copies of Pelosi’s health care bill… a bill that even if they did have time to read, would be unable to read it. There’s all of those polysyllabic words and such after all.

Mary Beth Bishop of Colorado summed up the burning anger of the protestors by saying:

"We need to show up and uphold the Constitution. It wasn't written on toilet paper."

Very deep Mary Beth, but don’t assume…Times were tough in America when the Constitution was penned and it very well could have been written on toilet paper in order to save money. But I digress.

Speaking of the Constitution, fellow Ohioan and House Minority Leader John Boehner proudly waved a copy of the Constitution while quoting the Declaration of Independence and its holding of certain truths to be self-evident.

Simple mistake…Kinda like the time when the Apostle Matthew waved around the Magdalen Papyrus containing the teachings of the Beatitudes while speaking of the incestuous shenanigans of Lot and his daughters.

It’s understandable. Boehner probably has many a brain miscue due to absorbing far too many gamma rays during his far too frequent tanning bed sessions.

Of course, Bachmann did put a couple of deep thinkers into her program. She brought along thalidomide victim, Rep. Virginia “Matthew Shepard Being Killed Because He Was Gay Is a Hoax” Foxx (R-NC).

And of course in attendance were Jon Voight and John Ratzenberger (aka Cliff from Cheers) better known to those in high brow right wing circles as the Remus and Romulus of Conservative thought.

Seriously…I don’t get it. Other than the oddball guy who digs a middle aged chick who is in need of breast augmentation and a lobotomy reversal, who in the hell follows a nut job like Michele Bachmann?

Hell…Maybe it is I who is crazy. Perhaps I am some sort of anachronism that foolishly lives in an era when the thoughts of Paine, Jefferson, and Madison ruled the day.

I don’t know…All I know is that if Bachmann and those who follow her manage to gain influence over the direction of this country, we are in a world of hurt…

Not only because idiots like those will control the government, but there could very well end up being a remake of Dumb and Dumber starring Jon Voight and John Ratzenberger.

Cheers!!

Tea Party March On Washington, D.C.: FOX News And Glenn Beck Aren't Fair and Balanced; They're Steeping The Tea!!

I mentioned yesterday that I was just flat out pissed off and disgusted with what I saw on the FOX News coverage of the Tea Party march on Washington, D.C.

As one who appreciates loud, proud, and sassy civil disobedience, don’t think for a moment that I feel that these tea baggers shouldn’t have descended on our Nation’s Capitol.

However…I was disturbed by a couple of things that I saw.

First of all FOX News…

I heard inflated attendance numbers given by the moronic numb nut Griff Jenkins. I watched and listened to Glenn Beck heaping praise upon the protestors as his eyes “welled-up” with pride.

Former Congressman and House Majority Leader Dick Armey, whose group FreedomWorks Foundation has sponsored and financed many of these events, talked about the “spontaneous and grassroots” movement that is taking place.

Many in the crowd, when placed in front of a FOX News microphone by the aforementioned Griff Jenkins, returned the praise given by Glenn Beck by thanking him and FOX News for helping to get their message out.

Fair and Balanced, alright. FOX News is as fair as Rachel Maddow is an open-minded chick who likes guys and as balanced as Keith Olbermann is not a guy who is full of himself. Puhleeeeze, how the hell do you guys say that with a straight face?

Anyhoo…The Teabaggers…I heard the same old tired crap. “Obama is a Socialist!!” Now, let me do my best Joe Pesci and ask:

A Socialist, how? A Marxist? A Trotskyite? A Stalinist? An Uber-Hot, Blonde, Swedish Chick Who Lives in Stockholm? Exactly what do you mean by Socialist? Oh that’s right…You haven’t a God Damn clue!!

Then I saw posters and signs throwing the tired, old Nazi label on Obama.

Hmmmm…The only time I have ever seen a black Nazi was when I saw the late Ivan Dixon portray one a couple of times on Hogan’s Heroes during one of their wacky, wartime capers.

Glenn Beck recently released a book titled, “Glenn Beck’s Common Sense”. The title sums up the book correctly, well…halfway anyway.

It’s Beck’s book alright, I mean, other than the title that he creatively borrowed from Thomas Paine, but it’s far from common sense.

And the tea baggers who marched on D.C. Saturday that Beck helped to inspire, displayed the same lack of common sense that spews from Beck’s mouth on a daily basis.

I heard shouts of, “We’re losing our liberties!!” “It’s Communism!!” Hell, I was fully expecting someone to echo Beck’s words that we are now living under an “Oligarhy”. Ha.

The folks that FOX News showed and had talk on camera just threw out quick lines that injected some sense of losing freedom, Communism, Nazism, or otherwise dictatorial intent on the part of the Obama administration.

Get over it. Protest all you want. Protest loudly. Have fun with it. But please, I beg of you…

Could you refrain from merely throwing out invectives and vagaries? Seriously…put some thought into what you are protesting and put an argument behind it.

Do this not, and I will call upon Ivan Dixon to return from the dead, and in all of his Nazi glory, gun you down with his Schmeisser.

Tomorrow…I will announce the name and direction of the independent third political party that I am establishing.

Until then…I am working a rare day time shift today, so play nice while I am gone. If you can, try to keep folks in line, Phfrankie.

Cheers!!

Taxes, Tea Parties, and FOX News

Well it’s Tax Day, Ladies and Gentlemen.

Sharpen those pencils, get out the calculators, and mail those tax returns in. Or…

Go to the nearest Teabag Party!!

That’s right…

A bi-partisan group of individuals, (read, right-wing "visionaries" such as Dick Armey, Grover Norquist, and Newt Gingrich) is throwing “grassroots”, anti-tax, anti-socialism, anti-Obama demonstrations, known as tea parties, across the country today.

And guess who will be giving protesting inbreds across America wall-to-wall coverage? That’s right…FOX News!!

Of course, FOX News claims they are not promoting these Teabag orgies. They are just simply covering four of these events because it’s hard news.

FOX’s Cavuto, Beck, Hannity, and Van Sustern will be tea bagging live for your viewing enjoyment!!

I’ll be at work, but I hope to catch the replay of Glenn Beck’s appearance at the teabag party in San Antonio. Hell, Ted Nugent is going to play the National Anthem at that one.

Beck and Nugent will tea bagging each other, baby. Who will be the tea bagger and the tea baggee, I’m unsure.

I mean Teddy has that long flowing, girly hair, and yet Beck, like a woman, cries on cue and wants everyone to look into his eyes. I think those two tea bagging is more akin to train wreck-like chick on chick action.

The whole tea party idea is based on the 1773 event in which Americans protested British taxation by pouring tea into Boston Harbor.

“No taxation without representation!!”, they clamored. Who among these protesters don’t have representation? And…

What increase in taxes are they clamoring about? I think we are still under the tax rates of the Bush administration, aren’t we?

I know Obama wants to raise the tax rates on the very top income earners, but even then, his top rate will still be 10% less than it was during the Reagan Administration.

So…um…what? Okay, maybe their message is about keeping America from becoming a Socialist state. I can see that…

I mean before we know it, we’ll have unemployment insurance, Medicare, Social Security, Rural Electrification, free/reduced school lunches, and one day we may wake up and the entire Tennessee Valley will be under some type of Authority!!

Oh the Humanity!!

Yeah, I think they may have missed the Federally subsidized bus on the socialism thing. Of course that does leave these folks and FOX News with one other angle…

Bash Obama!!

These tea bagging parties could very well end up turning into anti-Obama rallies, the likes that have never been seen.

Obama’s reputation may be forever sullied on a nationwide scale as men teabag with men…women teabag with women, and children teabag with their parents.

But wait just a minute…

Perhaps that is exactly what President Obama wants. After all…

A guy who is an Uber-Liberal, America-Hating, Kenyan Born, Muslim and who was elected President of the United States would want all of that free perverted tea bagging going on.

It keeps the masses distracted and spent, and leaves Obama free to ruin the country.

Damn…Obama is one smart, bad ass, frickin’ genius.

Cheers!!

Update (12:45): In the Heart of the Boston Tea Party...Fox News reports that the, and I quote, "The Fascist budget" has drawn hundreds to the Tea Bagging Party in Boston...