Through out this Lenten season, I haven’t really talked about religionGod spoke to me last night, and put a prophetic word into my ear.
Well, after he told me a joke about Moses, Jesus, and Helen Keller.
Old Helen gets parted and healed by those two, but not in the way you think!!
The Almighty is a hoot!!
Anyhoo, His Heavenly Honcho wants me to build a chain of Biblically marketed fast food restaurants.
We first discussed the name of the eateries.
We thought about perhaps calling it “Bagel King”. Then God and I chuckled about maybe calling it, “Jack on a Cross”.
We finally settled on “McSavior’s”.
Look out Ronald McDonald, there‘s a new grease grinder on the block, and we’re gonna nail your creepy, saturated ass to the wall.
We will be offering the typical fast food fare. You know, Burgers, Fries, and Milk and Honey Shakes. But there are some divine twists…
We will have a messy sandwich that is made out of a Manwich type of concoction.
It contains tomato sauce, ground beef, spices, and a whole bunch of despair. We call it, the Sloppy Job…
We kinda borrowed an idea from White Castle. Our joints will offer a mini steamed burger like theirs.
Ours, however, is made from slow cooked shredded rump roast, and it’s called the Sodom Slider.
Just like the White Castle version…Heaven Forbid when it works it’s way through your system and goes out your backdoor!!
We have an awesome French Dip Sandwich as well. Thinly sliced beef, Swiss cheese, on a warm French baguette.
How is this Bible-Related?
It is served with the best damn Au Jew sauce you have ever tasted.
For all of you Jewish men out there who prefer a daring dining experience, you can order one of our delicious Shiksa-Ka-Bobs.
Yum Oh, and Oy Vay, baby!!
Our signature sandwich is made of two all lamb patties, special oil, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a marble rye bun…
We call it the Big Maccabee.
It‘s a Menorah of a Meal, and will keep you full for at least eight days.
Of course, if you want to make your sandwich your way, order it plain, and take it over to our Crucifixin’s Bar.
All of these items are available as an Apostolic Combo Meal, I-XII.
Whether you are looking for a meal of good value, or salvation on a bun, we offer you both.
And a word of caution to McDonald’s, Wendy’s, Burger King, and all the other chains…
Don’t mess with us, because we all know what can happen…
See you tomorrow for Half Nekkid Thursday!!
Cheers!!
82 comments:
lolololol
Big Maccabee
crucifixn' bar
too funny!
Leelee: Ha...Thanks. I resurrected the "Crucifixin's Bar" from a post I did a long time ago. Cheers!!
you need some kind of twisted sandwich on the menu to go with your mind! Let me know when you franchise.
....."he'll fuck you up.." be very careful.
Peace
Lisa: Calling my mind "twisted" is an affront to the Lord. Repent!! Cheers!!
Odat: Ain't that duh truth? Cheers!!
I think you had better add the McMary Magdalene, for all of your fellow politicians!
haha crazy video, I be chuckling about that all day!Now I go to have fresh veal with eggs!!
Dana: Her name kept going through my mind, but I couldn't think of anything funny. Cheers!!
Roger: It's a hoot alright. Enjoy the Veal. Mmmmmmmm Veal. Cheers!!
it's gold Jerry....gold
;-)
Leelee; On No!! Don't get me started. Why do they call it Ovaltine? They should call it Roundtine. Cheers!!
“McSavior’s”
OH my my that would SO go over in Missouri~~
{Sorry to anyone from Miz-or-ee}
Gee Matt, seems like you could have worked Spitzer and Mary Magdalene in there somehow. After all, you are the best!
What? No side of Friars with my Maccabee?
Golly! I can't wait till one comes to ...my town!
Dana: I know, but Mary Magdalene, contrary to wide held belief, was not a prostitute. Cheers!!
Starr: Damn It!! I was trying to think of something for fries. Nice job. Cheers!!
Micky: You will eat free Micky. Cheers!!
Cheesy: John Ashcroft would be first in line. Cheers!!
I can't decide whether to kiss you or smack you. Either way, you have me convulsing, baby.
Think I need to vomit.
There's no one more giving than you Matty!
Songbird: Why not do both!? I love it when yoou convulse. Happy Vomit. Cheers!!
Leighann: I should be given a living Sainthood. Cheers!!
You have the best dreams ever! I wanna sleep with you!
Winter: This wasn't a dream. He spoke to me while I was watching an episode of Johnny Bravo.
But feel free to sleep with me. Cheers!!
Why is it that you're the wretch, but I'm the one retching?
Songbird: God works in mysterious ways. I don't question it. I merely accept it. Cheers!!
I notice a lot of meat concoctions on your list. Must me getting closer to the end of your meat free run.
Jeff: Eleven days my good man, eleven lonnnng days. Cheers!!
I love that you resurrected the Crucifixin's Bar!
Au Jew - thanks for the laugh!
Mo: You're Welcome. Mazel Tof, and Cheers!!
This idea just might work! You could probably put a store in at the new Creation Museum in Kentucky. And maybe you can put franchises in all the mega-churches all across the country. It's brilliant.
Jay: The Creation Museum idea is brilliant. Maybe Benny Hinn would let me put one in his Church.
I could sell a Beef "Talking in Tongues" Sandwich. Of course he would want to sell them for a love gift of $5,000.00. Cheers!!
Matt: I thought Jack on a cross was excellent and the crucifixins bar, as only you Dude, as only you. :)
The Mary McMagdalane would be your fish sandwich correct. Served with or without Cheesus.
Lu: Thanks!! Mary Magdalene, Fish? Hmmmmmm. She deserves better than that. Perhaps some kind of warm pie would be appropriate. Cheers!!
They've got religious amusement parks...why not fast food too?
You should seriously do this and then I'll open a franchise out here in Orange County.
Hah. Those were great. I don't even want to know what happens if I ask to have it super sized...
Beef "Talking in Tongues" Sandwich....lol...OY!
GB: It's a deal...You can help me to design the uniforms for our workers too. All of whom, of course, I want to look like you. Cheers!!
VE: We don't Super Size...We Goliath Size!! Cheers!!
Leelee: Ha. Benny is such a source of humor to me. Cheers!!
You have not thought of your chicken loving cliente...
lu' was close...There is definitely a need for Chicken McMagdalene
"It is served with the best damn Au Jew sauce you have ever tasted."
Hey, I am calling the ADL on you!! As soon as I stop laughing at this.
Now I am craving some of Jesus's tacos hehe. :p
LOL@ Lu! The fish sandwich w/ cheesus just cracked me up!
I have to say that this was a funny post. I can't believe that you would come up with all of this stuff and yet find Squirrel sex offensive!
Happy Hump day, Matt!
Bond: I'm still not feeling the love on that one. She was a complex woman worthy of a intricate fast food item. Cheers!!
Offended: The ADL is such a surly lot. They're as bad as the Catholic League.
Jesus Tacos? Using only one tortilla shell we could feed the multitudes. I hope he cant turn water into Taco Sauce. Cheers!!
Metal: I loathe squirrels. Especially when they're bangin' their nuts on each other. Cheers!!
Matt-Man you are have lack of meat hallucinations. That's what it is. You need an extra large hot dog with all the trimmings. That'll fix you right up. Bwahahahahaha. Have a great day. :)
I'm hungry. I'd like a burger with all the crucifixin's please!
Ummm... The Cherry Mary Magdaline Smoothie. Loaded with anti-orthodoxicants.
Sandee: I forgot to put the Peter Dawg on the menu. You just can't DENY how good it tastes. Cheers!!
Kyra: One Burger through the Garden of Gesetheme for you, coming up!! Cheers!!
Desert Rat: Ha....Now, that's pretty good. Cheers!!
I love this video!
au jew
crucifixin's bar
brilliant.
how about hot cross buns?
Maybe it should be "Berry Mary"
Glad you're getting so much mileage out of that song! Brilliant!
Kat: I do too. Desert Rat is the one who passed that song along to me.
Thanks. As for the Hot Cross Buns, you can only get those at our subsidiary, Dunkin' in the Jordan River Donuts. Cheers!!
Desert Rat: Berry would be better. She may have lost the Cherry status to a not so immaculate poking.
I love this song and thanks for sending it my way ADR. Cheers!!
[I loathe squirrels. Especially when they're bangin' their nuts on each other.]
LMAO ROTFL WTIM Eyes
Micky: Laugh if you will...I was being serious. Cheers!!
God will be your lawyer in the trademark suits?
But with Chicken McMagdalene you get your choice of four different dipping sauces...
Hebrew Honey-Mustard
Judas Jelly (they use grape jelly on chicken here in da South)
Blasphemer Bar-B-Q
and
Religious Ranch
How much more intricate can you get?
Marilyn: I think I'll find a different lawyer. He didn't do so well in the Pharisees, et al. v. Christ Case. Cheers!!
Bond: Go back to sleep and get better Vinny. Your affliction is making your brain over heat with alliteration. Cheers!!
what? That was not brilliant? Stop being a hater dude!
Bond: Me? Hate? Silly man.
However, I will tell you that if you replace the question mark with a period after the word, "brilliant" in your comment, we would be in agreement. Cheers!!
omgosh! mix fast food with religion and you get all of us girls wanting to sleep with you Matt-Man. So who goes first? Pick me Pick me Pick me!!!! ;)~
(Talking Tongue Sandwhich... i have one of those. oops, i mean i'll order one of those!) smack.
Jahooni: Okay you can be first, but just remember, just like Jesus Christ, I tell everyone that I love them. Cheers!!
you don't have to tell me you love me.... you don't even have to talk! ;)~
Jahooni: Sweet. I have a tendency to get tongue tied during sex. Cheers!!
Excuse me, it's been an hour since anyone posted a comment, are you and jahooni tied up in tongues?
Micky: Nooooooo. While my tongue is long, it wouldn't quite reach the West Coast. Cheers!!
You did a great job with this MM, such diversity and appeal... How about Mousse d'Magdalene? Or Magdalene Good and Plentiful Mousse Delight? Can't see her in a pie, though Magdalene Silk Pie might work... Ha, this is fun... Did you put Heavenly Hash on the menu? Or Blasphemy Bean Soup? How about Sinners Sanction or Sinners Surprise soup of the day? Hey Magdalene Minnestrone? Ok, I am outta here, could get lost in this one... yep, you are needing and in a big way MM, thank GOD it is only a few days away when you can celebrate animal flavors and fillers again... take care and :))))
Lyn: Thanks...Magadlene Silk Pie isn't bad because I'm sure it was. Mmmmmm fillers. I do so love the crap they put in Hot Dogs. Cheers Lyn!!
hmm, what about Assembly of Cod, and only serve fishes and loaves there?
Franchise information. I am gonna need franchise information.
Tequila: Assembly of Cod...A triple decker fish sandwich served with French Friars and Soul Slaw. Cheers!!
Fab: I'll give the info to Noah and he can sail on down to Florida and hand it to ya. Cheers!!
Are you considering any Italian dishes?........perhaps
Revelations of Ravioli
Lucifers Linguini
Lotts Lasagna
Micky: I don't think so, God has an aversion to anything Italian, you know, with the nailing of his Son by the Romans and all. Cheers!!
If we ate these foods, do we still have to pray before the meal?
Jahooni: If you were to eat these foods, I would be praying for you. Cheers!!
So...it looks like I wasn't the only one with beefy burgers on the brain.
Those face of Jesus burger stamps are really going to drive down the Grilled Cheese Christ prices on EBay
LMAO at your video.
You are in so much trouble.
So instead of a Happy Meal, would there be a "Rapture Meal"?
Travis: Nope, but your pictures were very cruel. Cheers!!
Jamie: JC is tired of everyone else makigna dime and him not seeing one cent of it. Cheers!!
Kila: HA. Hi Kila. Yes, I may be. Cheers!!
Janna: Ha...Very Good. Let me use that when we expand. Cheers!!
These Lenten hallucinations of yours are quite entertaining in a sick, demented way.
Mama: It wasn't a hallucination. It was all too real. Cheers!!
You are hilarious. Well done sir.
Knight: Why thanks. Thanks for stopping by and Cheers!!
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