Okay…So I am finally getting around to the story that I told you about last Wednesday.
First of all, the Holy Baby Jeebus showed up last Hump Day night, and then when he left, I got a phone call.
It was from an old buddy of mine who asked me to go camping with him.
The last time we hooked up for some frivolity, it went something like THIS. But he wanted to get together again.
Here’s how the conversation went…
Matt-Man: Hello?
Dubya: Hey Matt-Man, you crazy Son of a Bitch, it’s GW!!
Matt-Man: Hey Dubya, what’s up?
Dubya: Well, not my approvalcy ratings, that’s fer damn sure…you Bagwine Bastard, you!!
Matt-Man: Kinda low, aren’t they?
Dubya: Low!!? Hell, my numbers are lower than the belly on a West Texas rattlesnake, mi amigo!!
Matt-Man: It sucks to be you, doesn’t it? So what's up, shit for brains?
Dubya: Ha...If I had shit fer brains, Matt-Man, I'd be mentally constipated...I was wonderin’ iffin ya’d like to go campin’ with me over the Fourth of Joo-lie?
Matt-Man: I dunno, Dubya…where would we camp?
Dubya: Well, Camp David, ya horse’s ass. Geez.
Matt-Man: That’s not really camping, is it? It’s actually more like a resort, isn’t it?
Dubya: It’s got “camp” in the name doesn’t it? Hell, I’ll pitch a tent out back and we can party!!
Matt-Man: Well, I don’t kno---
Dubya: Y’know…Itsa funny thing that it’s called Camp DAVID. I mean, naming it after a Jewish bible guy and all. I didn’t think that Jews even liked to camp.
Matt-Man: Well, it’s not rea---
Dubya: Hell, if that’s the case, maybe Senator Lieberman would like to hook up with us…
Of course if we camp, I’m puttin’ a pig on the spic, and I don’t think he’d like that. Oh, what the fuck...I’ll pack some matzo and some guilt.
Matt-Man: Dubya, I think mayb---
Dubya: Ha…Screw it, if Lieberman comes, I’ll put Barbra Streisand on the spic; there’s some good Jewish meat fer ya, Joey.
Hey Matt-Man, I gots to go…I’ll call ya back later, and settle the intrica…intrici…um…the details with ya later. Ouch!! Goddammit!! That's gonna leave a mark!!
Jenna pick yourself up off the floor, and go make a grandbaby for Mom and me, and fetch me a Coors on your way. Jeez, kids!!
Later, muchacho!!
He’s calling me back later this week…Pray for me.
Cheers!!
Matt-Man: Dubya, I think mayb---
Dubya: Ha…Screw it, if Lieberman comes, I’ll put Barbra Streisand on the spic; there’s some good Jewish meat fer ya, Joey.
Hey Matt-Man, I gots to go…I’ll call ya back later, and settle the intrica…intrici…um…the details with ya later. Ouch!! Goddammit!! That's gonna leave a mark!!
Jenna pick yourself up off the floor, and go make a grandbaby for Mom and me, and fetch me a Coors on your way. Jeez, kids!!
Later, muchacho!!
He’s calling me back later this week…Pray for me.
Cheers!!
51 comments:
I didn't know you and Dubya were so close. I would have have had you introduce me to Jenna and Not Jenna. I guess you can still introduce me to Not Jenna, but I prefer Jenna.
Anyway, if Dick Cheney is there make sure you don't get shot in the face. ;-)
Jay: Dubya and I have been close for years...It's a love/hate relationship.
He loves me and I hate him. I'll work on the Jenna thing for you. Cheers Jay!!
Matt
Thanks for stopping by.... and your well wishes. I had a blast!! Hopefully I will get a post up before I fall asleep...
I have a missing pussy, and I'm worried about him, but your post made me really laugh and eased my stress. Thanks, Matt!
Approvalcy. Oh shoot, that was FUNNY.
But is there something wrong with the way he talks? Joo-lie? That sounds about right to me. Dern. Ya make me feel sorta Self con.. self concs... sort of unsure about my accent.
Jen
Char: My pleasure. I hope you sleep well. Cheers!!
Winter: I'm sorry to hear about your pussy. I hope you find him. Cheers Winter!!
Jen: Ha. Very good. And don't feel unconscious about your accent. Cheers Jen!!
Matt-Man watch your ass (ha! in more ways than one) while camping with GW. I hear the Secret Service get frisky at night :) They might play a game of nightly interogation on you. You know good cop gay cop.
Lu: Bring it on!! I'm jjust worried that Cheney will show up. Cheers Lu!!
Just scabs...ummm scares me to death that he calls you and that you are considering a bum ummm run for his orifice ummm office...
Bond: Hell yes he calls. I am partially responsible for the mess in Iraq. I joked about attacking them way back and the dumb fuck thought I was serious. Cheers!!
The next time he calls and invites you down, you should stop by and pick up Scott, he'd enjoy camping with GW too. Then you both could tell us all.....What Happened.
Micky: Oh there will be a story about our outing. Cheers Mick!!
I am so envious! Camp David? The last time I was there I was checking expiration dates of leftovers!!
Dana: How odd. I thought perhaps you were there to check everyone out for STDs. Cheers Dana!!
Barbra is way to old to eat and probably needs some tenderizing.
Roger: A little A-1 goes a long way in covering up the taste of rotten meat. Cheers!!
I LOVE to camp! I bet Camp David's got some fine spots with hook-ups.
;)
RLL: Ha. Very good. Cheers, Real!!
I think you should go camping but look out if he wants to roast some marshmellows!
Peace
Odat: Are you implying that things could get gooey bewteen us? Cheers Odat!!
Have a helicopter waiting Matt-Man
and when you hear the sounds of dueling banjos run baby run!
Dianne: Thanks for the tip.
Wanna tag along? I know you love Dubya as much as I do. Cheers Di!!
I worry about you more and more with each passing day. I feel as if I should hold you to my breast and sing softly.
...bring Heather Mills with y'all, you may need the extra kinding.. (make sure she bunks with Dick Cheney and his shotgun)...
Leighann: Worry or not...your idea sounds absolutely fabulous. Cheers!!
Phfrankie: Those two souless wretches deserve each other. Cheers, P-Man!!
First a visit from Jeebus and then Dubya called? This sounds eerily prophetic. I'm thinking with all the flooding and whatnot maybe you should skip the evil gangbang at Camp David and I'll come pick you up in a boat.
Knight: Ha. Oh I can be quite prophetic. And if you do come to pick me up...Do me a favor and please be garbed in your pink swimsuit. Purrrrrrrrr. Cheers Knight!!
"If I had shit fer brains, Matt-Man, I'd be mentally constipated."
I LOVE that line!!
Be extra careful if he asks you to help him find 'wood'.He might want to heat things up!
Metal: I always keep a watchful eye on Dubya's hands, because he always tells me that I look, "fabulous". Cheers!!
Matt-Man, what do you think "checking expiration dates of leftovers!!" is code for?? You know, I can't tell you everything or I'd have to kill you *wink*
Dana: Mmmmmmm, but what a way to go. Death at the hands of Dana. Cheers!!
Can you bring me a hunky secret service man as a souvenir?
Lady Jaye: Okay. But here all along, I thought you had fallen fro me. Cheers LJ!!
I'll gladly tag along honey BUT if he want to play 'screw me as much as I've screwed you' I'm outta there
and taking you with me
Oh Matt-man you're the only one for me. I just need to have someone to service me when you're busy.
Your version of GW is too smart and funny to be real.
Marilyn: America Hater!!!! CHeers Marilyn!!
That picture is disgusting. Bush puckering up at Lieberman is a colon tightening image.
So is Condi going?
Starr: Oh dear God...Condi? Why must you make me throw up? Cheers Starr!!
I had a great witty comment all prepped, then someone emailed me with very sad news. George Carlin has passed, while Dubya still breathes.
I wouldn't wish death upon anyone - but I somehow can't stop thinking, "Hey! You took the wrong George!"
you've got him down pat. I think W will have a career as a standup comic come January intentionally or not.
Boo: If it helps you at all, blame me. Cheers!!
Hammer: He's been doing good at that for the past eight years. Cheers Hammer!!
Great post baby! It does disturb me that you talk to GW, and I don't know anything about it! Are you slipping something in my farina???
You're a trip. "Mentally constipated." I gotta use that one! Very interesting my friend........
Cheers - but not with Coors for the love of God! ;)
Camping with the Big Cheese - I'm totally jealous. If I was going, I'd be hard pressed not to put prunes in his 'smores. ("Hey, good buddy, would you hand me some more leaves - ha ha - these red ones are making my butt itch.")
Take some of your favorite sauces and he'll be begging for smores!
you zip your sleeping bags together...dontcha?
Schmoop: I think you'll find that to that tomorrow!! Cheers, dear!!
Deb: Ha. Thanks, and yes, Coors is god-awful. Cheers Deb!!
Desert Rat: You are so very cruel to such a sweet man. Cheers Rat!!
Michelle: How' bout I just "whip" some up for him. Cheers!!
Kat: Ha. I don't camp and tell. Cheers Kat!!
Looks like a little smoochy, smoochy may have been going on between the two of them... ummmmmmm...
Dixie: Indeed, and it makes me ill. Cheers!!
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