But, that’s okay, because I will be awash in the sunlight of the Lord, for today marks the beginning of Holy Week, or as I call it…
Super Happy Hole-ly Jeebus Week!!™Today we celebrate Palm Sunday. For those of you who are either uninformed or misinformed as to what Palm Sunday is, let me ‘splain.
Jeebus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey the week before his death and resurrection so he could whoop it up one last time before getting nailed.
So after the Jeebus Day Parade, complete with Assyrian Clowns and Persian Shriners, Jeebus gathered his 12 Apostles together.
They ate a slew of Little Caesar’s Pizza and drank Mogen David wine by the gallon.
After becoming sated from the pizza and horny from the wine, they formed a circle.
In the middle of the circle sat a naked and oiled up Mary Magdalene who was doing unspeakable things with a shofar.
Jeebus and his Apostles began to masturbate to the point of climaxing simultaneously. And that my friends is why this day is known as Palm Sunday.
But…There’s more.
After their collective, ecumenical ejaculation, J-Man proclaimed the little known 11th Commandment by saying unto those gathered…
“Eatin Ain’t Cheatin’, Bitches!!”Thusly, the Lord and his Holy Henchmen took turns givin’ Mary’s hoo-ha a tongue bath.
Mary was squirming around like an eel out of water with every lick and that is why Palm Sunday is also known as a movable feast.
Is this true, you ask? Of course it is, because I believe it.
Amen and Amen.
I’m off to work all day at the beer mine and then meeting up with Ryno afterwards, so I bid you adieu.
Enjoy your Sunday, all.
Cheers!!
15 comments:
Seeing that statue makes me wonder, were Jeebus and the Burger King commercial King related?
Lu: Well seeing how they are both Kings, I'd say, "Yes". Cheers Lu!!
The lost book of the Bilble: "bukake"
And here I thought Palm Sunday was all about seeing if you could cause great, bloody harm to your little brother with the palm frond without mom and dad finding out!
...that Mary was a Ho'-sannah in the Highest, wasn't she....
Hammer: HA. Who knew the Japanese had such an effect on Christianity? Cheers!!
Dana: We used to do that to each other while growing up. Mom never found the humor in it...Dad always did. Cheers!!
Phfrankie: Ha. Very Good. And now, I have to delete a line of mine from a future post that includes that very phrase. Bastard. Cheers P-Man!!
Wow, I learn something new every time I visit Bagwine Country. Thanks for the enlightenment!
I always thought Palm Sunday was what Dana said, who knew?!
Mystery: See? This isn't an inane humor site...It's a blog destination of information. Cheers Chick!!
I haven't been checking in on my dear blogger buddies lately, but I'm thrilled to see you in as fine of form as ever, Matt my dear. lol
We should chat sometime. I started an editing business! Allisonedits.com. I back. I'm nationwide. lol
A twelve man circle jerk.....?
that must be a record.
Who came first?
(just looking for information)
what I want to know is who came last???
Allie: I'll make sure to check it out. We shall do just that. Good to see ya. Cheers Allie!!
Mic and Kat: It's hard to answer your question. You know, with all of that, "the last shall be first" bullshit and what not. Cheers!!
never been a fan of circular logic....
Kat: Me neither. I prefer logic that is more rhombus-like. Cheers Kat!!
Rosy Palm Sunday...I knew you would go there. So if the middle man in a three way is Lucky Pierre what are the names of the rest of the double mint twins in a circle jerk?
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