Thursday, June 18, 2009

Dispatches From My Ass: Puttin' On Latex

Schmoop here with yet another, Dispatch from my Ass

These next two weeks are going to be gruesome. Gruesome I tellz ya!

I’m still not back to full time, and I’m sure I never will be. Idiot boss/owner/mental patient.

I’m still looking, and I’m sure I WILL find something soooo much better. Either that, or I’m moving down to ‘R’ Kansas with my Jay Man!!

However, that is not the reason for this blewg. No siree babies, I’ve got news, BIG NEWS!!

The next two weeks, we are painting the love shack! Whoo Hoo!


Pale gray with white trim. Of course, the kitchen and bath have to be white, but hey, I can deal with that.

And then, and then….we get new carpet on July 1st!! Yea! Tannish, brownish, whitish. Soooo much better than what we currently have.

And then, and then….new tile in the kitchen, and bathroom. Yea!! We have lived here for nine years, and our apartment manager has been trying to give us this for a year, but…

I was the one holding the abode alterations up.

What was my hesitation you ask? Well, let me tell ya.

I AM AFRAID OF ANY KIND OF CHANGE WHATSOEVER.


I know, I know, not me, the chick who will pose for any picture for the Matt-Man, but it’s true.

Our house is so full of STUFF; it’s not even funny. Matt will tell you that I’m imagining things, and that I’m nuts, but I fear THINGS.

Brother D will be helping, and no doubt both of them will tell me to GO somewhere…anywhere…just not here!!

Anyhoo…painting, carpeting, cleaning, and tileing will progress. I think I’ll hide down in the laundry room. In the corner. With my cat. Sucking my thumb. Sobbing.

So, would anyone like to invite me to their house for the next, oh I don’t know…month?

I’ll bring you brownies…um from the store. You do not want me to make you anything, trust me.

Anyone? No? Huh…go figure.

If I don’t make it, because I have either slit my wrists or Matt or Dave kill me during this ordeal, say something nice about me at my funeral, m’kay?

Zoves,
Schmoop

26 comments:

metalmom said...

I like change.I like to paint and switch things up. Hubs absolutely hates change. He'll wear his drawers until they fall off his ass....

Desert Songbird said...

I'm too lazy to make change. Hell, I don't even carry cash.

Schmoop said...

Suck it up and quit your whining. And, while you're hanging out in the laundry room sucking your thumb, wash my drawers would ya? Cheers!!

P.S. Why are profile pics/avatars not showing up in this comment box? What did you do to my site!!? Holy Cow!!

Schmoop said...

Okay I spoke too soon about the pics...A Thousand Pardons...now go wash my boxers. Zoves.

Ken said...

Good for you guys. It'll all be over soon Schmoop.........maybe.

Do you have anybody in the building named .......Murphy?

Lu' said...

Find his wallet, find his tip jar and head for the hills. Arghhhh I can imagine it. Thankfully my hubs knows his own OCD and will let others do the work. That is when he can finally finish obsessing about the work and decided to have the work done...

Not even thinking about your funeral, nope not gonna do it.

Beth said...

Lu: I couldn't get too far on two dollars! He's in charge of this, but I just want the fucker done!! I'm freaking!! Thanks for not thinking about my funeral, but can you come get me out of the fetal position later?

Cheesy said...

You can come out west dear. I have plenty of room... if you move all my crap out of the way!

I'll cook.. if you do dishes!

Dianne said...

You're welcome to come here! Bring the cat too, it'll be hilarious to see Siren freak out and Mia hiss for hours on end

and there's going to be a new baby soon - that's not too much change is it?

I get what you mean about change - I'd rather move than paint

I doubt you'll come up here since I'm betting Jay will scoop you up real quick

Lu' said...

I would gladly come unwrap you from the fetal position and wisk you away to a liquid calm if I were not attached ambilically to hubs :) HA!

Matt-Man said...

Oh I'm sorry. I thought maybe I would sand and spackle away the carelesseness and mistakes left by the last "professional" painters. I am just following the advice that you give me when we get naked and have sex:

"Matthew, A job worth doing, is a job worth doing right."

Cheers!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...come on over, El Schmoop-o, the weather's fine and I'm stocked with ice cold Oly!...

Beth said...

Cheesy: Cool! You cook? Beautiful, I'll do the dishes!

Dianne: If you're near the shore, I am so there! Do you cook too! I just bought our dinner...frozen pizza! Whoo Hoo! So far, my Jay doesn't want me.

Lu: I thank you my dear! I am, as we speak, medicating myself. Going to the grocery with a buzz it worse than going hungry!! I highly recommend it!

Beth said...

Matt: I know, I love you, but could you fucking paint already???

Phfrankie: Oooo icy cold Olympia...mmmm... I have to say though, I'm pretty much ready for the state store!

Jay said...

You can absolutely come and stay here for as long as you want. And don't worry, I'll make the brownies. I'm a very good cook.

Oh, but I am allergic to cats though. So, you'll have leave the kitty at home. ;-)

Beth said...

Jay: Yeaaaa!!! Cat? What cat? I could be on a plane come Saturday!!

Vinny "Bond" Marini said...

I was going to ask if Jay moved...then I reread what you wrote...

Ken said...

Do it Schmoop!
Go to Jays, we all want to see you in the Viking Helmut!

EVERYBODY VOTE NOW.

Schmoop in the Viking Helmut with Jay cooking for her.........

or...

Schmoop curled up in a corner of the laundry room whimpering....

Beth said...

Bond: No baby it's R Kansas or bust! Happy belated birthday!!

Mick: I realize I would look HAWT in the viking helmet, and I'm soooo sure Jay can cook, but you're best bet is to find me in the fetal position, with the cat, in the laundry room, sobbing. Until I leave Saturday.

Lu' said...

Schmoop in the Viking Helmut with Jay cooking for her......... I VOTE THIS ONE :)

or...

Schmoop curled up in a corner of the laundry room whimpering....

katherine. said...

if you can't get to jay's come here...

I would not want to be around while anal retentive boy is working.

But hey...when it's all done...it'll be beautiful!

Beth said...

Lu: If only..so far the beer is working!

Kat: You are correct dear! So far, it is beautiful. How's the temp in Cali? I always wanted to go there.

Ken said...

Phfrankie has a nice little ranch with a guest house in California. He likes to cook too!

Beth said...

Mick: A ranch?! Holy Cow! That sounds great, except Matt is creating our own nirvana right here! I didn't know he could paint so well! Loves to you and Bic!!

Liz Hill said...

We just acknowledge each other's little OCD things. it makes it a LOT easier;-)

Dana said...

What? No new A/C unit?? Communists!