Before We Have Sex, I Have To Ask...Do You Read Kierkegaard?

My buddy and frequent leading lady of my wet dreams, Dianne, wrote a post about racism the other day.

She was talking about how she hoped that future generations grow up to be “color-blind”.

I, of course, through my comment to her, took the conversation to a higher level by stating my 14 year old son is as bigotry-free as people come.

I added that as part of the proof of my statement was that, much like me, his uber-cool dad, my son finds Tyra Banks, smokin’ hot.

Dianne’s response was that she was glad of that, but hoped that my son would find smart women sexy as well.

If my kid follows in the footsteps of his dad, he will (after his horny teen years) like me, find smart women HAWT.

Okay I know…I want to have sweaty, animalistic sex with Tyra Banks, but her purely physical hold on me is not the norm. No siree…

I love a cute face, a big pair of fun bags, and a spankable ass as much as the next heterosexual guy, but it is intelligence and its derivatives of humor and sarcasm that make my Johnson as stiff as Michael Jackson’s dead body.

So, I thought I would talk about a few women that really turn me on because of their “smarts”. Here we go…

Dolly Parton. She’s pretty and has ginormous melons, but man, the chick is smart. Great songwriter, good actress, and a most astute businesswoman.

I would do anything in order to slip Dolly my Wood and ride her like a rollercoaster from 9 to 5.

Jodie Foster…She’s attractive but, meow…that brain. Mmmmmmm. She’s talented. She speaks fluent French and knows German and Italian and has a B.A. in Literature.

Oh how I’d love to get naked with Jodie and discuss the writings of Gertrude Stein and Oscar Wilde and then eat her lovely lady wallet (Thanks Candice) with a some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

From the world of politics and well, the realm of the dead, I always had the hots for former two time Pakistani Prime Minister, Benazir Bhutto. Mmmmmmm, what a Muslim Muffin, she was.

Educated at Radcliffe, Harvard and a couple of British Universities, she had a keen mind and the courage to face her political adversaries and meet her ultimate demise through assassination in 2007.

The sight of her always made my shish-ka-bob sizzle. I would have loved to strip for her and let her smack me on my ass with a mohair whip as I shrieked about how I had been such an Islama-Bad Boy.

And then there’s this chick…

Holy Cow, she turns me on. You know why?

No, not because of her half nakedness, comely mouth and firm, perfectly shaped tits.

It’s because in this picture, she is reading Søren Kierkegaard’s, Concluding Unscientific Postscript to Philosophical Fragments.

How do I know she is reading that particular book? ‘Cause I believe it.

There are other chicks I dig because of their smarts, wits, and/or humor…Schmoop, Marie Curie, and Helen Keller. Hey, even deaf blind chicks need lovin’ too.

Of course there are all of you smart and funny women who comment here on Bagwine Ruminations.

You ladies make me horny everyday. And I say to you all, in those timeless words of the wise Chinese sage and philosopher, Confucius…

Me love you long time…

Cheers!!