Why Do You Question Me?

I have a problem with which I need help from you, my Bagwine buddies.

It seems that people in Bagwine, Ohio who have known me personally for any period of time, never seem to know when I am bullshitting on here or not.

I am aghast to find this out. It’s me…Matt-Man…The purveyor of all that is true and unadulterated.

However, here is what I get from some.

I said to Schmoop yesterday…“Some people find me disingenuous when I post. You always believe what I put on my site don’t you?”

Her answer of, “Yeah, whatever.” and the associated smirk and attitude that accompanied said response left me bewildered.

Okay, she knows me better than most, but c’mon…I’m her true love and with her all of the time. Maybe that skews her opinion a bit, so I thought about Bagwine buddy and co-worker, Pizza Bill.

Good Ol’ Pizza Bill…

We’ve worked together for nearly a year and a half now.

We’ve made fun of customers together, checked out hot patrons together, and I have even eaten his pizza frequently. (And no, that’s not a euphemism for gay sex between us, you sick bastards)

Surely Pizza Bill believes my posts…I don’t think so.

I was thinking about it, and I remember times he has questioned me about the veracity of some things I have said.

In fact, he didn’t think I was being truthful when I posted about the dresser in the bedroom falling on Schmoop until SHE told him that it did.

Schmoop and Pizza Bill…Questioning my integrity. I thought I should seek another opinion. Well, before I could, another opinion sought me.

You see, I received an email Saturday night from that fetching nurse and longtime friend of Matt-Man, Sherri.

She told me that she was sorry to hear about the turmoil going on between Schmoop and I. And then went on to say that she would have said something sooner, but she assumed that my post describing said turmoil, was, “BS”.

WTF? How could my friend of 29 years (Oh dear God, it has been that long, holy shit we’re old ) think of me to be a bullshitter?

Sherri and I worked all through High School at Burger Chef/Hardee’s together. She took me and paid to have my ear pierced on my 17th birthday.

We had sex on a public sidewalk and in the stall of a bathroom at our local Community College’s banquet room during my brother’s wedding reception.

We got naked at a State Park and were attacked by ticks together…She witnessed me being electrocuted in my college dorm room when I plugged in a cheap set of Chinese made, Christmas lights.

How could someone who has known me that many years…one who has a nearly three decade long history of knowing and experiencing my nature, my foibles, my inner most thoughts think that I would make up stuff for my daily posts?

And then I thought…Maybe this unholy Axis of Disbelief doesn't believe me because they do know me so well.

Okay, so I may embellish a bit…take poetic license…mis-imagine the facts and reality of certain things…add six inches to my cock when chatting online. But c’mon…More often that not, I believe it!!

Here’s what I am asking of you guys. I need some kind of code to type or upload into my posts to let these three doubters of the Matt-Man know when my posts are completely and utterly true.

I know you guys don’t need one because you always believe me…right?

The code can be a phrase…some type of Seal of Truth logo…anything that I should put in my posts when blogging about the serious truth.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Enjoy your Monday, and I thank you in advance for your help.

Cheers!!

P.S. Schmoop is home sick today with her cold AND her period started...The Curse of the Matt-Man is a powerful thing.