Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Lent 2010: Pizza de Résistance

Now dig it, folks…Six weeks from today Lent begins with Ash Wednesday on February 17th.

As some of you longtime Bagwine Heads know, for the past three Lenten seasons I have given up meat during the 46 day run between Ash Wednesday and the resurrection of Jeebus on Easter morning.

For those six weeks during the last three years, I have not allowed the greasy goodness of meat touch my lips. No bacon, no sausage, no burgers, no pizza with pepperoni. No meat…period.

Well…This Lent, I will not being doing that (sorry Michele). For me, giving up meat during Lent is no longer a challenge…no longer a significant sacrifice.

Hell, in some ways I look forward to the meatless, pre-cross nailing weeks so I can see what types of wacky recipes I can come up with sans meat. I must demand more from myself this Lenten season.

So…

I have decided that this year, beginning on Ash Wednesday and until Easter Morning, I will not allow bread nor pasta to pass my incredibly sexy lips.

There will be no macaroni and cheese for me. There will be no Hamburger Helper aiding my craving. There will be no rolls, toast, chips, spaghetti, or pizza. Pizza, Folks!!

Praise Jeebus, and may he give me the strength to accomplish such a sacrificial and gastronomic feat!!

Bread, noodles, and other pasta type things show up in so many things I enjoy. Chicken Noodle Soup, Grilled Cheese, stuffing, and of course, burgers…and Pizza!!

But you say


“Well Hell, Matt-Man, at least you’ll continue to eat meat this Lent. Could it really be that bad, ya big pussy?”

Oh sure I can eat meat, but is a hot dog the same when not in the form of these delicious Pigs in a Blanket that I made?


Nothing like a brat or Italian Sausage with mustard and kraut, but without a juice soaked New England Split Top bun does it taste as sweet?

My Loosemeat Sandwiches are famous, but without a greasy bun holding it all together they are but a jiggly mess of meat going unmentioned in the annals of Culinarydom.

This breadless trek will be sure to test my character, my faith, and my ability to go six weeks without eating Pizza. Pizza, Folks!!

But…There you have it. My Lenten sacrifice for 2010. We will of course address this again when the day draws nigh, but in the meantime…

Would you say a prayer for me in order to soften the fertile sacramental soil prior to my feet setting upon it and into the cold, barren wilderness of a life without bread and pasta…and Pizza!!

I thank you, and may the light of Jeebus shine down upon you.

Cheers!!

27 comments:

3 Men and a Lady said...

Now giving up bread (and by default pizza), THAT is a sacrifice my friend. I don't do the Lent thing but my husband does, but only on Friday. I'm impressed you are doing it the old school way.

I haven't had real pizza since the last week of November. I miss it. It's my deserted island food.

I wish you the best of luck. I did a no carb diet once and it made me VERY crabby going without breads.

Michele said...

If you are giving up bread and pasta in order to give up grains does that mean you are up beer and grain liquor? That will be a sacrifice. I'd rather not eat meat.

Jay said...

Michele has a point there. What about the beer???? haha

Pizza? Tough to give up, but it's generally bad for you, so a good move.

Pasta? Brutal. I love pasta.

Bread in general? Again, brutal. Where will you get your carbs from?

katherine. said...

you have completely lost your mind

mherzog said...

Here's a good video on the subject: http://meat.org

Scott Oglesby said...

I don’t eat meat on Fridays during lent; that’s one Catholic tradition that I love. Mostly because I love the fish fry’s that the churches always have.

I’ve done the no carb thing before vacations. Lift like crazy, eat tons of meat and don’t allow a carb to hit your tongue. It’s hard as hell. After about a week you’ll start craving any kind of bread or pasta that you see. But you can do it. Fortitude, my brother!!

Four Dinners said...

I decided not to eat certain meats years ago.

Crocodile, Llama, Rat, Donkey, Dog, Cat, Gerbil....

eh!! I'm nearly a vegetarian!!!!

mmmmmmmmmmmm....bacon sandwiches

Matt-Man said...

Lady: Yeah, I'm going to miss pizza...alot. I've gone mostly no carb before, but never like this. Cheers and congrats on the diet progress. Cheers D!!

Michele: I'm not doing it in order to give up all grains. Give up beer? I dig the Baby Jeebus, but that's crazy talk. Cheers Michele!!

Jay: The beer stays. Yeah in addition to pizza I do so love pasta too, and heavily buttered toast and... As for the carbs I'll figure something out. Cheers Jay!!

Matt-Man said...

Kat: Ha. Not at all. I am am merely giving my discipline a work out...okay maybe I have. Cheers Kat!!

Mherzog: By linking that video you are only forcing me to talk mean to the cow that is now a pound and a half of hamburger I'll be cooking later. If you don't want to eat meat that's wunnerful, but I dig eating MEAT. And lots of it. Cheers!!

Matt-Man said...

Scott: Like I told Lady, I've done aprimarily no carb thing, but not like, but I will persevere.

Hell, I'm not even Catholic any longer but 3 years ago I just started the non-meat thing during Lent to see if I could, and now it's bread. Go Figure. Cheers Scott!!

Four: Bacon is the greatest gift that the Almighty has placed upon this Earth. But c'mon...You gave up Llama? There's nothing like a Llama Neck Meat Omelet. Cheers FD!!

Micky-T said...

Yikes! No bread. Good luck on that one.
You'll get your carbs from the beer, everything will be fine.

Matt-Man said...

Micky: Yeah that's what I was thinking, and beans. I loooove beans. Cheers Mick!!

Doc said...

Are you sure you can make it?

Matt-Man said...

Doc: Yeah, I'm pretty sure that I'll be able to make it, but not without pissing Schmoop along the way with my wailing and gnashing of the teeth. Cheers Doc!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...I'm trying to imagine a bread-less pizza...

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: I've been doing the same thing since I wrote this. Cheers P-Man!!

metalmom said...

I thought of giving up carbs once. That was all it took--ONCE. Too friggin hard. I'm a carbaholic.

Good luck with this.

Bond said...

6 weeks away and we are hearing about it already...oh goodness gracious...I am not sure I can handle 40 days PLUS 6 weeks of your ranting about what a sacrifice you are making...

Matt-Man said...

Metal: I love carbs...I love them, I love them, I love them. It's gonna hurt. Cheers Metal!!

Bond: You don't want to hear about my sacrifice? You hate the Holy Baby Jeebus and the fact that he died for your many perverted sins, dontcha? That is sooo un-Italian of you. Cheers Vinny!!

VE said...

Looks like lettuce hamburgers for you! The really crisp iceberg will also work in salsa and dips...

Oh, and you'd better get your breadless self over and comment. You're not even on my blog roll!

Matt-Man said...

VE: I can barely keep with myself let alone you, but I will be over funny man.

But let me tell you what, mister.

Two big leaves of lettuce make an excellent replacement for bread. I have eaten hamburgers and other sandwiches that way...it's frickin' delicious...especially in the summer. Cheers VE!!

MysteryChick said...

No bread, pasta etc. for 46 days, holy crap! I'd be a raving lunatic after two days. If shmoop can still stand you she's a saint and you're a lucky man.

Personally, I'd find it easier to give up oxygen.

Good luck Matt-man!

Matt-Man said...

Chick: Who says that Schmoop or I aren't frickin' crazy? Man, it's gonna be tough. Cheers Chick!!

Dana said...

What?? Anyone can go without meat, but without bread? Pasta? Pizza???? My goodness!

So, sending you that sourdough starter probably isn't a good idea right now, huh?

Matt-Man said...

Dana: Ha. Yeah you might like to re-think that. Unless you are pure evil. Cheers Dana!!

Lu' said...

All that grub looks good but the picture of the loose meat sammy looks abit on the gray side?

Matt-Man said...

Lu: Hmmmmm...I thought it was a bit too light. Go Figure. Cheers Lu!!