Hump Day: From Ho-Hum To Wacky And Wild

I’m off today. After working eleven hour shifts on both Monday and Tuesday as I always do, my feet and my patience with assholes welcome it, however…

There is something odd about being off on Wednesdays. It’s like I am the only one who is off. I’m always alone.

Schmoop’s at work sitting at her desk, while her hoo-ha is performing the monthly ritual of shedding what we hope is the last of her eggs.

My son is at basketball practice and weightlifting.

I have no car because Schmoop has it. Oh sure, I could take her to work and keep the car, but what would I do?

Everyone else I know, and like, are at work as well. It’s just me, the cat, and the radio. And well, plenty of beer.

Typically on Wednesdays, I play music all day while I hang out on Twitter, catch up on blogs, and check in on Facebook.

So actually…it’s me, the cat, the radio, and the computer. And well, plenty of beer.

Sure I try to sexually accost women on Twitter as I pound some beers, ’cause, well…I get horny when I drink…hornier than usual that is.

This Wednesday, my horniness will be exacerbated because as I mentioned, Schmoop’s basement is flooding, so there’s no hope for relief when she gets home.

I’ll have to take care of myself and manhandle the Matt-Meat.

So actually…it’s me, the cat, the radio, the computer, and my hand. And well, plenty of beer.

I pace through the apartment a lot as I drink, annoy people on Twitter, and think of funny things to write.

My pacing? It drives the asshole who lives beneath us nutty. He hates the creaking and the noise.

Sometimes, when Schmoop and I vacuum? We will just let the vacuum sit and suck the same spot for five minutes, Ha. He goes ballistic. I could do that today.

So actually…it’s me, the cat, the radio, the computer, my hand, and the vacuum. And well, plenty of beer.

I don’t want to call my friend Richard, The Crazy Cat Man in Columbus, but probably will.

We have unlimited long distance so it’s not quite as painful listening to him talk about his impending knee replacement, how one of his 18 cats died in a tragic garbage disposal accident, or as he states…

Every Republican and most Democrats want to eat your children, regurgitate them, and turn them into Zombies.

So actually…it’s me, the cat, the radio, the computer, my hand, the vacuum, and the phone. And well, plenty of beer.

That’s quite a bit of cool shit. If only I had a special friend with whom to share it. Would you like to be my special friend?

‘Cause if you became my special friend for the day…

It would be me, the cat, the radio, the computer, my hand, the vacuum, the phone, and my special friend.

Holy Cow!! If that happened, and with all of that cool stuff at our disposal, my Hump Day would go from Ho-Hum to Wild and Wacky in no time.

Cheers!!