Friday, July 23, 2010

I May Be Off Today, But I Am Sooooo On It!!

It’s my much anticipated Friday off and boy do I have a hodgepodge of things for you lovable perverts today.

First of all, when I got home Thursday night, I noticed Schmoop had cleaned the digs. She never does that on Thursday.

I also noticed she had her wife beater laid out in the bathroom for Friday. I don’t recall her wearing that to work.

I think she is taking Friday off an hasn’t told me. We shall see if I am right.

A couple of days ago, Kimmeh, (who is also off today) and I decided that today would be deemed National Naked Tweeting Day.

So, if you are so inclined, hook up with us on Twitter and get naked, Bitches!!

Last night at work, a regular hubby and wife duo came through with their dog. I noticed something incredibly special about their dog.

They allowed me to take its picture, and now allow me to show you something…

Many of you are familiar with the creepy Pennywise the Clown from Stephen King’s, It…

Ladies and Gentlemen…I give you Pennywise the Dog…

Is that creepy or what? I think the mutt looks just like Pennywise!! Look into those deadlights.

In the comments yesterday I mentioned that I was going to shave my head today. Too Late…I did it late Thursday morning…

Holy Cow!! I gots some big ears. I find that ironic ‘cause I still can never hear a damn thing.

If at some point today my website is fucked up it’s because I may fiddle with the look. Yeah, that’s how exciting my life is.

I recently hooked up on the internets with a blogger who is new to me, and maybe you have noticed her comments here on Bagwine.

Her name is Raquel, and she authors the site, Raquel’s World. I don’t know her well, but already kinda dig her, so if you get a chance, stop by her site by clicking HERE, and give her a hearty hello.

Lastly, since it is Friday, how about a couple of Matt-Man’s Private Conversations entries…

Monday night when a slightly tipsy Schmoop picked me up from work at the Beer Mine:

Schmoop: Oooooo, you’re all sweaty.

Me: Yeah, I know.

Schmoop: I wish I had a strap-on right now. I’d take you in the cooler and fuck ya.

Me: That’s nice.

Tuesday talking to Bagwine fave, the old regular customer who looks like Boris Karloff:

Boris: Gimme a Diet Dew, and don’t tell me it's five dollars, you robber.

Me: I won’t; itsa buck sixty-six.

Boris: Where’s your other two robber friends?

Me: I don’t kn--

Boris: You’re like John Dillinger and they’re like Frank and Jesse James.

Me: Ha. I gue---

Boris: You know who Frank and Jesse James were, dontcha?

Me: Weren’t they a Vaudeville Act in the 20’s?

Boris: Smartass…See ya later.

That’s all I have for today. If breaking Bagwine news happens during my day off drunkenness, I’ll let ya know.

Have a good one, all.

Cheers!!

35 comments:

The Dish said...

Enjoy your day off. Awesome that the digs are already clean. That shit rocks!

Mandy said...

Have a GREAT day off...I will still be slaving away in the heat...UGH. So ready for MY day off!

MysteryChick said...

Love Shmoop's "if I had a strap-on".

Happy Friday Matt-Man-du!!

Matt-Man said...

Dish: Indeed it is. It could be a good day. Cheers Dish!!

Mandy: Friday is suppose to be our hottest day of the summer thus far. I'm glad I am off. Cheers Jane!!

Chick: Isn't she precious? And ha...I like the Matt-Man-Du. Cheers Chick!!

David said...

Hmmm....unlike the marvelous Schmoop - I don't need a strap on. I'm already fully equiped....and you do have that beautiful butt for inspiration. Oh such naughty thoughts.

Matt-Man said...

David: I appreciate that but I can't switch teams. My team needs me. Also, I'm not a switch hitter, and that sounds like what you need. Cheers David!!

David said...

Just relax and enjoy it.

If you have your eyes closed - who would know if it is Schmoop with a strapon or me au naturale. hehe.

and by the way, you haven't posted any nice butt pics for a while.

Matt-Man said...

David: Call me crazy, but for some reason, the butt shots may be over with. Cheers David!!

Mike said...

"wish I had a strap-on"

At least you didn't give all the secrets away by saying "wish I had MY strap-on".

Matt-Man said...

Mike: Ha...Very good analysis. Very good. Cheers Mike!!

David said...

Oh sure - you post pics of your butt over and over and now that someone male likes them, you decide to abandon ship? What a tease you are Matt-Man
:-)

Matt-Man said...

David: Well if you Schmoop does take off today, I'll have her take a picture of my ass just for you. How's that? Cheers David!!

David said...

What's not to love - Schmoop gets the real thing and I can enjoy the pic - win-win. Oh you silly boy teasing me with that.

Matt-Man said...

David: Well, we shall see. I'm off to bed now. Does that turn ya on too? Cheers David!!

David said...

That would only work if it was your beautiful butt in my bed and since you prefer the sofa.....no...not a turn on.

But I do love toying with the inuendo.

Scott Oglesby said...

Wow, I almost feel like I’m interrupting something …um interesting.

You just scared the mother fuck out of me with that clown/dog/shapeshifter from the depths of hell come to earth to eat our souls and drink the tears of golden retriever puppies. So not cool. You should give King a ring. You may have just found a way to integrate two of his top sellers; It and Cujo, with one doggy pic.

That’s nice.

Matt-Man said...

David: I made it. What you ask? I had no bad dreams about you. Have a wunnerful Friday. Cheers David!!

Scott: I am surprised that you are the only one who has commented on that. I thought the dog was a dead ringer for Pennywise. Ha. We could call the intergrated story: "Cujo in the Clown". Cheers Scott!!

Doc said...

WOW! that dog does look like Pennywise. (and the people at work won't let me Tweet sans clothes)

Matt-Man said...

Doc: No shit. And it always just stares at me when they bring him through. Sorry about the non sans clothing thing. It has to be uncomfortable for you. Cheers Doc!!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

No naked tweeting for me. Nearly naked, as I wear so little clothing in the summer, but I gots kids, ya know? Have a fun day off!

Matt-Man said...

Evil: That's a damn shame, but it's nice of you not to traumatize the little ones. I shall have all the fun that I can, and thanks. Cheers ETW!!

Beth said...

I have but two words for you.....naked twister. That is all.

Matt-Man said...

Schmoop: Sweeeet. But first we have to go get my check and to the grocery. How's that for sexiness? T-Minus three hours and five minutes. Cheers and Zoves!!

Raquel's World said...

Oh,,, My first shout out. I feel sooo special/ Single tear. Thanks for that. I have enjoyed getting to know you as well. You are HILARIOUS!

Raquel's World said...

Now, Dammit that was special!

Beth said...

Buzzkill..............

Matt-Man said...

Raquel: Ha. well, I dig ya too, Roc. And please, never correct yourself on here. I make enough mistakes when I type, that those of others go unnoticed.

Don't get bummed about the stuff about blogging that you were talking about the other day, just keep keepin' on, and thanks. Cheers Roc!!

Matt-Man said...

Schmoop: Ha. We can fondle the produce together. How's that? Cheers Schmoop!!

Jay said...

Wow! There's more hot man-on-man action going on in this comment thread than at an MMA fight.

That dog is a little unnerving. Like maybe he's thinking that he could probably rip your jugular vein out before you knew what hit ya.

Matt-Man said...

David: Oh yeah, my Kavorka has consumed David. The thing about the dog? He looks evil, but he is actually very nice and well-behaved. Cheers Jay!!

Matt-Man said...

Ha...I meant to Jay

Charlene said...

The dog should be made to wear clown makeup. Araugh! I'm all traumatized now. I hate that clown.

Schmoop is hillarious! I've never looked at a sweaty man and wanted to find a strapon. Must be something wrong with me.

Joker_SATX said...

Matt-Man, the naming of the dog is dead on balls accurate!

Yeah, I have been watching your tweets go by today and wondering....

I frequent Raquel's blog. Very good blogger I must say...

Dana said...

My guess is that Pennywise (the clown, not the dog) looks evil and is evil! Like Charlene, I am now traumatized for life.

Oh wait! Maybe that trauma was from reading David's comments and not Pennywise ...

Matt-Man said...

Joker: I dig Raquel. She cusses. Cheers Joker!!

Dana: David, does have a "certain spirit." If only I was gay. He and I could be more than friends. Cheers Dana!!