Dr. Kevin Leman: He Thinks He Knows Matt-Man

Via my Yahoo homepage, I came across an article about how birth order affects one’s love life.

It was excerpted from the book, “The Birth Order Book” by Kevin Leman, PhD. I must say, what was stated about my birth order was dead on.

I am the youngest of nine and here are some things Dr. Leman says about the youngest siblings of families.

If you are a youngest child…

“You are all about fun…On a typical first date you’ll have your date laughing so hard that water shoots out his or her nose.”

This is true indeed, however while it may seem fun, after years of being spewed upon by cold beer and warm projectile snot, I’ve learned to wear a butcher’s apron and surgical mask during all first dates.

It’s a little awkward for the chick at first, but my humor always overcomes her doubt, undresses her concept of acceptable societal norms, and I remain dry and unsticky.

Dr. Leman continues…

“And forget ho-hum plans like dinner and a movie; you love to do the unexpected, often on the spur of the moment. You’re the type to take someone to a party only to whisper, “Let’s get out of here” two minutes later…”

This is somewhat true as well. I am not big on making plans, however…

As evidenced by my history of having sex on beaches, bars, sidewalks, backseats of cars, meat coolers, stock rooms, and public restrooms, I never feel the need to say, “Let’s get out of here.”

My spontaneity is pretty much comfortable having sex wherever I stand, lay, walk, or pee. I’m cool like that.

Dr. Leman unfortunately goes on to accurately describe my youngest child drawbacks…

“Babies are the least financially dependable,” warns Dr. Leman. That means your date may be stuck picking up the tab when your credit card is maxed out.

Also, some youngest children use that last-born charm and charisma to be a bit, ahem, manipulative…”

Now c’mon Dr. Leman…

I am completely financially dependable. For rest assured, people can depend on me to immediately spend any money that comes my way!! I am financially consistent!!

And what’s with this, using charm and charisma to manipulate others?

Any scrap of charm or charisma I have ever mustered has been used for what is good…for what is right, and wholesome.

Ask anyone who barely knows me. I vociferously take exception with Dr. Leman on that point, but on a few things, as I said, he was dead on.

If you’d like to read about your particular birth order and how it may affect you, you can read the entire article by clicking HERE.

Have a wonderful Monday folks, and as always…

Cheers!!

Beer in Hand, Pen in Mouth, and Holy Baby Jeebus, I Got Nuthin'

I am at a loss of late as to what to write about.

I mean, I could always talk about politics, but...

That bores some of you to death, and I don’t want to be responsible for your death.

Sure, I could live with passing on my herpes to you, but causing your death? That would be a bit unsettling.

I thought about writing about Joel Osteen’s wife being sued for assault of a flight attendant, but the alleged victim that is suing her seems to be half a nut as well.

Sharon Brown says that as a result of getting pushed by Victoria Osteen, she developed hemorrhoids, and that is part of the damage compensation sought.

Holy Moly, if hemorrhoids were worth money...?

I’d be typing this from my beachfront cabana in Tahiti, in between hosing some thick Polynesian chick with an insatiable appetite for breadfruit and tea baggin'.

I thought about writing about last Sunday and what happened after I got really Bagwine-Faced.

But alas, I can’t remember a damn thing that happened after the second fifth of Rose.

VE of VE’s Fantastical Nonsense, is doing a post sometime today that includes a reference to me. Maybe I’ll just live vicariously through him today.

If you have never read VE, you should.

He is always amusing and when he is at his best, he's one of the funniest Mo-Foes around.

Of course, VE recently got married, so that could change pretty soon.

Catch him now, before both his humor, and his will to live begin to decompose.

I thought perhaps, I could talk about which of my readers I’d most like to have sex with, but that changes each time somebody comments.

I figure I could just hose all of you at once…A Ginormous Bagwine Orgy. That way we could save time on me disappointing each of you on a individual basis.

I am off today. So tonight I finally get a chance to cook again. I am going with a rural, down home menu.

I am making cornbread stuffed with sausage, cheese, and onions…Omelets, and corned beef hash.

After the meal, and keeping with the rural, life on the farm theme...

Schmoop and I are going to pretend to be brother and sister and have sex like rabid chickens.

Cock-a-Fuckin’-Doodle-Do!!

Maybe I’ll take pictures for Friday’s post…Of the food, not the sex, you perverted bastards.

You guys still awake, or did I lose you by now?

Anyhoo, these are the things that came to mind, and upon which, I will not post.

I’m sure Dana, is over at her site Ho-in’ around, being all Half-Nekkid n’shit.

If you are in search of some excitement, or in Vinny’s case, the elusive hard-on, you can always stop by her place.

Have a great day everybody. If I think of anything to write about, I’ll let ya know.

Cheers!!