Holy Humor Bloggers, Matt-Man!!

Okay folks I don’t normally do this, but...

In the spirit of Christmas giving, and because he switched on the Matt Signal in a comment yesterday…

I am humbly asking a favor of you.

I want you to click on the link that I will provide below, and vote for one of five finalists in the Humor Blogger of the Year contest.

No, it’s not me…I don’t do contests. But, the man I am humping, so to speak, is in it to win it.

See, unlike me, this man has a huge, but fragile ego which constantly needs affirmation and validation. That of course, is nothing with which my humility is familiar.

But…

He asked me to help him out, and since I am a fan of his humor and his blog, I feel compelled to do so.

The man of whom I speak, is none other than VE, of VE’s Fantastical Nonsense.

The main reason I don’t like contests such as these, is because they are just popularity contests with no real consideration as to who is truly “the best.”

One has to constantly beg, plead, and bribe people to go vote for them.

It’s demeaning and time consuming, but VE is just the kinda guy who doesn’t mind wasting time, putting on virtual knee pads, and groveling.

I respect that.

Now don’t just vote for him because I asked you to…That would be unethical. But seriously, the guy is funny.

He is always at least amusing. I mean nobody can hit a comedic home run every time. Well, other than the late Rodney Dangerfield and Sarah Palin.

But, when at his best, he’s a fucking riot. He is truly funnier than the other four. How do I know? Well I checked them out of course.

He is up against a blog titled, Amy Oops! Seriously the chick should rename it, Amy Sucks! Or at least to Amy Co-Ops! Most of her stuff is unoriginal reprints of other peoples’ material.

Then there is Politics By Satire. When I read it, I saw that politics was involved, but I needed a blogoscope to find the satire.

Another contestant, and his closest competitor as of the typing of this, is Crotchety Old Man Yells at Cars. I laughed at his title, but little else.

And finally there is, The Offended Blogger. She has a bit of a following. Her blog is nicely designed, but her humor doesn’t do it for me.

I mean it’s like a plate of comedic spaghetti. Oh sure, you may come across a meatball of laughter once in awhile, but mainly it’s just pasta.

And, she is a bit long winded. If I had to choose between reading one of her posts and all ten books of Milton’s, Paradise Lost…

I’d choose her, only because she has pictures to break up the monotony.

So, if you would, please vote for VE. He did after all, have the balls to put this on his site one day…

If he wins, maybe he’ll get a new sweater.

You can vote for him by clicking HERE. You need not sign-in or anything…Just point and poke. It takes all of three seconds.

Hopefully, once again, weather permitting, I will have pictures of the decorations in downtown Bagwine for you all tomorrow.

Cheers!!

Beer in Hand, Pen in Mouth, and Holy Baby Jeebus, I Got Nuthin'

I am at a loss of late as to what to write about.

I mean, I could always talk about politics, but...

That bores some of you to death, and I don’t want to be responsible for your death.

Sure, I could live with passing on my herpes to you, but causing your death? That would be a bit unsettling.

I thought about writing about Joel Osteen’s wife being sued for assault of a flight attendant, but the alleged victim that is suing her seems to be half a nut as well.

Sharon Brown says that as a result of getting pushed by Victoria Osteen, she developed hemorrhoids, and that is part of the damage compensation sought.

Holy Moly, if hemorrhoids were worth money...?

I’d be typing this from my beachfront cabana in Tahiti, in between hosing some thick Polynesian chick with an insatiable appetite for breadfruit and tea baggin'.

I thought about writing about last Sunday and what happened after I got really Bagwine-Faced.

But alas, I can’t remember a damn thing that happened after the second fifth of Rose.

VE of VE’s Fantastical Nonsense, is doing a post sometime today that includes a reference to me. Maybe I’ll just live vicariously through him today.

If you have never read VE, you should.

He is always amusing and when he is at his best, he's one of the funniest Mo-Foes around.

Of course, VE recently got married, so that could change pretty soon.

Catch him now, before both his humor, and his will to live begin to decompose.

I thought perhaps, I could talk about which of my readers I’d most like to have sex with, but that changes each time somebody comments.

I figure I could just hose all of you at once…A Ginormous Bagwine Orgy. That way we could save time on me disappointing each of you on a individual basis.

I am off today. So tonight I finally get a chance to cook again. I am going with a rural, down home menu.

I am making cornbread stuffed with sausage, cheese, and onions…Omelets, and corned beef hash.

After the meal, and keeping with the rural, life on the farm theme...

Schmoop and I are going to pretend to be brother and sister and have sex like rabid chickens.

Cock-a-Fuckin’-Doodle-Do!!

Maybe I’ll take pictures for Friday’s post…Of the food, not the sex, you perverted bastards.

You guys still awake, or did I lose you by now?

Anyhoo, these are the things that came to mind, and upon which, I will not post.

I’m sure Dana, is over at her site Ho-in’ around, being all Half-Nekkid n’shit.

If you are in search of some excitement, or in Vinny’s case, the elusive hard-on, you can always stop by her place.

Have a great day everybody. If I think of anything to write about, I’ll let ya know.

Cheers!!