Streaming Friday!!

It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiiday so break out the Ben Gay ‘cause I am going to play basketball with my son sometime BEFORE I go to work tonight.

Holy Frijoles am I going to be sore tomorrow. My body will be stiff in every spot except where stiffness is of use to me. Nobody knows the troubles I see…

I can’t believe that Bernie Mac died at such a young age. And then the soulful Scientologist Isaac Hayes is picked up by the big spaceship. Yikes.

I heard that Hayes died from a stroke.

Won’t that be ironic if that is what one day takes the life of Clarence Carter? Strokin’ to the East, Strokin’ to the West, Strokin’ with St. Peter, makin’ one holy mess…I be Strokin!!

Flip flop…flip flop…goo goo goo. Mmmmmmm coffee. Need more. Sid is throwing up again, doesn’t it seem that Schmoop is always allegedly having her monthly visit.

I smell a cruel plot by her to keep me from violating her hoo-ha.

Or, maybe that smell indicates that her basement is actually flooding once again. Strokin’!! And in fact, that seems to be the case for the next few days.

Fox and Friends: Steve Doocy. Brian Kilmeade. Gretchen Carlson. Are there any three people sitting in the same place that are more vacuous than these three yay hoos? No, no I say!!

Dear God, they are awful. They make Bill O’Reilly appear thoughtful and intelligent.

I be strokin’!! Mmmmmmm, cigarette. I really should quit, but I so love the taste of tar in the morning. Be right back, I gots to pee. Ahhhhhh, much better.

Televangelist and wife of Joel Osteen, Victoria Osteen was cleared by a jury of assaulting a flight attendant. I took one thing away from the trial upon seeing Ms. Osteen on TV yesterday, and it’s this…

If she was made in God’s image, God must have one Huuuuuuuuuge Ass!!

Wow, Vicky, girl. Noah’s ark wasn’t as wide as your holy caboose. You’d better do something soon, ‘cause your trunk ain’t gonna fit through the pearly gates.

Amen, and Praise da Baby Jeebus.

Well, I must be off, for I must take Schmoop’s raggin’ ass to work. And then come back home.

Then I have to go to the grocery…and then come back home…then, off to see Ryno…and then to pick up Schmoop…then back home…and then go to work…and then back home.

I won’t know if I am coming or going today, but at least when I see the wet spot on my crotch I will no that I went…or something like that. There was a joke in all of that somewhere that I just couldn’t pull off.

Have a lovely Friday, all. As for me? I’ll be strokin’!!

Cheers!!

Beer in Hand, Pen in Mouth, and Holy Baby Jeebus, I Got Nuthin'

I am at a loss of late as to what to write about.

I mean, I could always talk about politics, but...

That bores some of you to death, and I don’t want to be responsible for your death.

Sure, I could live with passing on my herpes to you, but causing your death? That would be a bit unsettling.

I thought about writing about Joel Osteen’s wife being sued for assault of a flight attendant, but the alleged victim that is suing her seems to be half a nut as well.

Sharon Brown says that as a result of getting pushed by Victoria Osteen, she developed hemorrhoids, and that is part of the damage compensation sought.

Holy Moly, if hemorrhoids were worth money...?

I’d be typing this from my beachfront cabana in Tahiti, in between hosing some thick Polynesian chick with an insatiable appetite for breadfruit and tea baggin'.

I thought about writing about last Sunday and what happened after I got really Bagwine-Faced.

But alas, I can’t remember a damn thing that happened after the second fifth of Rose.

VE of VE’s Fantastical Nonsense, is doing a post sometime today that includes a reference to me. Maybe I’ll just live vicariously through him today.

If you have never read VE, you should.

He is always amusing and when he is at his best, he's one of the funniest Mo-Foes around.

Of course, VE recently got married, so that could change pretty soon.

Catch him now, before both his humor, and his will to live begin to decompose.

I thought perhaps, I could talk about which of my readers I’d most like to have sex with, but that changes each time somebody comments.

I figure I could just hose all of you at once…A Ginormous Bagwine Orgy. That way we could save time on me disappointing each of you on a individual basis.

I am off today. So tonight I finally get a chance to cook again. I am going with a rural, down home menu.

I am making cornbread stuffed with sausage, cheese, and onions…Omelets, and corned beef hash.

After the meal, and keeping with the rural, life on the farm theme...

Schmoop and I are going to pretend to be brother and sister and have sex like rabid chickens.

Cock-a-Fuckin’-Doodle-Do!!

Maybe I’ll take pictures for Friday’s post…Of the food, not the sex, you perverted bastards.

You guys still awake, or did I lose you by now?

Anyhoo, these are the things that came to mind, and upon which, I will not post.

I’m sure Dana, is over at her site Ho-in’ around, being all Half-Nekkid n’shit.

If you are in search of some excitement, or in Vinny’s case, the elusive hard-on, you can always stop by her place.

Have a great day everybody. If I think of anything to write about, I’ll let ya know.

Cheers!!