Matt-Man: A Day in the Life...

Happy Thursday, Bitches!!

Today is my scheduled day off and I feel pretty good even after working in the wind and the cold last night. So, all I can say to that is, “Boo Yah!!”

I was reading the comments that some of you left yesterday inquiring as to my whereabouts.

I merely spent the day resting up because I knew I would be working in some shitty weather last night.

I appreciate the concern, and your inquiries gave me an idea for today’s post.

Since, as I said, I am off all day today and so you need not ask what is going on with me, I am going to let you know exactly what I am doing and thinking as the day transpires. That’s right!!

I will be giving you periodic updates as to my doings, ruminations, and other exciting day-off activities.

Consider it as though I am Twittering, only on a grander scale. I think this could make for an incredibly boring scintillating post.

And don’t worry…I will not make each update a new post. I will merely edit and add my updates to this post, so as to not be obnoxious to various reader programs.

So gang…Let’s get livin’ with the Matt-Man!!

4:41 A.M.: Woke up. Walked to the kitchen and turned on the coffee pot. Went to the bathroom and took a major leak. The foam from my pee formed the face of Queen Boudica. “Cool”, I said.

5:02 A.M.: Back to the bathroom to take a dump. As it has been for three weeks due to my antibiotics, my rectal discharges are not solid. They are more the consistency of a dirty brown water main break.

5:30 A.M.: Schmoop woke up and I turned on MSNBC’s Way to Early with Willie Geist. Poured second cup of coffee.

6 A.M.: Watching Morning Joe (Brewed by Starbucks) as I typed this post. By the way, I am wearing a T-Shirt and my boxers, Mr. Happy Pants.

More Later…

7:00 A.M.: Schmoop left for work. She's really "thrilled". It's just me and the cat now. Strike up the porn music.

7:21 A.M.: Just got off of the phone with Ryno. He has his first scrimmage tonight after school. He's rarin' to go and sink some three pointers. He promised to drain one for me.

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9:29 A.M.: Just got out of the shower...shaved...dressed...Feelin' Good. What to do now? Oh, I know!! Let's have a beer!! Yum.

9:46 A.M: A little over five hours into my day, I fired up my first cigarette. Not Bad.

10:05 A.M: After reading P-Man's comment, I said "twat" out loud five times. I smiled.

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11:48 A.M.: Just got off of the phone with my friend Richard. Richard is a psychologist who calls ME up for advice and my opinion. Is that scary or what? It was actually a nice conversation for once. I think he was buzzed.

12:00 P.M.: Hey Dice!? Look...My Lighthouse is crying!!

12:55 P.M.: Schmoop will be home in 1-2 hours...Do I feed the underage Guatemalan hookers lunch or send them away now to be on the safe side? Advise quickly, please.

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1:46 P.M.: Man...I have one helluva good buzz going on. Not only does my lung not hurt...My back, where they stuck the tube, doesn't hurt.

2:40 P.M.: After a brief nap, the phone rang and Schmoop 's brother called to announce that he is coming up for suds and frivolity. Oh the Joy, I dig Dave!!

3:39 P.M.: Dave has two grave sites for sale...$1,500.00 if anyone is interested.

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4:45 P.M.: Somebody call the Police...We're having a domestic violence incident over whether Schmoop's brother is going to pick her up in the morning and take her to her Mom's or whether I will take her. Yes, it's due to Schmoop. God Help Us!!

5:18 P.M.: I'm watching Glenn Beck and he is trashing Andy Stern and SEIU. HA!! As someone who worked for SEIU, (and trust me, I didn't leave on good terms) he is such a fucking liar about the ends and means of both Stern and SEIU. Beck is such a lying, dumb fuck.

5:56P.M.: Okay I thought Glenn Beck was the epitome of stupid, but dig it...I just saw a commercial for a waterproof orthopedic dog bed. I have no idea what I am posting about tomorrow. I'm surrounded by stupid today. So many options!!

Cheers!!

Way Too Early With Willie Geist and Morning Joe on MSNBC: Actual Thought Goes Well With Coffee

I am an early riser typically.

On most days I arise at 5:30 A.M.…

Or to be more accurate, at 5:30 A.M., I get off of Kelly in order to go take a leak, plug the coffeemaker in, fire up the day’s first cigarette, and then turn on the TV.

The channel on the Bagwine TV is immediately turned to MSNBC.

At 5:30, MSNBC kicks off with, Way too Early with Willie Geist. I dig the Willie, and his half hour show is a great way to wake up. It’s news, but he makes it amusing.

At 6 A.M., Morning Joe (Brewed by Starbucks) begins, and runs until 9:00 A.M. If you want to know what the day’s headlines are, enjoy politics, and revel in intelligent discourse, this is the morning show that you need to watch.

Morning Joe is hosted by Joe Scarborough, a former Congressman from Pensacola, FL. His co-hosts are Mika Brzezinski, and the aforementioned, Willie Geist.

Scarborough is almost as conservative as people can be. His lifetime voting record in Congress earned him an ACU rating in the low to mid 90’s. How could I, Matt-Man, enjoy watching a guy like this?

He’s not a nut job conservative who believes in Death Panels or the claim of Obama being born in Kenya, and is more than comfortable in criticizing his own, beloved GOP. On top of that…

Scarborough can be pretty damn funny. I like that. He and Willie Geist are the Abbott and Costello of morning shows…but it’s in a smart way.

Mika Brzezinski is sitting next to Joe the entire time. And Mika? She’s easy on the eyes, can read the news as well as anyone, and…she is freakin’ annoying as hell!!

She’s a nanny state chick who wants everything that is bad for a person’s health, such as Big Macs, sugary drinks, and of course tobacco to be taxed out the ass. Rarely does a day go by that she doesn’t bring it up. And, she…never…shuts…up!!

And while I don’t find Mika to be too bright, her IQ is still at least 20 points higher than the combined IQ of Steve Doocy, Brian Kilmeade, and the uber-vacuous Gretchen Carlson over at Fox and Friends.

Anyhoo…

Morning Joe, unlike the right wing propaganda over at FOX with Hannity and The O’Reilly Factor, and the left wing love fest that takes place on MSNBC with Countdown with Keith Olbermann and The Rachel Maddow Show, is incredibly balanced.

The show is balanced not so much by the trio of hosts, but by the guests that they have on. They have the best guests on morning show TV, period.

Whether a person is Liberal, Conservative, or Moderate…If that person is someone who has influence in our country and the world in all areas from economics, health care, or international relations, they appear on the show.

Recurring guests include Liberals such as, Eugene Robinson, Lawrence O’Donnell, and Mike Barnicle.

Conservatives include Pat Buchanan, Dan Senor, and Peggy Noonan. Anyone in the know, appears on Morning Joe (Brewed by Starbucks).

There you have it folks. Nothing really funny here today, but I just wanted to give you a tip.

If you are tired of all of the left and right wing crazies that appear on cable TV, and want to hear informed and thoughtful opinions (whether you agree with them or not) being bandied about, there is a place that you can go.

And that place is called…

Morning Joe (Brewed by Starbucks)...in spite of Mika.

Cheers!!