For today's regularly scheduled post, scroll down...However!!A word about Wednesday's post. I may have just solved (with the unwitting help of a reader from New York) the mystery of the Book of Revelation!!
The results? Shocking!!
Cheers!!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Holy Baby Jeebus!!
For today's regularly scheduled post, scroll down...However!!A word about Wednesday's post. I may have just solved (with the unwitting help of a reader from New York) the mystery of the Book of Revelation!!
The results? Shocking!!
Cheers!!
Certain Death A-Weights Me
Something hit me recently…There is a conspiracy afoot that involves my waistline.
Those involved, come from a varied field of friends, family, and present and former fornication partners.
A couple of years ago, I hit my epiphiantic (another new word that I have invented…adj. having the characteristics of inducing an epiphany) body dimensions…
Six foot tall, 265 pounds.
That’s not an incredibly bad build if one is a muscle bound NFL Fullback with 10-12% body fat, but for me? Not so good.
I wrote a post long ago about this aforementioned epiphiantic moment…It was the day when I got dressed one morning and my socks didn’t fit.
My socks, people!! Seriously, how does that happen? No matter how big one gets, doesn’t one’s socks always fit?
Not in my case…I was truly bummed.
I persevered, and after a couple of years I shed many of the pounds through eschewing carbs (yes, even warm, heavily buttered toast…God, I do love toast.)
That’s not an incredibly bad build if one is a muscle bound NFL Fullback with 10-12% body fat, but for me? Not so good.
I wrote a post long ago about this aforementioned epiphiantic moment…It was the day when I got dressed one morning and my socks didn’t fit.
My socks, people!! Seriously, how does that happen? No matter how big one gets, doesn’t one’s socks always fit?
Not in my case…I was truly bummed.
I persevered, and after a couple of years I shed many of the pounds through eschewing carbs (yes, even warm, heavily buttered toast…God, I do love toast.)
I ate meat; drank water, and consumed gallons of soup.
After all of the hard work, that has resulted in a Herculean-Like (Rick Hercules, a former plumber who used to live next door to me) physique of 6 foot tall 184, there is a movement abound to strip me of that.
Last week, my Drive-Thru buddy and Pizza Maker, Bill, brought to work a huge plate full of Chicken and Dumplings that he had made and suggested I take it home and eat it.
After all of the hard work, that has resulted in a Herculean-Like (Rick Hercules, a former plumber who used to live next door to me) physique of 6 foot tall 184, there is a movement abound to strip me of that.
Last week, my Drive-Thru buddy and Pizza Maker, Bill, brought to work a huge plate full of Chicken and Dumplings that he had made and suggested I take it home and eat it.
I did...the entire thing...by myself. It was very good.
As I relayed to you on Sunday’s post, Bill also made a GINORMOUS pepperoni, banana pepper, and double cheese pizza “for Schmoop and I.”
A couple of weeks ago, long time friend Sherri, suggested that I stop losing weight because I am, “melting away”.
Schmoop says the same thing, and often says to me, “Eat Papa, Eat!!”
In a health-related aside, she has also suggested that I take up smoking Camel Non-Filter cigarettes. Hmmmm?
Schmoop’s brother Dave, recently brought me a titanic sized jar full of olives, Hostess Ding Dongs, lunchmeat, and crème puffs.
And the topper? On Sunday, the ex and Ryno came through the Drive-Thru with a hi-caloric and antagonistic thrombotic offering from Chipotle.
The Sunday before, they brought me a sack full of Burger King goodness.
Oh sure, don’t get me wrong…It is very kind of all of these people (minus the Camel Non-Filter thing) to offer their food and their advice, but…
Is it really kind of them, or are they trying to KILL me with kindness?
Is there some type of perverted, insurance policy pay-off cabal being forged by this coven of ne’er-do-wells?
I wonder…Are they really praying for my arteries to burst or my colon to implode?
I don’t know…I hope I find out before it's too late.
In the meantime? Man, all of this crap they’ve been giving me to eat is soooo damn goood.
Cheers!!
As I relayed to you on Sunday’s post, Bill also made a GINORMOUS pepperoni, banana pepper, and double cheese pizza “for Schmoop and I.”
A couple of weeks ago, long time friend Sherri, suggested that I stop losing weight because I am, “melting away”.
Schmoop says the same thing, and often says to me, “Eat Papa, Eat!!”
In a health-related aside, she has also suggested that I take up smoking Camel Non-Filter cigarettes. Hmmmm?
Schmoop’s brother Dave, recently brought me a titanic sized jar full of olives, Hostess Ding Dongs, lunchmeat, and crème puffs.
And the topper? On Sunday, the ex and Ryno came through the Drive-Thru with a hi-caloric and antagonistic thrombotic offering from Chipotle.
The Sunday before, they brought me a sack full of Burger King goodness.
Oh sure, don’t get me wrong…It is very kind of all of these people (minus the Camel Non-Filter thing) to offer their food and their advice, but…
Is it really kind of them, or are they trying to KILL me with kindness?
Is there some type of perverted, insurance policy pay-off cabal being forged by this coven of ne’er-do-wells?
I wonder…Are they really praying for my arteries to burst or my colon to implode?
I don’t know…I hope I find out before it's too late.
In the meantime? Man, all of this crap they’ve been giving me to eat is soooo damn goood.
Cheers!!
Turnbaby is celebrating her 2nd Blogiversary on her BlogTalk Radio show tonight. For details, and to say congrats, click HERE.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Matt-Man Mocks Ike...Ike Bitch Slaps Bagwine
On yesterday's post, I mocked the impending doom of the remnants of Hurricane Ike's visit to the Bagwine Valley.Well, slap me on the ass and call me Tina. Ike smacked Bagwine, Ohio upside the head with atypical fury for this region.
For several hours yesterday, winds were consistently blowing at 50 mph with higher gusts.
The high gust in Bagwine reached a peak of 78 mph.
Trees are down all over the place and there is roof damage galore 'round here.
Hundreds of thousands in Southwest Ohio are still without power, and hundreds of schools and businesses are closed.
Our power was off from 5 P.M. Sunday until 1 A.M. this morning. We just got the internets and phone back about an hour ago.
I will be working all day today, but I leave you with a few pictures that were sent in to our local newspaper.
With any luck, things will soon be back to normal and come Tuesday, I'll be able to catch back up with all of you wunnerful people.
Until then...
Cheers!!
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