Health Care Reform Passes...Right Wingers Head To The Emergency Room

I have Health Care reform on the brain on this, what we shall call, Healthcare Fallout Monday or what some of the more paranoid in our society are calling, The Day America Died at the Hands of a Renegade Kenyan.

Yes folks, Obama Care…Health Care Reform…The Leftists Wiping Their Asses With The Constitution, whatever you want to call it has passed the House, 219-212.

And folks…

There is much wailing and gnashing of the teeth among frenzied, God-fearing, right-wing mouth breathers who are melting down their gold fillings, buying their survival seeds, and putting their glossies of Glenn Beck and Ann Coulter into nuclear-proof, archival sheet protectors.

President Obama and the Democratically controlled Congress have not only sent this nation down the "Road to Perdition" they have sent every Sarah Palin loving Son of a Bitch into an irreversible state of apoplexy.

I hope these fucked up teabaggin’ fatalists have a good health care plan, because man…merely listenin’ to Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity everyday isn’t going to be enough to resuscitate these folks this time.

I was listening to a right wing radio talk show out of Columbus, Ohio while at work Sunday, and what sounded to be a lady in her fifties called in and through her audible sobbing said to the fear mongering host:

“Since Wednesday, when I saw that this Health Care Bill had a possibility to pass, I have been unable to cope.”

I was transfixed to the radio, no really. I turned my head, stared at the radio, and with mouth agape as I walked toward the psychotic voice emanating from the radio, I spoke:

“You have been crying and unable to cope for nearly five days over this? Holy Shit Bitch…If anyone needs health care it’s you…and quickly!!”

Oy Vay!!

Listen now…I am not a big fan of this bill, nor I am big fan of Pelosi; I loathe Harry Reid, and I am ambivalent about Obama, however…

I am sure as hell not afraid of any of them or worried that our country is on the brink of collapse or a Communist takeover.

Do you know why? ‘Cause unlike these, Chicken Little, The Socialistic Sky Is Falling, whistle dicks crying into their copy of Bill O’Reilly’s latest book, I trust our Constitution.

These freaks who are crying that our Constitution is being trashed and want it followed, actually have no faith in the very document which they claim to honor.

If they did, they would relax and exercise their right to vote out nearly anyone who voted yes on this bill should they feel the need come November. Hell in 2012, they can vote Obama out.

I’m sure there’ll be plenty of lawsuits claiming that this bill is unconstitutional. When these lawsuits make it to the Supreme Court, if all or parts of the bill are deemed unconstitutional, the Supreme Court will say as much.

So relax, and all of you walking, talking freak shows, let the Constitution that you claim to love so much, work…

Unless of course, instead of truly desiring the glorious words of the U.S. Constitution to be followed, you just want your own inglorious desires to be followed.

No matter, how all of this Health Care Reform crap plays out in the long run, we will as a nation be okay. We always have been, sometimes in spite of ourselves.

And watching the demonstrations of incredibly histrionic displays of anger by some Obama hating, teabag gin’ assholes over this entire episode, this is one of those “in spite of ourselves” times.

Cheers!!

Sorry Folks...

I am typically punctual with my post, but the goddamn House of Representatives is holding up my post. I need them to vote on Health Care Reform before I put my post up.

If anything is un-American about this entire debate, it's the fact that they are delaying Matt-Man!!

They'd better not make me stay up past 12:30. If they do? Matt-Man will once again start talking in his obnoxious and pretentious third person style. Matt-Man is getting angry.

Vote Dammit!!

Cheers!!

Michele Bachmann: Tea Bagging Her Way To Fame

The health care “debate” in spite of my thinking that it could sink no lower, has plummeted to a nadir that even nattering nabobs of negativism would be hard pressed to believe.

In fact, if I were to channel the ancient spirit of Spiro Agnew, he would probably react to this new line of “debate” by saying, “What the fuck?”

Yesterday, the semi-saucy and full on crazy Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN) held a rally in Washington D.C.

Ms. Bachmann Pancake Turner Nosedive feels that any health care reform bill put forth by the Democrats is nothing more than a coup attempt by Communist pigs to convert our land of milk and honey into a trough of rotten beets and cheap vodka.

Okay, I exaggerated…Bachmann has no clue as to what the word “coup” means, but you get my point.

Bachmann helped to gather 4,000 or so tea baggers to Capitol Hill.

Angry and feeling as if they have no voice, these 4,000 people who traveled to D.C. upon the Federal Interstate Highway system, protected along the way by gasoline tax funded state troopers, and enjoying assembly security provided by the National Parks Department, shouted down the government.

These folks ripped up copies of Pelosi’s health care bill… a bill that even if they did have time to read, would be unable to read it. There’s all of those polysyllabic words and such after all.

Mary Beth Bishop of Colorado summed up the burning anger of the protestors by saying:

"We need to show up and uphold the Constitution. It wasn't written on toilet paper."

Very deep Mary Beth, but don’t assume…Times were tough in America when the Constitution was penned and it very well could have been written on toilet paper in order to save money. But I digress.

Speaking of the Constitution, fellow Ohioan and House Minority Leader John Boehner proudly waved a copy of the Constitution while quoting the Declaration of Independence and its holding of certain truths to be self-evident.

Simple mistake…Kinda like the time when the Apostle Matthew waved around the Magdalen Papyrus containing the teachings of the Beatitudes while speaking of the incestuous shenanigans of Lot and his daughters.

It’s understandable. Boehner probably has many a brain miscue due to absorbing far too many gamma rays during his far too frequent tanning bed sessions.

Of course, Bachmann did put a couple of deep thinkers into her program. She brought along thalidomide victim, Rep. Virginia “Matthew Shepard Being Killed Because He Was Gay Is a Hoax” Foxx (R-NC).

And of course in attendance were Jon Voight and John Ratzenberger (aka Cliff from Cheers) better known to those in high brow right wing circles as the Remus and Romulus of Conservative thought.

Seriously…I don’t get it. Other than the oddball guy who digs a middle aged chick who is in need of breast augmentation and a lobotomy reversal, who in the hell follows a nut job like Michele Bachmann?

Hell…Maybe it is I who is crazy. Perhaps I am some sort of anachronism that foolishly lives in an era when the thoughts of Paine, Jefferson, and Madison ruled the day.

I don’t know…All I know is that if Bachmann and those who follow her manage to gain influence over the direction of this country, we are in a world of hurt…

Not only because idiots like those will control the government, but there could very well end up being a remake of Dumb and Dumber starring Jon Voight and John Ratzenberger.

Cheers!!

Truthers, Birthers, Rachel Maddow, and Glenn Beck Need Not Apply

Well my friends…President Obama addressed Congress last night outlining what he wanted to see in the way of a Health Care Reform bill.

I thought it was a pretty good speech, in spite of amateurish Congressman Joe Wilson (R-SC) screaming at the President, “You Lie”. C’mon Joe...classless, rude, and stupid is no way to go through life son.

Anyhoo…

Will Obama get what he wants? Will Congress do anything substantial? Eh, I doubt it. Today’s Congress is far too polarized and representatives are far too self serving.

And, because of their propensity for inaction and off the wall claims toward each other from both Democrats and Republicans, I have decided to form a third party. And yes, I am serious.

I know; there are a number of third parties out there…

The Libertarian Party. I have a huge Libertarian streak that runs through me, but as I do enjoy drinking coffee that doesn’t contain shit, I appreciate government run wastewater treatment plants.

And fire departments…I like fire departments. Plus, the 2008 Libertarian Presidential candidate was Bob Barr. I mean, c’mon…Bob Barr?

The Green Party. Are they an annoying, pretentious lot or what? I’ll cut back on my electric use and recycle when I can; quit giving me grief about it.

You guys are emotionally exhausting, and you only have political clout in places where the majority of voters eat gorp and wear Birkenstocks.

The Constitution Party. You’re still riding the success of that 200+ year old document? Anything new?

Oh that’s right, the 27th Amendment which affects Congressional pay raises and was originally introduced by James Madison finally passed in 1992. Zzzzzzzzzz.

There are others, but most of these third parties aren’t serious or are single issues types of parties that have no broad appeal. I, along with others who want to join, am going to build an effective third political party.

With the help of relatively new Bagwine reader and center-right guy, Clay Perry, the platform for this party is already being discussed. But, before we can fully go to work on that, allow me to toss a few thoughts out there.

This party is for people who are open to differing views, can think critically, and most importantly, can think for themselves.

Truthers, Birthers, and other gray matter deprived nut jobs who hang on every word uttered by folks such as Sean Hannity, Keith Olbermann, Glenn Beck, and Rachel Maddow, need not apply for membership. We will just make fun of you.

If you’re interested, I have a couple of things to ask of you. Let me know through comment or e-mail what things should be in our platform. Secondly…Our party needs a name.

For me, The Bagwine Party, came to mind, but then I thought…People would call us Bagwiners. I don’t like the connotation.

The "winer" thing makes us sound like we are politically correct Nanny-Staters, and of course that is a group whom this party will stand firmly against.

So, give me some ideas so that I can get to work on getting a design for our logo.

That’s where I am with this idea so far. I want to pick a local or regional office for which this party can field a candidate in the 2010 election cycle, so time is of the essence.

Help me out folks…Help yourselves out, and help this country out.

Cheers!!

President Obama Vacations on Martha's Vineyard, Conservatives for Patients' Rights Squeal, and Barack Turns Pale

The group, Conservatives for Patient’s Rights has been running the above, Surf’s Up health care ad of late in order to coincide with President Obama’s week long vacation on Martha’s Vineyard which he began yesterday.

Eh, the ad is a little cheesy, lacks that “grab ya and gotcha” hook, and is in my opinion, pretty damn lame.

But folks let me tell you something…I am very pissed off at the vacationing Barack Obama right now…VERY.

Because he is pushing for National Health Care? No. Because he is taking time off? Nooooo. “Then why, Matt-Man”, you ask?

I am pissed at President Obama because when I checked my ballot back in November, I checked it for a former drug using, street savvy, black man for President, not an Evian drinking, Tommy Hilfiger wearing, white guy.

I first noticed him becoming white during the “Beer Summit” he had with the cop and the professor. Did you notice what kind of beer Obama drank? A Bud Light…

Dude, c’mon you’re black, you should have been sucking on some Wild Irish Rose out of a jelly jar or at least been chugging down a 40 of Colt 45. WTF?

And now…look. Look where he and his family are spending their vacation. Chilmark, on Martha’s Vineyard!!

For Godssakes they’re a black family from the south side of Chicago not a family of crackers from the upper west side of Manhattan.

Obama should be spending his summer vacation playing some street ball, and cruising the ‘hood in a ‘63 Buick Electra 225 with tricked out wheels and a fuzzy steering wheel.

He shouldn’t be playing croquet on the back lawn prior to enjoying a drive along the beach in a Volvo…or worse yet, a God Damn golf cart.

I am sooooo disgusted and disappointed in Obama. He has lost his soul.

He’s a black man who has been elected President of the most powerful country on Earth.

He should be struttin’ around and acting all hip, funky, and ghettolicious like my hero, Rick James. Barack should be greeting people with the phrase, “I’m President Obama, Bitch!!” But nooooo…

When he meets someone now, he says, “I’m President Obama, Ma’am…would you like a twist of lemon with your spritzer?” Holy Cow…

Instead of acting like Rick James, Obama is acting more like Rick Steves.

Maybe if health care reform doesn’t work out, he can do a travel special for PBS that highlights all of the quaint spots and bargain stays in and around the Buzzard’s Bay-Nantucket Sound area.

I miss the guy who would orate with the passion and fire of MLK, Jr. taking us all to the mountaintop

All I get from him now is a guy who speaks like a Methodist minister named Bob Smith finishing up his service by directing everyone to the bake sale in the church basement.

Sad.

C’mon, Brutha Barack…get your groove back…get your swagger back. Get your soul back.

I dig your reserved thoughtfulness, but man, sometimes…one has to go ahead and get jiggy with it.

Cheers!!