We have a fantastic, free Summer Arts Festival…A venue in the Clark State Center for the Performing Arts that draws top notch acts…
A thriving crack and methamphetamine industry.
But, what really makes this town of 60,000 or so come alive, is the four or five times every winter when anywhere from 2-6 inches of snow is predicted.
When the weather gurus announce an impending snowfall, the serene, peace loving, and in many cases, strung out denizens of Bagwine get all jacked up and devolve into:
Grocery Store Wildebeests of the White Death
Tuesday evening into Wednesday Morning our fair hamlet may be under the grips of 2-3 inches of snow. This my friends, in Bagwine terms is, The Apocalypse.
Late Monday through the day Tuesday, grocery stores throughout the city will be packed with panicked people in search of enough food to sustain them through the impending frozen maelstrom.
Every aisle will be filled with an unwashed crush of people trampling underfoot with the sound and fury of the Wildebeest herds thundering across the Ndutu Plains.
And smelling like, well…mothballs and taint sweat.
Furiously, limbs will be grabbing for staples such as bread, milk, and Krispy Kremes.
Shouts of “Get out of my way lady.” and “Screw the Salmonella, I need 3 sacks of Nutter Butters and a gallon of Peanut Butter Passion Ice Cream to go along with my Diet Pepsi!!”
Oh my, the stampede of gastronomic greed and fear is not for the feint of heart.
During an impending bout of White Death, even a younger person can be injured by an elderly lady when standing in between her and her can of Dinty Moore Beef Stew. (3 for $4.00 now thru Wednesday at your local Kroger store!!)
If the forecast holds, and the projected doom draws nigh, I will videotape the migration of the White Death Wildebeests for you.
I will risk my life so that some of you may in the future, live...
And now, a belated Happy Birthday shout out to longtime Bagwine friend Katherine. The uber lovely Kat turned 50 on Saturday.
If you get a minute, please click HERE and go wish her a Happy Birthday. She’s a sweetheart…most of the time.
Lastly, Bagwine Ruminations is currently linked on the website of the 50,000 Watt talk radio giant 700 WLW, which broadcasts from Cincinnati.
Funny man Scott Sloan who typically does the 9 P.M.-12 A.M. show on WLW, has linked Bagwine Ruminations in the, Fresh, Hot Links section of his web page.
If you don’t believe me, or want to see images of one of the most disturbed men doing talk radio today, click HERE.
Bring on the White Death, and enjoy your Monday, all.
Cheers!!
But, what really makes this town of 60,000 or so come alive, is the four or five times every winter when anywhere from 2-6 inches of snow is predicted.When the weather gurus announce an impending snowfall, the serene, peace loving, and in many cases, strung out denizens of Bagwine get all jacked up and devolve into:
Grocery Store Wildebeests of the White Death
Tuesday evening into Wednesday Morning our fair hamlet may be under the grips of 2-3 inches of snow. This my friends, in Bagwine terms is, The Apocalypse.
Late Monday through the day Tuesday, grocery stores throughout the city will be packed with panicked people in search of enough food to sustain them through the impending frozen maelstrom.
Every aisle will be filled with an unwashed crush of people trampling underfoot with the sound and fury of the Wildebeest herds thundering across the Ndutu Plains.And smelling like, well…mothballs and taint sweat.
Furiously, limbs will be grabbing for staples such as bread, milk, and Krispy Kremes.
Shouts of “Get out of my way lady.” and “Screw the Salmonella, I need 3 sacks of Nutter Butters and a gallon of Peanut Butter Passion Ice Cream to go along with my Diet Pepsi!!”
Oh my, the stampede of gastronomic greed and fear is not for the feint of heart.
During an impending bout of White Death, even a younger person can be injured by an elderly lady when standing in between her and her can of Dinty Moore Beef Stew. (3 for $4.00 now thru Wednesday at your local Kroger store!!)
If the forecast holds, and the projected doom draws nigh, I will videotape the migration of the White Death Wildebeests for you.
I will risk my life so that some of you may in the future, live...And now, a belated Happy Birthday shout out to longtime Bagwine friend Katherine. The uber lovely Kat turned 50 on Saturday.
If you get a minute, please click HERE and go wish her a Happy Birthday. She’s a sweetheart…most of the time.
Lastly, Bagwine Ruminations is currently linked on the website of the 50,000 Watt talk radio giant 700 WLW, which broadcasts from Cincinnati.
Funny man Scott Sloan who typically does the 9 P.M.-12 A.M. show on WLW, has linked Bagwine Ruminations in the, Fresh, Hot Links section of his web page.
If you don’t believe me, or want to see images of one of the most disturbed men doing talk radio today, click HERE.
Bring on the White Death, and enjoy your Monday, all.
Cheers!!
34 comments:
Not only is Kat a sweetheart, she's like the only other "conservative" who reads your blog! She's got my back ... and your number! *wink*
I was in Dayton a few years ago for a 14" snowfall around Christmas time. I was watching the evening news and they told of at least 5 people who were severely injured while trying to dislodge an obstruction from their snow blower. I would like to say that I didn't laugh just a little at that many people doing something so stupid. But I did. ;-)
Dana: There's plenty of conservatives who read my blog. Like...well...and then there's...Cheers!!
Jay: Ha. I understand your mixed emotions. I however, am numb to those feelings because living here those things happening is commonplace to me. Cheers Jay!!
Do you put out speed bumps at work?
I survived a 30" snowfall once while living in New England. Of course up there they wait till after it stops snowing to go shopping. Like, what's the big deal?
Micky: That may be Mick but can you expect women in Bagwine to be snow bound at home with screming kids running around and not have access to the comfort that can only be provided by a big bag of Cheetos and a case of Colt 45? I say NO. Cheers!!
You find your town's drug culture amusing? Interesting.
Nicole: No, no I don't. I find it sad. Because folks 'round here could be doing so much more. The supply is not living up to the demand.
Oh, and I checked your blog out. Wow, you've done "alot" with it. Oy. Cheers!!
I always stock up on the hops whenever a snowstorm is predicted. Helps with the kids home from school.
Fantasy: Exactly what I was relaying to Mick. I stock up too. Of course, we stock up even when it's not going to snow. It's ensures that Schmoop and I can tolerate each other at least one more day. Cheers Meg!!
I haven't had time but will soon. I don't think you'll like what I have to say Mr Blow Hard. "Cheers"
White Death! Ha! I asked D this morning if he wanted to go to Kroger after work for shits and giggles. He said only if we can bring beer. Oh so very true! Great post.
When the WHITE DEATH landed here in my mountain valley I decided to use it as an opportunity to clear out the pantry. I should have taken my camera to Winco.. missed chance for the food hunt photo op... DAMMIT~
Ugh. You can have your White Death. That's why I fled the Midwest.
*running in terror*
Nicole: Oooooooo. I can't wait. I tremble at your...um...threat? Cheers!!
Schmoop: Ha. Well, hopefully the timing will work out so that I may capture the herds storming the bakery section as they gather onion buns and creme filled donuts. Oy Vay!! Thanks Baby, Cheers!!
Cheesy: What in the hell happens to minds of people? Probably everyone has too much or at least adequate food in the house, and could get through like you, by clearing out their cabinets. But I do agree with Meg, THERE MUST BE ALCOHOL. Cheers Sexy!!
Songbird: I love it. Of course, if I had to, I could walk to work. And, when the storm peaks, I'll be off. Boo Yah, for me!! Cheers!!
Isn't it stupid how this grocery store maylay is a true freak of weathers approach. Shit even when we had a pretty good blizzard, in '94 I think it was, and they called a state of emergency we were able to get out in our old dodge dart and get a pizza. Yes I know state of emergency means stay off the roads but we wanted pizza HA! The roads are alway cleared the following day damn near.
Lu: I think it just offers people an excuse to show off their innner-clown.
And you had a Dart? Ha. My mom had a '74 Dart. The thing while small, was a tank. I don't think it even required oil or clean filters. It just kept on running. Mmmmmmmm, Pizza. Cheers Pal!!
Lu: Oh, and one other thing...The crews here in Bagwine do an excellent job clearing the streets. Of course, it never satisfies most people. Cheers Lu!!
Our town does a pretty good job too but you will always have complainers who think they should have done better. I know the lady that called the paper's sound off column thinks they can do better, since she did four 360s while traveling down main street the other week :)
Lu: Wow. She did a 1440. She shouldn't complain; she should be proud!! Cheers Lu!!
...in Hell they serve mothballs and taint sweat pizza for supper...
Phfrankie: That's just terrible. Unless of course, they gave me a side of hot wings and a pitcher of beer with it. I could make that work. Cheers!!
...hot beer?...
Phfrankie: Adapt and Overcome...Cheers!!
Hell that stuff happens here in Memphis when they talk about .0025" of snow...
Bond: I can imagine. Stupid knows no region or social class. Cheers Vinny!!
LOLOL - that's the same way it is here as soon as the weather guys announce an impending snow storm. And my folks are part of the old people who storm the grocery stores!! They even call me to tell ME to be sure to go stock up! ha! But you put it into words waaaay better than I ever could. Too funny!
Giggle: Ha. Well make sure you get everything you need, young lady. Oh it's getting worse...We may now get 4-7 inches. Oh the Humanity!! Cheers Sweet Stuff!!
I love your touching tribute to the area's thriving narcotics industry. As for the stampede of desperate people grabbing emergency cans of stew, I suggest a trail of marbles on the floor.
My mother just came in with two gallons of milk for her and my dad. It's *MIGHT* sleet tonight. Key word: might.
The only thing worse is Senior Day at Kroger. Stay away on Wednesdays!!!!
HEY that's me!
thanks mateo...you are one of my faves...ALL of the time. smile.
high five to dana.
I'm hurt nicole didn't say Happy Birthday.
we drive five hours to play in the snow....
Chris: Ha. Maybe I'll try that. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Cheers!!
RLL: Oh yes, we have had bad experiences at Kroger when the blue hairs are there in force. Cheers Sexy!!
Kat: Anytime Kat. Yeah, Nicole needs to develop some better interpersonal skills. I hope you had a wunnerful birthday lovely one. Cheers and Many More!!
You know I have noticed that I seem to have a few more male bloggers on my list than female or at least a balance and that my commenters tend to be more male than female. I guess it just depends on the person. I really noticed it when I was pimping blogs at the holiday. The majority of who I pimped were men, but it didnt' occur to me until I reread my own post. Shrug. I stand by what I like! Ya'll are hilarious!xox Hope
Hope: Ai Yi Yi!! I trust things are going just duckie for ya. I'll drop by soonly. Cheers Hot Stuff!!
Post a Comment