On Thursday, I discussed the affair and subsequent fall out over the affair that Rick Pitino had with Karen Sypher.
In that particular dissertation, I also mentioned the recent affairs of Sen. John Ensign and Gov. Mark Sanford. And now…
Former Senator John Edwards is back in the news. It is being reported that he will soon admit to being the Baby Daddy of Rielle Hunter’s child.
Mizz Hunter is of course the woman that Edwards was dorking in the one of two Americas in which his wife Elizabeth, was not living.
I thought I was done talking about all of these affairs. I was merely trying to find a few jokes in all of this un-matrimonial madness. But I tell ya, I don’t find it funny any longer. I find it very disturbing and it makes me sick to my stomach.
How could the four aforementioned men of stature, power, and financial security do this? I mean for God’s sake…The chicks with whom they cheated on their spouses are butt ass ugly.
Here’s a picture of Pitino’s former “hot” babe, Karen Sypher…
WTF? I know they had sex at a fancy restaurant, but did he initially meet her while looking for a cost effective foot fungicide at Wal*Mart?
Sen. Ensign’s babe, Cindy Hampton…
A definite step up from that Karen Sypher chick, but c’mon Mr. Ensign…You are a United States Senator. I’m sure you can cheat on your wife with someone better than Mr. Ed’s long lost daughter. Maybe there’s some kind of bestiality thing going on with ya.
Mark Sanford traveled clear to Argentina to dip his wick in Maria Belen-Chapur…Why?
Holy Cow. This chick looks like Sophia Loren will look like if she lives to be 120. And this Southern Hemisphere harlot is only 44 or so.
And now…John Edwards and his birthing beauty, Rielle Hunter…
What the hell? That’s the lady that Edwards found so hot and desirable that he would risk his marriage, family and millions of dollars for?
She looks like she just came off a three day meth binge. Johnny Boy, Johnny Boy…If you’re going to do this again, please go to the drugstore and get some condoms and a bottle of Focus Factor first. Jeez.
I don’t get at all what these major dudes saw in these chicks. Hell, if they had a taste for truly hot babes instead of the hit upside the head with an ugly stick chicks they cheated with, they could have just come to my site.
Take for instance this leather chapped, hot, motorcycle ridin' mama...Yes indeed boys, allow me to introduce you to Kat. Perhaps, Ensign and Sanford would really dig her. She is a bit of a Conservative ya know. Purrrrrrrrrrr.
Of course there is the resident Bagwine beauty, Schmoop. Hummina Hummina. Hey Pitino, you wouldn't have to work your way through three layers of foundation and an oil slick of lipstick to get to the real thing with her.
Yo Edwards...here is our Bagwine scientist, Desert Rat. In spite of her appearance in this picture, she is NOT retarded. Brains, beauty, and well coiffed hair, just like you. Of course, she might be a little too good looking for your, um..."taste" in women.
Now dammit boys...You've already let your wives and families down, so here's my advice to you...
If you are, in the future, going to put your dignity and Johnson on the line, at least do it with a chick who is hot like all of the babes who stop by Bagwine.
You are giving the American heterosexual man a bad name.
Cheers!!
Katherine tagged me to write a post that utilizes the word, “retarded”.
I don’t usually bow to the pressure of such meme-type requests, but it’s Kat, and she’s…well…HOT.
So I acquiesced.
Many folks think that to use the word, retarded, in reference to one’s intellectual capacity, is incredibly offensive.
I find it to be many in cases, dead, balls-on accurate. I even use it in that vein upon myself from time to time.
Look it…I’ve talked about the amount of weight I have lost over the last couple of years. One bad thing about that is that my clothes don’t fit.
I have T-Shirts that come to my thighs. Hell, some of the shirts make it look as though I am wearing a house dress.
Typically, I use them to sleep in.
Well the other morning at 4 A.M. I woke up in a semi-conscious panic. I had to get my ass to the bathroom and do some serious fecal extrusion.
(I had eaten fried SPAM, cottage cheese, and butter beans the night before.)
When I was done and began to wipe my ass, something felt funny. I’m thinking to myself…
“What the hell kind of toilet paper did Schmoop buy? This stuff feels funky!!”
Well folks it wasn’t the toilet paper at all that was causing my butt hole consternation…
My hand full of toilet paper had caught the dangling house dress of a T-Shirt that I was wearing.
I was wiping my ass with the T-Shirt!! Smelly, suffering from Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and half asleep, I uttered unto myself…
“God Damn It, Matt…You are a fucking retard!!”
If a person refuses to allow the use of THAT word in THAT situation, THAT person is, well retarded.
Listen…I’m an asshole, but I don’t take offense when I hear a person call another an asshole. Suck it up folks.
Sometimes, there is just no other word that captures the complete and utter imbecility of a person better than the word, “retard”.
I ought to know, for I am so often on the receiving end of hearing it. And…
More often than not, it is completely justified.Cheers!!
There are many cultural aspects, events and activities around here that make living in Bagwine, Ohio enjoyable.
We have a fantastic, free Summer Arts Festival…A venue in the Clark State Center for the Performing Arts that draws top notch acts… A thriving crack and methamphetamine industry.
But, what really makes this town of 60,000 or so come alive, is the four or five times every winter when anywhere from 2-6 inches of snow is predicted.
When the weather gurus announce an impending snowfall, the serene, peace loving, and in many cases, strung out denizens of Bagwine get all jacked up and devolve into:
Grocery Store Wildebeests of the White Death
Tuesday evening into Wednesday Morning our fair hamlet may be under the grips of 2-3 inches of snow. This my friends, in Bagwine terms is, The Apocalypse.
Late Monday through the day Tuesday, grocery stores throughout the city will be packed with panicked people in search of enough food to sustain them through the impending frozen maelstrom.
Every aisle will be filled with an unwashed crush of people trampling underfoot with the sound and fury of the Wildebeest herds thundering across the Ndutu Plains.
And smelling like, well…mothballs and taint sweat.
Furiously, limbs will be grabbing for staples such as bread, milk, and Krispy Kremes.
Shouts of “Get out of my way lady.” and “Screw the Salmonella, I need 3 sacks of Nutter Butters and a gallon of Peanut Butter Passion Ice Cream to go along with my Diet Pepsi!!”
Oh my, the stampede of gastronomic greed and fear is not for the feint of heart.
During an impending bout of White Death, even a younger person can be injured by an elderly lady when standing in between her and her can of Dinty Moore Beef Stew. (3 for $4.00 now thru Wednesday at your local Kroger store!!)
If the forecast holds, and the projected doom draws nigh, I will videotape the migration of the White Death Wildebeests for you.
I will risk my life so that some of you may in the future, live...
And now, a belated Happy Birthday shout out to longtime Bagwine friend Katherine. The uber lovely Kat turned 50 on Saturday.
If you get a minute, please click HERE and go wish her a Happy Birthday. She’s a sweetheart…most of the time.
Lastly, Bagwine Ruminations is currently linked on the website of the 50,000 Watt talk radio giant 700 WLW, which broadcasts from Cincinnati.
Funny man Scott Sloan who typically does the 9 P.M.-12 A.M. show on WLW, has linked Bagwine Ruminations in the, Fresh, Hot Links section of his web page.
If you don’t believe me, or want to see images of one of the most disturbed men doing talk radio today, click HERE.
Bring on the White Death, and enjoy your Monday, all.
Cheers!!
A lovely Saturday here in Bagwine, Ohio…
Today marks the last in a series of Birthdays that have taken place this week.
It’s been a Bagwine Birthday-O-Rama, hasn’t it? Holy Baby Jeebus!!
Today marks the ex’s B-day.
I will be going out quite early this morning to fetch a card, some donuts, and a present for Ryno to give to his mom today.
Why do I do that for the ex? Because it’s the right thing to do, it makes Ryno happy, and it’s good for the little man to witness.
On top of that, I am just a helluva nice guy, and that’s how I roll.
And well…She does the same thing on my birthday. It’s not like we hate each other any longer…most of the time, anyway.
Sometime today, we will find out who Barack Obama’s running mate is. Are you excited? Of course you are.
Talk about exciting…I was invited to attend the Democratic National Convention and just “hang out.” I declined, for two reasons.
Number one, I am running for President myself. Number two, and more importantly, I will be hanging out at the Republican National Convention in September.
The reason is obvious…Conservative women are in more of a dire need to have some hot Matt-Man. They need to loosen up and lose their suburban angst, cast off the yoke of repressed sexual desires, and involve themselves in liberal doses of my nakedness.
It will be kinda fun giving the high hard one to such notable Conservatives such as Laura Ingraham and Monica Crowley. Purrrrrrrr.
And what the hell, because I am so giving and selfless, I’ll even get it on with Anthrax Coulter.
Don’t worry guys, I’ll use a strap-on and spread shellac on my tongue when doing her. I refuse to allow my Matt-Meat or my ankyloglossia to come in actual contact with Coulter’s toxic, vaginal walls of hate and loneliness.
I may even win over a few converts to my candidacy with my dork and my tongue. Move over, “Rock the Vote”, I‘m going to, “Lick the Vote.” Matt-Man: Muff Divin’ for ‘Merica!!Oh and by the way...Kat and Dana? Since both of you are Republican leaning women, I would be happy to include both of you in my initiative. Please?
Well, that’s all I got…that’s all there is…there isn’t anymore.
I may pop in again today to chime in on Obama’s VP pick, but that is contingent on me being sober enough to type.
Have a great Saturday, all.Cheers!!P.S. Here's to Obama's VP candidate pick, Sen. Joe Biden. The smartest, most brutally honest, and down to Earth SOB on Capitol Hill. Joe, you rock!!
What the hell? That’s the lady that Edwards found so hot and desirable that he would risk his marriage, family and millions of dollars for?
