Holy Wednesday marks the day that Judas conspired with the Sanhedrin to have Jeebus arrested and rubbed out. AND…
Tonight at sundown marks the beginning of Passover. AND…This is the last day that I will be consuming any food whatsoever until Easter Morning.
Yes indeed. The Jews are preparing to leave Egypt. I’m on the eve of a 72 hour fast, and Judas is makin’ Jeebus his bitch. Christ Almighty things are happenin’!!
Now, let’s talk about this Judas/Jeebus thing. Judas betrayed Jeebus with a kiss, which identified him to Roman authorities.
In return, Judas received 30 pieces of silver.
Why did he do this? That has been a matter of much speculation. However, the answer to that question lies within his name.
Mr. Betrayal had a nasty drug habit that he had to support. He was hooked on PCP…big time. What does that have to do with his name, you ask.
You see, the name of Judas has been mistranslated over time and it was but a mere nickname anyway. His real name was Herbert.
However, being a PCP addict, those who knew him, referred to him jokingly as, “Jew Dust.”
Why did he do this? That has been a matter of much speculation. However, the answer to that question lies within his name.
Mr. Betrayal had a nasty drug habit that he had to support. He was hooked on PCP…big time. What does that have to do with his name, you ask.
You see, the name of Judas has been mistranslated over time and it was but a mere nickname anyway. His real name was Herbert.
However, being a PCP addict, those who knew him, referred to him jokingly as, “Jew Dust.”
And now you know why Herbert “Jew Dust” Iscariot betrayed the Holy Baby Jeebus. Sad.
Now let’s move on to the Jewish observance of Passover. The Jews were in bondage in Egypt, and Moses, when not dorking Anne Baxter or Yvonne DeCarlo, spoke with God.
God told him that 10 plagues would come to Egypt and that finally Pharaoh would let them leave.
Now let’s move on to the Jewish observance of Passover. The Jews were in bondage in Egypt, and Moses, when not dorking Anne Baxter or Yvonne DeCarlo, spoke with God.
God told him that 10 plagues would come to Egypt and that finally Pharaoh would let them leave.
So after flies, bloody rivers, and the introduction of IKEA stores invaded Egypt, God really got pissed.
He plagued Egypt with the death of every firstborn son.
Now in order to make sure that Jewish heirs were not killed, the Jews were instructed to mark their doors with the blood of a spring lamb, and the plague would Pass Over their homes.
They did. It did, and then they left Egypt. Jeez, how come it took Cecil B. DeMille four frickin’ hours to tell this story?
Anyhoo, I have always thought that since the blood of a lamb could prevent death I would try it as well.
Some years ago I had three pints of blood drawn from me and replaced with lamb’s blood. It seems to protect me well.
He plagued Egypt with the death of every firstborn son.
Now in order to make sure that Jewish heirs were not killed, the Jews were instructed to mark their doors with the blood of a spring lamb, and the plague would Pass Over their homes.
They did. It did, and then they left Egypt. Jeez, how come it took Cecil B. DeMille four frickin’ hours to tell this story?
Anyhoo, I have always thought that since the blood of a lamb could prevent death I would try it as well.
Some years ago I had three pints of blood drawn from me and replaced with lamb’s blood. It seems to protect me well.
But, I still apply a little topically every Passover for insurance.
The only ill effects I have experienced from lamb’s blood coarsing through me and on me are the following:
I have an uncontrollable urge to eat ivy. When I shower, instead of soap, I use mint jelly, and the worse one?
Greek dudes are always tryin’ to sneak up from behind me and screw me in my hindquarters. So far, my ass has remained chaste.
Now lastly, on this most Holy Wednesday, a warning.
After today, I shall be fasting until Easter. I cannot be held responsible for what may appear on this blog during my, Caloric Purge for Christ.
If I begin to babble incoherently, do not call a doctor, a cleric, or especially a Greek dude. I’ll muddle through.
And with that, a picture of my Last Supper…
The only ill effects I have experienced from lamb’s blood coarsing through me and on me are the following:
I have an uncontrollable urge to eat ivy. When I shower, instead of soap, I use mint jelly, and the worse one?
Greek dudes are always tryin’ to sneak up from behind me and screw me in my hindquarters. So far, my ass has remained chaste.
Now lastly, on this most Holy Wednesday, a warning.
After today, I shall be fasting until Easter. I cannot be held responsible for what may appear on this blog during my, Caloric Purge for Christ.
If I begin to babble incoherently, do not call a doctor, a cleric, or especially a Greek dude. I’ll muddle through.
And with that, a picture of my Last Supper…
What is this meatless feast? Onion and Herb Stuffing baked with kidney beans, garlic, and Velveeta.
Oh yeah, Baby!! Is that Yum-Oh, or what?
More Hole-ly-ness to come tomorrow!!
Cheers!
36 comments:
Good thing you had spring lamb blood instead of sheep blood, cause then you'd have Scotsmen on your ass :P
Fasting for three days, eh? This should be interesting.
Starr: And what could be worse than that? Nothing. Hope the PT works out for the Kidlet. Cheers Starr!!
Yeah me too. They want to strengthen her quads. The girl has pistons for legs. I think the doc is just doing the PT for her mental health. He was on the fence about PT or just doing surgery now. But she read off her laundry list of "summer fun" and he took pity on her.
Starr: Ha. Well at her age, fun is a priority...as it should be. Cheers!!
so schmoop....
if they actually convict you of murder...I promise to send books, movies, and treats of yummy goodness.
but I doubt they will convict.
Velveeta is not a food...and the crucifix earing is pretty interesting. (i'm alergic to earings)
ok, your "feast" makes me want to puke. Does this fast of yours allow alcohol? I am thinking the rest of us might require large quantities of it over the next 3 days. You might need to call in help from Nicole and Joyce, unless you just plan to go with the newest trend and delete un-adoring comments. I am still trying to recover from your earlier posts this week but I realized somethin Matty- you really do know your bible stories if you take out your over the top spin on it all, that is pretty cool. May the Lord be with you during this fast of yours and reveal EVERY thing that he has is store for you...and extra prayers ascending your way for St Schmoop cuz she is a damn saint in my book- there are times like now, that I thank GAWD that I do not have a husband to contend to and his mad ways..
The day Matty needs to call in Joyce and Nicole is the day I take up torches and riot :P
yeah...that's the problem with the likes of Joyce and Nicole...they come unbidden.
still not able to figure out why those who vehemently disagree and dislike a weblog bother to waste their time visiting it....
Hey Starr....need a light?
Kat: Why would she whack me? She loves me. At least I think she does. Cheers Kat!!
Teamster: Velveeta is its own food group and we are NEVER without it. Nothing melts better and nothing makes a better grilled cheese. Cheers!!
Snugs: It may look like hell but it is oh so good. I never delete comments unless it's spam. I dig attempts at abusing me.
Thanks for the prayers but let me tell ya...Schmoop would be the first to say that more often than not, it's me putting up with her than vice versa. Hope ya recover soon. Cheers Snugs!!
You bring the lighters I'll bring the booze, Katherine ;)
Starr: But I love them both in a special way. Especially Joyce. I even Twittered her the other day. Cheers!!
Kat: That's not quite true, Kat. I make sure of late to work Joyse into my blog and put her on my label. I love egging her folks on. Cheers!!
Starr: Just don't burn my naughty bits. Cheers!!
cool
I'll pass the torch.
Starr can pass the bottle.
I am willing to bet you've added a whole slew of Joyce's staff to the legions of those who pray for meatless irish soul...
Kat: Will they actually pray for me even though I haven't sent them any money? Cheers!!
Since Velveeta isn't really a food you could probably consume it over the next three days and not break your fasting promise. Of course, you'll be pretty stopped up if you don't take something to offset the affects of it.
Seriously though, if Jeebus doesn't appreciate you after going meatless for Lent and THEN fasting for three days, I don't think he ever will.
Jay: I looooove Velveeta. It may have been more difficult giving it up for Lent than the meat.
Well I hope he does and here's to you and your Lenten junk food boycott. Cheers Jay!!
What does it say about me that when I read Foresaking in your title I read it as Foreskin ... and wasn't the least bit surprised?!
Dana: Because you assumed I would mention something sexual, but Ha, I did not. Oh wait, I guess I did. Cheers!!
I think I see the word Jesus in the velveeta. Call the Vatican.
Lu: Ha. I wish you had told me earlier. I've already cut into it. What an eBay coup that would have been. Cheers Lu!!
...I went ONE TIME to the place they call IKEA and swore to The Good Christ In Heaven Above that I would NEVER again enter their doors...
Phfrankie: See? God knew it was an effective deterrent. The Egyptians were just stupid. I have an updated favorite of yours as part of my Holy Thursday post tomorrow. Cheers P-Man!!
Oh Holy Baby Jeebus, please pray for me! Hey, and you guys too!
Schmoop: Your spiritual support is underwhelming. Especially considering how well I support you when you're riding me like a cowgirl. Zoves and Cheers, Bay-Bay!!
Ha!! Zoves!!
Schmoop: Can't wait until Holy Thursday tomorrow. We'll "celebrate". Cheers Schmoop!!
Isn't my hater cute, Matt?!?!? Gawd I feel like I just got crowned Prom Queen. Finally...someone HATES me!! Whooooo!!
Frickin Vinny Bond has haters and I had none. Really was chapping my ass.
What is your last supper consisting of tonight?
Starr: HAhahahaha. You have to know what just happened. My dashboard Jeebus just popped off of the TV as I read your comment. Ha!!
As for your hater, she's a doll...baby.
My Last supper consists of leftovers of what you see on today's post. And Vinny?
I've hated him long time. ; ) Cheers Sexy Sis!!
WTF did I do dude....you throw some regurgitated stuff into a pan with kidney beans and cover it with a yellow substance that has not one ounce of nutritional value to it and you call it a feast and then you say you hate me?????
Bond: Ha. I don't really hate you...I loves ya, Vin...but I do find you funny.
Folks, here's an Italian talking to me about cooking with nutrition in mind. Empty Carbs, anyone? Cheers Vinny!!
OOOOOOOO....I MOVED JEEBUS! I AM THE SHIZ!
Wow I am running on caffeine and insomnia and I think it is making me loppy!
Um, Vinny? As far as I can tell you got the veggies in Minestrone soup and other than that, Matt has ya by the short hairs on the carbs comment.
Not that it is a bad thing. I mean who looks more fun to hang with. Uber healthy asian folks with their seaweed and raw fish or Mario Batali? Unless you are into dubious poo habits, Mario's clogs win hands down.
Starr: I love Italian cooking. I love pasta generated carbs...Just don't be a Carbo-crite about it. Cheers!!
great, now I'm nauseous.
Vodka: Me too...Judas always makes me nauseous. Cheers VM!!
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