Billy Mays: I Dug The Awesome Auger, But I Needed An Awesome Buzz

It’s Monday Bitches, so let’s catch up on something in the news that was reported late Friday. Maybe you were busy drinking and whoring around over the weekend and missed it.

The Hillsborough County (FL.) Coroner’s office has concluded their autopsy of that Pitch Man of Pandemonium, Billy Mays, and has discovered…

There was cocaine, prescription painkillers, anti-anxiety drugs, and a few drinks in his system at the time of death.

They went on to say that cocaine use led to his ticker having Mighty, Mighty Heart Disease, which was listed as the cause of death.

But that’s not all, folks…

His wife, Deborah, is outraged by the findings of the Coroner’s office. She denies any drug use, and says that the autopsy report was, “speculative…and unnecessary.”

She says that her husband was a victim of chronic, untreated hypertension.

Um...I understand that she is grieving, but is she saying that while Billy Mays was receiving prescriptions for pain and anxiety, the doctor or doctors treating him left his high blood pressure unchecked?

C’mon now....

Hippocratic oath aside, if the docs could throw one more drug into him in the form of blood pressure medication and get a return on it, they would have gladly done that.

I don’t care how fun loving, hard working, and affable someone may seem…We all have our demons. It can be unfortunate…It can be detrimental, but it’s human, and it’s okay.

I do bring this news item up for another reason. I want some kudos from the general public. During the initial bemoaning of Mr. Mays’ death, I while a fan, took a more jaded approach to his eternal expiration.

In my post of June 29th, the day after his death, I wrote the following:

“Here’s to Billy Mays who passed away yesterday. As of this writing, the cause of death is unknown, but I’m thinking that he OD’d from snorting too much OxiClean and either his heart or his head went Kaboom!

No matter what happened, there isn’t enough Mighty Putty in the world to fix him.”

That’s right folks…The death of Billy Mays may not have directly involved OxiClean, but he was sure as hell snorting something…and I called it.

On second thought, maybe it was “OxiClean” that he was snorting because after all, can one spell OxiClean without using the letters that appear in the word, “cocaine”?

Maybe the FDA should consider looking into exactly what is in that powerful cleanser.

And maybe, you should say to me:

“Matt-Man, you are a fucking genius.”

Cheers!!

Monday Mishmash...

A little bit of Monday Mish-Mash for you all…

I have two days left to get the painting of the digs completed. We’re slightly behind schedule due to a couple of incidents.

Last weekend, I got deathly sick for 36 hours which wiped out one day of painting.

Yesterday, Schmoop was going to paint while I was at work, however…

While Schmoop (who has a knack for spontaneous personal injury) was moving the dresser away from the wall in the bedroom, guess what happened?

That’s right…The damn thing fell on her, pinning her between the floor and a drawer full of my underwear!!

It’s fortunate that she is off all this week because she is still in pain. You’d think however, that once she freed herself, she would have painted for awhile, but nooooooooooo.

Such a damn slacker…Oh well. We’ll get it finished before the carpet gets installed later this week.

I have told you about some of the off the wall requests I have heard at the Drive-Thru BEER mine in which I work.

People have asked for things like bread, batteries, buttermilk, coffee filters, etc. Well, I had the topper of all requests yesterday.

A hot babe who is a regular customer, came through, bought a pack of smokes, and then asked me the question that I had waited LONG and HARD to hear. Are ya ready, folks? She asked me…

“How do I cook a pot roast? I just got a great deal on one, but haven’t a clue how to make it.”

Damn right, Bitches. Instead of sexiness, I obviously ooze culinary acumen.

Of course, I did tell her how to cook it. Both the oven and my crockpot versions, because…well…I’m cool like that.

Stopped by Ryno’s after work. I ate dinner with him and the ex. She had made salmon. I’m not a big fan, but it wasn’t bad. Afterwards, Ryno and I shot some hoops.

I wanted to get a good perspective as to how tall the little shit is getting so I had his mom take some pictures of us…

Dear God, he’s only about an inch and a half to two inches shorter than me now. Unbelievable. He’s a keeper.

Ryno, his Uncle Vince, and I are going to do some fishing later this week. I’ll have some pictures of that mishap after our outing.

Lastly…

Here’s to Billy Mays who passed away yesterday. As of this writing, the cause of death is unknown, but I’m thinking that he OD’d from snorting too much OxiClean and either his heart or his head went Kaboom!

No matter what happened, there isn’t enough Mighty Putty in the world to fix him.

On the upside, he is now with the Lord basking in the Orange Glo of Heaven. Rest in Peace, Billy Mays.

Now, back to the painting and then headed to work the Beer Mine later. Let’s hope that we can complete the painting without Schmoop breaking any bones…or puncturing a lung...or dislocating her hoo ha.

Cheers!!