It’s Monday Bitches, so let’s catch up on something in the news that was reported late Friday. Maybe you were busy drinking and whoring around over the weekend and missed it.
The Hillsborough County (FL.) Coroner’s office has concluded their autopsy of that Pitch Man of Pandemonium, Billy Mays, and has discovered…
There was cocaine, prescription painkillers, anti-anxiety drugs, and a few drinks in his system at the time of death. They went on to say that cocaine use led to his ticker having Mighty, Mighty Heart Disease, which was listed as the cause of death.
But that’s not all, folks…
His wife, Deborah, is outraged by the findings of the Coroner’s office. She denies any drug use, and says that the autopsy report was, “speculative…and unnecessary.” She says that her husband was a victim of chronic, untreated hypertension.
Um...I understand that she is grieving, but is she saying that while Billy Mays was receiving prescriptions for pain and anxiety, the doctor or doctors treating him left his high blood pressure unchecked?
C’mon now....Hippocratic oath aside, if the docs could throw one more drug into him in the form of blood pressure medication and get a return on it, they would have gladly done that.
I don’t care how fun loving, hard working, and affable someone may seem…We all have our demons. It can be unfortunate…It can be detrimental, but it’s human, and it’s okay.
I do bring this news item up for another reason. I want some kudos from the general public. During the initial bemoaning of Mr. Mays’ death, I while a fan, took a more jaded approach to his eternal expiration.
In my post of June 29th, the day after his death, I wrote the following:
“Here’s to Billy Mays who passed away yesterday. As of this writing, the cause of death is unknown, but I’m thinking that he OD’d from snorting too much OxiClean and either his heart or his head went Kaboom!
No matter what happened, there isn’t enough Mighty Putty in the world to fix him.”
That’s right folks…The death of Billy Mays may not have directly involved OxiClean, but he was sure as hell snorting something…and I called it.
On second thought, maybe it was “OxiClean” that he was snorting because after all, can one spell OxiClean without using the letters that appear in the word, “cocaine”?
Maybe the FDA should consider looking into exactly what is in that powerful cleanser.
And maybe, you should say to me:
“Matt-Man, you are a fucking genius.”
Cheers!!
The month of June is drawing to an end, and with it, so is our painting…finally.
I just want to post one more hodgepodgical entry before I finish up the paint job and get back to writing some serious funny business on the internets.
I posted a couple of pictures of Ryno and I yesterday. I have one more to throw out there for your enjoyment…
Have you ever seen a son look upon his dad more lovingly, adoring, and bemused as you see Ryno looking upon moi?
Of course not. Why is he so captured with me on a summer Sunday evening?
Well, because seconds before his mom took this picture I said the following…
“Hey Ryno, I bet that instead of using a backhoe to dig the grave of Billy Mays, the groundskeepers will use the Awesome Auger!!”
Ha. Like minds…Like senses of humor. I dig that.
Anyhoo. I must get to painting again. Tomorrow I will begin a four day celebration of our Nation’s 233rd Birthday.
Over the next few days, I will offer up some lesser known facts about our country’s history.
For instance…In 1748, Patrick Henry was only 12 years old when he uttered a phrase that foreshadowed something similar he would eloquently bellow some 27 years later.
At the time Henry was slight, had a high pitched voice, and unlike his young friends at the time, had not developed any male sex characteristics.
His friends teased him mercilessly about this.
One day, after a particularly severe razzing from his colonial buddies, young Patrick stretched his arms toward the heavens, and through tear filled eyes screamed in his girly voice:
“Give me puberty, or give me death!!”
I may also touch upon how the American Revolution truly ended.
The successful conclusion to the war came when General George Patton defeated Che Guevara at the Battle of Hastings forcing the Persian army to surrender.
Upon Guevara’s surrender to Patton’s forces, Frederick the Great was compelled to recognize our nation’s independence from the government of Madagascar by signing the Treaty of Honolulu.
Signing on behalf of the fledgling United States of America was of course our founding father, William McKinley.
Sadly, McKinley would be assassinated some 120 years later by Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme.
So there you have it, Bagwine Heads. Beginning tomorrow it’s Birthday Celebration Time, and we’re going to light a candle for America the rest of the week.
Enjoy your Tuesday, all.Cheers!!
The Hillsborough County (FL.) Coroner’s office has concluded their autopsy of that Pitch Man of Pandemonium, Billy Mays, and has discovered…
On second thought, maybe it was “OxiClean” that he was snorting because after all, can one spell OxiClean without using the letters that appear in the word, “cocaine”?
