It’s Friiiday and you know what that means…
That’s right, it’s time for another installment of, Matt-Man’s Private Conversations™
First up, a Twitter conversation I had with my buddy Average Chick on Thursday morning…
Me: That's what Schmoop says...She tells me I'm the first man she's been with who knows how to use it. She's so kind.
AC: They are hard to find. Very hard to find....
Me: Even harder to find is a 44 yr old chick who can put her legs behind her head. Rowwwrrrrr. Ima gunna put Schmoop and her talent on eBay
AC: I have never been able to do that. Oh how I'd like to!
Me: She can do it well. She's like a contortionist. When she does that, she looks like a rolled up piece of Swiss cheese. Holes everywhere!! Ha!!
AC: Rolled up Swiss cheese? More like a dream girl!
Me: Dream Girl? You don't know how much I like Swiss Cheese. I love it!!
Thursday night at the Beer Mine talking to a hot, Tyra Banks lookin’ babe who just pulled in…
TB: Hi, can I have two 24 ounce Bud Lights?
Me: Sure, do you have an ID?
TB: Ha, you kiddin’ me? (fumbling to get it out of her purse)You’re carding me ‘cause I’m black aren’t ya?
Me: Hee…No, I’m carding you ‘cause you’re hot and I want to find out your name.
TB: (handing me her license) You could have just asked me what my name is, honey.
Me: (looking at license) I’ll remember that…um…Lisa.
TB: Did you get my address too?
Me: Ha…Of course. I’m very thorough.
TB: I bet you are, and you’re pretty damn cute for a white boy.
Me: Thanks and here’s your change, dear.
TB: Maybe next time I’ll give you my number.
Me: Make sure you write it down; my memory sucks.
TB: Ha. I will…bye honey.
Me: Hee Hee…see ya. Rrrrrrowwwwrrrr.
Wednesday morning…an e-mail conversation with Schmoop...
Me: How’s work?
Me: Sloppy Joes and Mac n Cheese tonight!!
Schmoop: Mmmmmm, I love it.
Me: Sex tonight?
Schmoop: That sounds dandy!!
Me: I’ll get an injection of penicillin and B-12, and powder my bottom.
Schmoop: Hee Hee.
And there you have it folks. Remember…
Jay and I will be broadcasting our first “official” installment of, I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio this Sunday at 11 AM EDT.
Our topic will be Pet Peeves, so I hope you listen if you have the time. Here’s the link: I’m With Stupid.
Have a Friday and a weekend, chuckleheads.