That’s right, it’s time for another installment of, Matt-Man’s Private Conversations™
First up, a Twitter conversation I had with my buddy Average Chick on Thursday morning…Me: That's what Schmoop says...She tells me I'm the first man she's been with who knows how to use it. She's so kind.
AC: They are hard to find. Very hard to find....
Me: Even harder to find is a 44 yr old chick who can put her legs behind her head. Rowwwrrrrr. Ima gunna put Schmoop and her talent on eBay
AC: I have never been able to do that. Oh how I'd like to!
Me: She can do it well. She's like a contortionist. When she does that, she looks like a rolled up piece of Swiss cheese. Holes everywhere!! Ha!!
AC: Rolled up Swiss cheese? More like a dream girl!
Me: Dream Girl? You don't know how much I like Swiss Cheese. I love it!!
Thursday night at the Beer Mine talking to a hot, Tyra Banks lookin’ babe who just pulled in…
TB: Hi, can I have two 24 ounce Bud Lights?
Me: Sure, do you have an ID?
TB: Ha, you kiddin’ me? (fumbling to get it out of her purse)You’re carding me ‘cause I’m black aren’t ya?
Me: Hee…No, I’m carding you ‘cause you’re hot and I want to find out your name.TB: (handing me her license) You could have just asked me what my name is, honey.
Me: (looking at license) I’ll remember that…um…Lisa.
TB: Did you get my address too?
Me: Ha…Of course. I’m very thorough.
TB: I bet you are, and you’re pretty damn cute for a white boy.
Me: Thanks and here’s your change, dear.
TB: Maybe next time I’ll give you my number.
Me: Make sure you write it down; my memory sucks.
TB: Ha. I will…bye honey.
Me: Hee Hee…see ya. Rrrrrrowwwwrrrr.
Wednesday morning…an e-mail conversation with Schmoop...
Me: How’s work?
Schmoop: Boring.
Me: Sloppy Joes and Mac n Cheese tonight!!
Schmoop: Mmmmmm, I love it.
Me: Sex tonight?
Schmoop: That sounds dandy!!
Me: I’ll get an injection of penicillin and B-12, and powder my bottom.
Schmoop: Hee Hee.
And there you have it folks. Remember…
Jay and I will be broadcasting our first “official” installment of, I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio this Sunday at 11 AM EDT.
Our topic will be Pet Peeves, so I hope you listen if you have the time. Here’s the link: I’m With Stupid.
Have a Friday and a weekend, chuckleheads.
Cheers!!
19 comments:
Nice exchange with the faux Tyra Banks...now you know my curiosity - Why are you powdering your bottom before having conjugal relations with Schmoop? I need to know - maybe I have been failing to be properly groomed for my 'relations".
I could understand if you were lubing up for her strap-on but powder....?
David: I don't know, but I'm guessing that your "grooming" habits are the least of your problems when it comes to getting laid. Just sayin'. Cheers David!!
"Sloppy Joes and Mac n Cheese"
Both? Usually it's one or the other around here. I think you're spoiling her.
Mike: Hardly...I need to feed her well or she gets cranky. I'm not spoiling her, I'm protecting myself. Cheers Mike!!
I thought she was going to say that you are pretty fly, for a white guy.
I thought she was going to say that you are pretty fly, for a white guy.
Scott: Ha. It's like I'm the white Shaft. Cheers Scott!!
... For me now, Le fromage de Suisse will never be the same...
A flexible partner in sex is always fun!
P-Man: What? Together, Schmoop and I make a mean version of Matt-Man Cordon Bleu. Cheers P-Man!!
Charlene: Damn right, and she's double-jointed which comes in handy. Cheers Charlene!!
Great Convos this week except for the Swiss Cheese picture that will be in my head all day. I too did love swiss cheese but now I'll never look at it the same. Thanks!
Raquel: Hee...Sorry, but that's what popped into my mind, and really, I do love it so, so it was a compliment. Sorry for the visual, but not really. Cheers Roc!!
You are on sick mofo!!! I like it!
Schmoop: I'm a disease that you just can't shake. Unfortunately, neither can I. I'm stuck with myself. Oh the horror!! Cheers and Zoooooves Schmoop!!
I'm with David, what's the powder for? I hope I'm not missing out on something.
Luckily I am not a Swiss cheese fan.
Chick: It 's just gives things a smoother, softer feel. Cheers Chick!!
Who could possibly say no to sex when there is Sloppy Joes and Mac n Cheese involved?? Wait! You mean the Sloppy Joes and Mac n Cheese were for dinner??
You never cease to amaze me :) I'm still waiting for that swiss cheese btw.....
ROTFLMAO! Too bad the Tyra Banks chick didn't work out, but look at it as a blessing in disguise. She probably had crabs....
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