Wednesday, March 09, 2011

No Smokin'...No Cussin'...Know Jesus

This is it folks…It’s Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent-a-Palooza 2011.

Christ is once again living out his last forty days on Earth and I am living a life of sacrifice in his honor.

This year as many of you know, I am giving up cigarettes for Lent. My partner in internet radio crime Jayman, is giving up cussing.

What a bunch of shit.

Come Easter, as always, Christ will resurrect himself and end up on streets paved with gold, and what do I and Jayman get out of it?

Damn right…heartache.

But, because we are superhuman we shall persevere just to prove that we are superior to ourselves. What? Anyhoo…

Already I can feel the mucus heaving itself from my lungs in a sea of green that would rival the discharge from Paris Hilton’s vagina.

My lungs rale bilaterally in an incoherent cacophony similar to a Sarah Palin speech, and…

My thoughts are manifesting themselves like the discordant verbal ponderances of a Charlie Sheen ustream episode.

Things…are…not…well, but…

It’s all for The Lord, and at some point I shall lie down in green pastures…and then smoke the shit out of it….Sorry…I’m fine.

Anyhoo…This week on I’m With Stupid, Jayman and I are honoring the Lord and Lent by discussing my non-smoking and Jay’s non-cussing.

It should be, a God Damn Hoot!!

It could actually be a semi-silent show this week as Jayman will be afraid to say anything lest he cuss, and I will be tapping my nicotine starved hand on my computer table.

So, we would really welcome your fucking calls this week in order to break up the muted smoke-free monotony.

If you’d like to join in, you can access our show page by clicking HERE. And as always…

The number is 661.244.9852

If you’ll excuse me, I see an old woman walking by my window and I am going to go beat the hell out of her for no reason.

Happy Ash Fucking Wednesday, and as always…

Cheers!!

23 comments:

Jay said...

I'm going to be so worried about cussing that I might have to smoke to settle myself down.

Matt-Man said...

Jay: See? I know you well enough now, that I KNEW you were going to say something hurtful like that. Cheers Funny Man!!

David said...

>>>>Christ is once again living out his last forty days on Earth

I'm not sure he really made good use of his last 40 days in any way that I might have chosen....

BUT wait BUT wait....isn't there a tremendous irony that it is Ash Wednesday and you are not producing any of the proverbial ashes?

Mike said...

Hey, it's 12:15. I bet you feel healthier already!

Matt-Man said...

David: Yu are wrong because you have no idea as how Christ spent his last days...

I will explain it all over the coming weeks..He was a party animal.

And yeah, I was gonna do an ash pic from last smoke but didn't... Cheers David!!

Matt-Man said...

Mike: I feel like Euell Gibbons, Baby!! Cheers Mike!!

ISRAEL CARRASCO said...

What about chewing tobacco?

Beth said...

I'm going to smoke more, drink more, cuss more, and, and, um...lots of other stuff more!!!

Matt-Man said...

Israel: No way. I tried that a couple times over 20 years ago. That crap makes me puke. Cheers IC!!

Schmoop: Ha. I would expect no less from you my looove. Cheers and Zoooves!!

Baseball Mom said...

Good for you Matt. Hang in there. :)

Matt-Man said...

Baseball Mom: I shall do my best and thank ya. Cheers B-Ball!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

After you knock the old lady down, you could throw her on the hood of a van and drive for thiry miles on the freeway going 100 miles an hour, like they do out here in California.

Matt-Man said...

P-Man: Not a bad idea, but unfortunately it would probably start a fad in these parts. Cheers P-Man!!

Knight said...

Ah yes, the sea of green simile was a huge turn on. Thanks for that. So just like Jesus came back from the dead so shall the cells in your lungs. Rejuvinate and Resurrect Matty.

Matt-Man said...

Knight: I shall try to do my best. I hope you had a wunnerful trip. Cheers Knight!!

Desert Rat said...

So, were you smoking right up to 11:59:59 last night? Ha! I'm sending all my good thoughts and ju-ju your way. I know this is gonna be difficult (!) But You Can DO IT! (Just Do it!)

Matt-Man said...

Rat: You know damn well I was. Hell I was dreaming about it when I went to bed Rat. Thanks for the ju-ju. Hee. Cheers Lovely One!!

sybil law said...

I'm sure the old bitch deserves it, anyway.
Hopefully BTR will let me listen in this time!

Matt-Man said...

Sybil: I hope you can too. Should be an edgy show as I chew my nails and Jay bites his tongue. Cheers Sybil!!

Joker_SATX said...

I gave you a shameless plug on my blog. I take it that you and Jay are gonna reverse personalities. You are cussing like a fuckin sailor and I take it that Jay is going to smoke to fog up most of Arkansas right?

I'm with Stupid should be hilarious this week. I will do my best to try and make it live instead of downloading it after the fact.

I also enjoyed your Facebook post of the conversation you had with Jeebus. I bet he was smoking too!

Matt-Man said...

Joker: Ha. Why thanks Joker and you are correct Jay and I have melded into the Bizarro World. I'll have to pop in and read. Cheers and thanks again Joker!!

Dianne said...

I put my cigarette out to read this

Matt-Man said...

Dianne: See? That's why I like you so much...You care. Cheers Sexy!!