Dick Armey Drunk on FOX News

I just watched an interview of former House Leader and Tea Party front man Dick Armey on FOX and Friends.

He was stammering and slurring as he attempted to answer questions given by Gretchen "Vacuous" Carlson and Brian "Deer in the Headlights" Kilmeade.

Am I the only one who noticed his apparent intoxication? Please tell me I am not. I think the dude was drunk. And I'm not being figurative...

He seemed blottoed to me.

Cheers!!

Tea Party March On Washington, D.C.: FOX News And Glenn Beck Aren't Fair and Balanced; They're Steeping The Tea!!

I mentioned yesterday that I was just flat out pissed off and disgusted with what I saw on the FOX News coverage of the Tea Party march on Washington, D.C.

As one who appreciates loud, proud, and sassy civil disobedience, don’t think for a moment that I feel that these tea baggers shouldn’t have descended on our Nation’s Capitol.

However…I was disturbed by a couple of things that I saw.

First of all FOX News…

I heard inflated attendance numbers given by the moronic numb nut Griff Jenkins. I watched and listened to Glenn Beck heaping praise upon the protestors as his eyes “welled-up” with pride.

Former Congressman and House Majority Leader Dick Armey, whose group FreedomWorks Foundation has sponsored and financed many of these events, talked about the “spontaneous and grassroots” movement that is taking place.

Many in the crowd, when placed in front of a FOX News microphone by the aforementioned Griff Jenkins, returned the praise given by Glenn Beck by thanking him and FOX News for helping to get their message out.

Fair and Balanced, alright. FOX News is as fair as Rachel Maddow is an open-minded chick who likes guys and as balanced as Keith Olbermann is not a guy who is full of himself. Puhleeeeze, how the hell do you guys say that with a straight face?

Anyhoo…The Teabaggers…I heard the same old tired crap. “Obama is a Socialist!!” Now, let me do my best Joe Pesci and ask:

A Socialist, how? A Marxist? A Trotskyite? A Stalinist? An Uber-Hot, Blonde, Swedish Chick Who Lives in Stockholm? Exactly what do you mean by Socialist? Oh that’s right…You haven’t a God Damn clue!!

Then I saw posters and signs throwing the tired, old Nazi label on Obama.

Hmmmm…The only time I have ever seen a black Nazi was when I saw the late Ivan Dixon portray one a couple of times on Hogan’s Heroes during one of their wacky, wartime capers.

Glenn Beck recently released a book titled, “Glenn Beck’s Common Sense”. The title sums up the book correctly, well…halfway anyway.

It’s Beck’s book alright, I mean, other than the title that he creatively borrowed from Thomas Paine, but it’s far from common sense.

And the tea baggers who marched on D.C. Saturday that Beck helped to inspire, displayed the same lack of common sense that spews from Beck’s mouth on a daily basis.

I heard shouts of, “We’re losing our liberties!!” “It’s Communism!!” Hell, I was fully expecting someone to echo Beck’s words that we are now living under an “Oligarhy”. Ha.

The folks that FOX News showed and had talk on camera just threw out quick lines that injected some sense of losing freedom, Communism, Nazism, or otherwise dictatorial intent on the part of the Obama administration.

Get over it. Protest all you want. Protest loudly. Have fun with it. But please, I beg of you…

Could you refrain from merely throwing out invectives and vagaries? Seriously…put some thought into what you are protesting and put an argument behind it.

Do this not, and I will call upon Ivan Dixon to return from the dead, and in all of his Nazi glory, gun you down with his Schmeisser.

Tomorrow…I will announce the name and direction of the independent third political party that I am establishing.

Until then…I am working a rare day time shift today, so play nice while I am gone. If you can, try to keep folks in line, Phfrankie.

Cheers!!

Taxes, Tea Parties, and FOX News

Well it’s Tax Day, Ladies and Gentlemen.

Sharpen those pencils, get out the calculators, and mail those tax returns in. Or…

Go to the nearest Teabag Party!!

That’s right…

A bi-partisan group of individuals, (read, right-wing "visionaries" such as Dick Armey, Grover Norquist, and Newt Gingrich) is throwing “grassroots”, anti-tax, anti-socialism, anti-Obama demonstrations, known as tea parties, across the country today.

And guess who will be giving protesting inbreds across America wall-to-wall coverage? That’s right…FOX News!!

Of course, FOX News claims they are not promoting these Teabag orgies. They are just simply covering four of these events because it’s hard news.

FOX’s Cavuto, Beck, Hannity, and Van Sustern will be tea bagging live for your viewing enjoyment!!

I’ll be at work, but I hope to catch the replay of Glenn Beck’s appearance at the teabag party in San Antonio. Hell, Ted Nugent is going to play the National Anthem at that one.

Beck and Nugent will tea bagging each other, baby. Who will be the tea bagger and the tea baggee, I’m unsure.

I mean Teddy has that long flowing, girly hair, and yet Beck, like a woman, cries on cue and wants everyone to look into his eyes. I think those two tea bagging is more akin to train wreck-like chick on chick action.

The whole tea party idea is based on the 1773 event in which Americans protested British taxation by pouring tea into Boston Harbor.

“No taxation without representation!!”, they clamored. Who among these protesters don’t have representation? And…

What increase in taxes are they clamoring about? I think we are still under the tax rates of the Bush administration, aren’t we?

I know Obama wants to raise the tax rates on the very top income earners, but even then, his top rate will still be 10% less than it was during the Reagan Administration.

So…um…what? Okay, maybe their message is about keeping America from becoming a Socialist state. I can see that…

I mean before we know it, we’ll have unemployment insurance, Medicare, Social Security, Rural Electrification, free/reduced school lunches, and one day we may wake up and the entire Tennessee Valley will be under some type of Authority!!

Oh the Humanity!!

Yeah, I think they may have missed the Federally subsidized bus on the socialism thing. Of course that does leave these folks and FOX News with one other angle…

Bash Obama!!

These tea bagging parties could very well end up turning into anti-Obama rallies, the likes that have never been seen.

Obama’s reputation may be forever sullied on a nationwide scale as men teabag with men…women teabag with women, and children teabag with their parents.

But wait just a minute…

Perhaps that is exactly what President Obama wants. After all…

A guy who is an Uber-Liberal, America-Hating, Kenyan Born, Muslim and who was elected President of the United States would want all of that free perverted tea bagging going on.

It keeps the masses distracted and spent, and leaves Obama free to ruin the country.

Damn…Obama is one smart, bad ass, frickin’ genius.

Cheers!!

Update (12:45): In the Heart of the Boston Tea Party...Fox News reports that the, and I quote, "The Fascist budget" has drawn hundreds to the Tea Bagging Party in Boston...