Sean Hannity Must Die!!

Yeah, you read that post title correctly. Sean Hannity MUST die.

That’s right…The FOX News talking head, talk radio babbler, and diaper-wearin’ crybaby, Sean Hannity, must die.

I listen to him on the radio and watch his Fox News TV show, and have come to the conclusion that he needs dirt sleep…bodily expiration…a copious amount of blunt force trauma upside his massive, square skull.

Allow me to ‘splain.

First of all, he has been, like many others of his ilk, railing against the proposed building of a community center/mosque near Ground Zero.

His arguments transcend the emotional argument that some use based on the mosque allegedly being a slap in the face to those who died in the 9/11 attacks on the WTC. No, no, my friends…

Blockhead Hannity in his delusional, bizarro world, extrapolates that the proposed mosque is a launching pad for Muslims to somehow usurp our Constitution and replace it with the evil Muslim code of Sharia Law.

I bet blockhead Sean utters the phrase, “Sharia Law” every two minutes.

I think he actually doesn’t want the controversy to go away because he loves to say, “Sharia Law!!” Sharia Law this…Sharia Law that.

It’s annoying as hell, but let me tell you, if a hot Muslim chick wants to become a porn star, Sharia Law would be a sexy name. On top of that, it would make Sean’s head assplode.

But seriously, one reason he should die, is because of the Sharia Law echo. Okay, maybe not die.

Maybe punishment for him saying, “Sharia Law” every two minutes, is to experience it, and have his tongue cut out. Trying saying Sharia Law now, Hanny-Boy!! Ha!!

Another reason Hannity should die? His frickin’ Freedom Concerts that he puts on to raise money for scholarships for children who have lost a parent serving in the military.

What the hell is wrong that Matt-Man, you ask? Let me tell you.

This year the musical acts have been Charlie Daniels and Lynyrd Skynyrd. Holy Cow!!

Charlie has been going down to Georgia with the Devil for decades, and the faux Skynyrd band is fronted by no-talent Johnny Van Zant who has been riding dead brother Ronnie’s duster coattails since 1977!!

If Charlie and this Skynyrd knock off band had been around during the Holocaust..?

Hitler wouldn’t have gassed the Jews, he would have forced them to listen to these two bands until they offed themselves.

For that, Blockhead Sean, must die. Okay not die, but something like likewise suffering at the hands of Nazis.

Perhaps we could somehow resurrect Hermann Göring and force Hannity to have hot, man on man cross-dressing sex with Queen Hermann.

And then…On the FOX Hannity show there are his guests. Oh dear God!! Michelle Malkin? Full of Hate. Ann Coulter? Full of hate and testosterone. Juan Williams? Vacuous. Ha.

Juan doesn’t know the difference between an Indian worshipping a bovine in Calcutta and one in South Dakota smoking peyote. What a dim bulb.

For this, Sean Hannity must die…Okay not die…but he should have to have sex with those hateful chicks while Juan looks on trying to figure what the hell is going.

I know…I know…this was incredibly mean-spirited of me, and I, unlike Hannity, do not think I am God, therefore I cannot make another person die.

However, Sean could kill me. Well, kill me in an indirect way.

You see, I often hear a promo for Hannity’s radio show that goes something like, “Listen to Sean weekdays from 3-6 and get Hannitized!!”

It should read more like this: “Listen to Sean weekdays from 3-6, and long to be euthanized.”

Oy, what a clown…Oh, there’s another thing about Hannity that I don’t like…

He smells like a bushel of rotten potato peels and onions that have been pickling for six months in a jar of Frankenstein’s urine.

Where did that come from and how do I know, you ask?

I have no idea, but it’s true, because I believe it.

Cheers!!

October 15th: A Non-Day...Or is It?

October 15th…It really doesn’t conjure up anything exciting, does it?

It’s not like other days in October such as Halloween on the 31st…Thanksgiving Day in Canada this past October 13th …and my son’s birthday which falls next week on the 24th.

It’s as though we should just skip October 15th.

October 15th is to me, a non-day…Or is it?

I had my crack staff research this day in history, and to see if there are any special observances taking place today.

Well, slap me on the ass and call me Sally. October 15th is butt cheek deep in Gregorian calendar grandeur.

On this day in 1917, the sexy, leggy, World War I German spy, Mata Hari was executed by a French firing squad. I think the big news here is that the French soldiers actually hit her.

October 15, 1935 Ethiopian Emperor Haile Selassie called for a Holy War against Mussolini’s Italian army that had seized the city of Aksum. In spite of their drunkenness and themselves, the Italians remained in control of the country.

October 15th wasn’t a good day for rotund, cross-dressing Nazi, Hermann Goering. On this day in 1946, he committed “suicide” rather than being hung the next day.

Actually, Goering was eating his last meal which consisted of a side of beef, wiener schnitzel, and three dozen potato pancakes.

The pantyhose, girdle, and bra that he was wearing became so tight that his breathing and circulation shut down.

I guess that due to the nature of Goering’s demise, October 15th should also be known as Auto-Erotic Self Asphyxiation Day.

There are a few birthdays today as well. Sarah Ferguson, former Duchess of York. Penny Marshall, former brewery worker.

And of course, Richard Carpenter, who unlike his late sister Karen, remains un-corpse like looking prior to his death.

There are a couple of observances going down today. October 15th is White Cane Safety Day…If you’re blind and are reading this, make sure that your cane is sturdy and true.

Funny thing is…October 8th was World Sight Day. Hey blind folks!! WTF? You want October all to your sightless selves or what? Some of us would like to see the pretty fall foliage, dammit…so back off.

I found this next observance quite fascinating…

Today, my friends, is National Grouch Day. So have at it bitches, and piss a few people off. It’s your day.

Finally, tonight marks the third and final debate between Barack “Had Sex with Bill Ayres” Obama and John “I Got Nothin’, but I was a POW, You Ungrateful Motherfuckers” McCain.

For many Americans, knowing that this is the final debate may be the highlight of the day because it means the campaigning is coming to an end.

No matter your politics, I hope you all watch and listen.

One programming note…Tomorrow is my only day off for awhile, so I am going to make it special. Tomorrow’s post will be, Ask the Matt-Man.

I will field any and all questions that you may have for me in the comments section, in near real time.

So think of a question for me, but don’t ask me until tomorrow’s post. It can be personal, sexual, political, or religional. Anything at all.

Enjoy your October 15th, make it as special as it appears to be.

Cheers!!