Matt-Man: A Raucous Day in the Life...

Boy Howdy!! Did I ever have an exciting day off yesterday. Of course, my days off are always exciting, because, well, I’m Matt-Man, Bitch!!

Anyhoo…In keeping with my uber-present humanitarianism I am going to list a few of the highlights of my day off so that you clowns can, for a brief moment, live vicariously through me.

When I got up yesterday, I looked like this…


By 10:30 A.M. I looked like this…

Damn right, I shaved my head as I do every so often. Tres chic, no? I was so asscited about it, I emailed Schmoop. This led to a series of communiqués that went something like this…

Me: Will you rub my head in oil tonight. It’s shaved!!
Schmoop: Ha. Why certainly!!

Me: And when you do, don’t speak English. Thank you in advance for your cooperation.
Schmoop: Hee Hee.

Me: If only you were off today. Rainy…low rumbles of thunder. It’s perfect “Sex-All-Day” weather. I’d even reward you by going to Rally’s and getting us some burgers. Of course you’d have to buy.
Schmoop: Yeah, that sounds great. What’s for dinner?

Me: We got nuthin’. Unless you want a side of Matty…or a frontal of Matty.
Schmoop: We’ll see. How about that frozen pizza?

Me: Yeah, that’s cool.
Schmoop: Zoves!!

I dig how Schmoop manages to hide her lust for me by directing the talk back to food. She’s so coy.

I also discussed my bald head on Twitter with among others, Evil Twin’s Wife. I continued to Twitter and chatted with Dana about the Arizona Immigrant ID law.

Growing bored with Twitter and in need of some day off productivity I checked my Facebook page where I saw that Irene and Leelee agreed with me on the question of Justin Bieber’s gayness. I love validation.

The phone rang. It was my buddy Richard, aka Crazy Cat Man from Columbus.

We talked politics as we always do and ended the conversation with a discussion about one of his cats that he had to have put down. Nice.

I then got into a discussion about abortion on the site of new blogger and Twit friend, Jetsa. I have one thing to say.

If you’re a woman who has an unintended pregnancy and Jetsa happens to be Earth Czar… Don’t expect to have an abortion. Jetsa is a Zygote Nazi!! Oy Vay!! But…she’s still hot.

In fact all of the chicks I linked today are hot. They Blog and they’re Hot. They’re Blotters.

Of course, during my day off activities I was swilling beer. And that is why at seven or so I passed out fell asleep on Kelly, and Schmoop who was there by then, turned everything off, and de-shoed me.

And there you have it…An exciting day in the life of Matt-Man. I’ll remember it fondly, for today I can’t get all wacky like I did yesterday.

I have to pick up Ryno from school at three and go to work at five. But…

I get to woop it up all over tomorrow, ‘cause on Friday, I’m home alone again.

Cheers!!