When Obama Addresses Congress On Health Care Tonight, He Should Just Say...

Tonight, President Obama will jump from the frying pan of indoctrinating our school children into the fire of addressing the self-serving members of our United States Congress on the issue of Health Care Reform.

Sheesh…Being President of the United States is a busy job. How the hell Bill Clinton worked hosing a moist mouthed Jewish chick into his schedule leaves me baffled…and in awe. Anyhoo…

Tonight, Obama will announce his plan for Health Care Reform. At long last legislation, we will finally know what Obamacare means.

I already know what it means…it means he’s too late.

Any substantive Health Care Reform taking place is a dead horse, and there’s no health care in the world that can resuscitate it. Cut it up. Cook it up. And ship it off to Taco Bell for use in their burritos.

Obama let the 3,000 different plans proposed by his fellow Democrats, and the paranoia inducing rhetoric by the Republicans leave us once again with no significant reform in regards to health care.

Late Tuesday, Sen. Max “They Were Filming Me With You Tubes” Baucus (D-MT) claims that his “Gang of Six” are close to ironing out a deal on Health Care Reform that may pass both houses of Congress.

The deal thus far, does not include a Public Option. It isn’t Universal Health Care. It calls for fines for up to $3,800 on people who do not buy health insurance.

Man, that is some serious reform. Let’s see…If I don’t by insurance, I’ll be fined. There is no cost-contained government plan available. So, from whom do I purchase health coverage in order to avoid any fines? D’oh!! The fucking, pre-existing insurance companies!!

The butcher, baker, and candlestick maker in Ohio can’t get coverage on pre-existing conditions, but by God, the health insurance companies not only get covered, with this proposal, they get additional coverage in the form of millions of new premiums.

Fan-Damn-Tastic!! Brilliant!! Praise the Lord, and Pass the Aetna Profits!! Here’s a free gall bladder removal for ya, Senator Baucus.

You know…I hear that Obama is going to push for Public Option during his joint address to Congress. It ain’t gonna happen Mr. President.

If I was President Obama, tonight I would give a simple five word address to Congress. It would be as follows:

“Fuck it…just fuck it.”

If Obama said that, he would earn respect from millions of Americans. His poll numbers currently swimming around 52%, would shoot into the 60’s. Many members of Congress would consider him a hero.

Because of his plain language and straight talk? No.

Because with that five word statement he would be demonstrating his desire to do nothing.

He would be letting Americans know that we will as a nation continue the traditions of out of control health care costs, millions of uninsured Americans, and putting profits before patients.

Americans like tradition. Tradition gives one the warmth of familiarity, and the status quo is like a comfortable pair shoes.

When Obama announced his dream of reforming the economy draining American health care system, he wasn’t merely dreaming. To many Americans, he was forcing them to try on a new pair shoes.

Americans don’t like that. They like walking around in the same pair that they are used to.

So President Obama, you too have finally learned the lesson as so many Presidents before you have…

The bigger your dreams…The larger your plans…The more grand your vision for this country, the worse your poll numbers get.

You see...

Many Americans and their elected representatives have a hard time dreaming big…especially when they are walking around in their comfortable shoes.

Cheers!!

Government Run Health Care: Public Option or Co-Op? Neither...

When it comes to formulating a Government Run Health Care Plan and reforming the health care system itself, it seems as though no one can agree.

It’s a policy battle that is pitting Democrat against Republican. Liberal against Conservative. Idiot against Moron.

Foaming at the mouth, geriatric protestors are shouting down any idea that they feel will take something away from them.

Some are loudly bemoaning the idea of others getting something for nothing, and somehow in this health care discussion the names and words, “Hitler, Stalin, Fascist, Nazi”, have managed to work their way into the mix.

I realize that during WWII, monocle wearing German doctors clad in brown medical coats and jack boots would lobotomize Jews and replace the cranial vacuum with monkey brains, but I doubt that this is what anyone has in mind when it comes to health care.

Of course, try telling that to the maniacal, protesting, “No Death Panel” crowd…I doubt that you‘ll change their minds.

Anyhoo…

I have sat on the sidelines far too long and watched. I feel compelled to chime in and offer a solution to this crisis.

My plan tackles the issue of the cost drain of obesity and the elderly. Instead of a dark, shadowy government control image, it offers a super-happy B.F. Skinner type of positive reinforcement feel.

The best part of my plan? It will cost the citizens of this country, nothing….nada…squat. Can ya dig it?

How can we pull this off, you ask? Two words my friends…

Trading Stamps!!

Damn right. Based upon what types of things you buy at the store and how you live your life, you will receive an assigned number of trading stamps that are redeemable for certain types of health care.

Go to the grocery and walk out with a cart full of fruits, vegetables, and soy milk, and you will also be walking out with a boat load of health care trading stamps.

Go to the grocery and walk out with a cart full of frozen pizza, booze, and bacon wrapped sausage balls, and you will get nothing...

Although it will be apparent to all, that you are having a helluva lot more fun than the trading stamp collectors.

Forget about the terms, Public Option, Co-Op, Death Panel, and Socialism…It all boils down to trading stamps.

With my plan, the quality of your health care will rest solely on how YOU want to live your life.

And frankly, what could be more American than that? Uh-huh, nothing.

Another plus to my health care trading stamp plan…It’s fun. Trade em, collect em, use them for a poker party.

Wouldn’t it be funny to see someone’s aging grandfather trying to draw to an inside straight to get the chemotherapy he so desperately needs, and then he doesn’t draw the right cards?

Oh Hooooo, the hilarity!! I dig it.

One word of advice folks…Never get involved in a health care trading stamp card game with Marcia, Jan, and Cindy Brady because you know how that House of Cards will fall.

There you have it…Once again, it is Matt-Man to the rescue. Whew…being the voice of common sense can sometimes be such a burden, but I do enjoy it so.

Cheers!!