When I look back some three decades there are some things I miss from my childhood.
I miss first and foremost, my mom and dad of course, but there are a few other things that I miss as well.
I miss riding my bike in the summer sun as the pollen laden wind smacked me in the face and made me sneeze.
I miss the smell of fried baloney sandwiches on a warm summer day.
I miss a big pot of chili simmering on the stove on Christmas Eve as mom would stir it while wearing an ugly, ill-fitting, floral patterned apron.
Yeah…I miss those things from my childhood, but you know what I miss from my adulthood?
Aside from missing the night that Schmoop said to me:
“You are the first man to have ever given me an orgasm.”
I miss Bill Clinton.
As the mid-term elections draw near, the economy continues to sputter, and nay-saying, tea bagging candidates steep in their stupidity, I miss former President Clinton more and more.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t dislike President Obama, but the man is so cerebral, if he was getting a blow job from Michelle, he would say to himself…
“This is very pleasing, and my prostate thanks you for your efforts.”
Prior to the O-Man, we had Dubya who was quite the opposite. A forceful and matter-of-fact bastard whom I can hear uttering:
“I dig the Mexicans, but if they continue to kidnap Americans, I’ll cut their fucking heads off and make me a burrito sandwich out of the leftover shit.”
On the other hand, prior to both of these guys there was the Obama/Dubya mixture that was Bill Clinton.
President Clinton was the perfect storm of intelligence, foresight, national sensitivity, and you know what…I miss him.
Even to this day, when Clinton speaks, he not only says something intelligent, he illuminates how desperately this nation needs a political giant like him.
I understand the frustration of this country’s electorate, but c’mon….If the answer to the frustration is to vote for Sharron Angle, Joe Miller, Christine O’Donnell, and Carl “Fucking” Paladino? Screw It.
Oh, Dear God. They…are…morons. And…if you are one who is inclined to vote for those morons, YOU are a moron too.
I know…I know…FOX News, Rush Limbaugh, and Sean “Blockhead” Hannity will say my comment is elitist, but seriously, how can I be an elitist when I live in Bagwine, Ohio?
Fuck Em’ All.
If you vote for any of those folks or think that Sarah Palin would make a good President, you are stupid and must be shot, poisoned, or otherwise killed.
And that’s that.
But what about my right to vote and my First Amendment rights, you ask?
Ha…If you are voting for any of the folks I mentioned, you have no right to anything other than a government grant because you are obviously a thalidomide victim.
Anyhoo…
I guess my point is, people running for office today, suck. Big Time.
I miss Bill Clinton. I miss Statesmanship. I miss intelligence.
I don’t care how many chicks he had sex with.
I’ll take horny and smart over stupid and well, stupid, anytime.
Cheers!!
You can catch Jay and I discussing the stupid state of politics more thouroughly by listening to our I'm with Stupid Blog Talk Radio Show from yesterday:
Well it’s official…Christine O’Donnell has won the Republican Primary for U.S. Senator from Delaware.
The Bible beatin’, don’t you dare masturbate, Tea Party Express and Sarah Palin endorsed moron defeated long time Republican congressman Mike Castle in Tuesday’s Senate primary.
Along with Senate candidates Joe Miller (R-AK) and Sharron Angle (R-NV) she is now the third corner of the, Tri-Cornered Tea Party Hat of Stupidity.
Oh Dear God, what has this country wrought? Come January, these three unqualified boneheads could actually being standing on the Senate floor!! Legislating!!
Wow…just…fucking…wow!!
Much like Obama has allowed the far left-wing of the Democratic party to hijack his agenda and common sense, the GOP is getting hijacked by far-right wing ass clowns.
Political moderation, informed debate, and the era of greatness within the halls of Congress have long passed.
The political lines are now drawn so acutely, that there is no room for moderation, for compromise, for intellectual thought.
Political ideologies are fast becoming two camps with a “my way or the highway” mindset. It’s sad, and Rep. Mike Castle in my thinking has become the poster child for that.
You see, Castle during his nine term run in Congress earned a 56 rating from the American Conservative Union. The scale goes from 0 (The Devil) to 100 (Praise Jeebus, He’s One of Ours!!).
Castle’s rating seems to indicate he’s played it nearly right down the middle over 18 years. Well folks, some people don’t like that. It’s Heresy!!
He’s a man without a party and Tuesday night he paid for it with his political career.
His down the middle, debate and compromise career of public service has been truncated by a lying, hyper-ideological, pool of puke, and blunt force to the head damaged chick named Christine O’Donnell.
O’Donnell won. Extreme ideology won. Common sense lost.
Party labels have become more important than what is best for the country. I have a suggestion as to how fix this increasingly obvious problem.
We ban political parties. Just as with many local offices and judgeship elections, ALL elections will be non-partisan.
No D, R, Green, Libertarian, etc, ad infinitum will appear next to any candidate’s name on any ballot.
Each and every candidate will be on his or her own and will have to win based on their platforms and ideas.
I like this idea for two reasons…One, candidates will have to actually have ideas and communicate to the electorate!! And two?
I would love to go to the polls and watch the heads of voters assplode when they break out into in a sweat and scream…
“Hey!! There’s no D or R next to the names. How do I know who to vote for!? Oh the Humanity!!”
Ha…The D and the R make life so easy. One need not think for themselves when they have the D and R to fall back on.
Voters might actually have to shut off Olbermann, Maddow, Hannity, and Limbaugh and think for themselves if this plan was implemented.
What a fucking shame, but it just might put this nation back on track and restore greatness and meaning to the phrase, American Statesman.
If this trend of electing ideological morons continues, our country will be on a path of crash and burn.
If these three jokers who I mentioned are elected, America will be on flight to nowhere… or worse.
It would be like me getting on airplane sitting next to some dude who looks like Payne Stewart and hearing:
“Welcome to American Flight 93, ladies and gentlemen. I’m Captain Earhart and I hope you enjoy your time on board. Our in-flight movie today is The Buddy Holly Story. Fasten your Seatbelts!!”
I mentioned yesterday that I was just flat out pissed off and disgusted with what I saw on the FOX News coverage of the Tea Party march on Washington, D.C.
As one who appreciates loud, proud, and sassy civil disobedience, don’t think for a moment that I feel that these tea baggers shouldn’t have descended on our Nation’s Capitol.
However…I was disturbed by a couple of things that I saw.
First of all FOX News…
I heard inflated attendance numbers given by the moronic numb nut Griff Jenkins. I watched and listened to Glenn Beck heaping praise upon the protestors as his eyes “welled-up” with pride.
Former Congressman and House Majority Leader Dick Armey, whose group FreedomWorks Foundation has sponsored and financed many of these events, talked about the “spontaneous and grassroots” movement that is taking place.
Many in the crowd, when placed in front of a FOX News microphone by the aforementioned Griff Jenkins, returned the praise given by Glenn Beck by thanking him and FOX News for helping to get their message out.
Fair and Balanced, alright. FOX News is as fair as Rachel Maddow is an open-minded chick who likes guys and as balanced as Keith Olbermann is not a guy who is full of himself. Puhleeeeze, how the hell do you guys say that with a straight face?
Anyhoo…The Teabaggers…I heard the same old tired crap. “Obama is a Socialist!!” Now, let me do my best Joe Pesci and ask:
A Socialist, how? A Marxist? A Trotskyite? A Stalinist? An Uber-Hot, Blonde, Swedish Chick Who Lives in Stockholm? Exactly what do you mean by Socialist? Oh that’s right…You haven’t a God Damn clue!!
Then I saw posters and signs throwing the tired, old Nazi label on Obama.
Hmmmm…The only time I have ever seen a black Nazi was when I saw the late Ivan Dixon portray one a couple of times on Hogan’s Heroes during one of their wacky, wartime capers.
Glenn Beck recently released a book titled, “Glenn Beck’s Common Sense”. The title sums up the book correctly, well…halfway anyway.
It’s Beck’s book alright, I mean, other than the title that he creatively borrowed from Thomas Paine, but it’s far from common sense.
And the tea baggers who marched on D.C. Saturday that Beck helped to inspire, displayed the same lack of common sense that spews from Beck’s mouth on a daily basis.
I heard shouts of, “We’re losing our liberties!!” “It’s Communism!!” Hell, I was fully expecting someone to echo Beck’s words that we are now living under an “Oligarhy”. Ha.
The folks that FOX News showed and had talk on camera just threw out quick lines that injected some sense of losing freedom, Communism, Nazism, or otherwise dictatorial intent on the part of the Obama administration.
Get over it. Protest all you want. Protest loudly. Have fun with it. But please, I beg of you…
Could you refrain from merely throwing out invectives and vagaries? Seriously…put some thought into what you are protesting and put an argument behind it.
Do this not, and I will call upon Ivan Dixon to return from the dead, and in all of his Nazi glory, gun you down with his Schmeisser.
Tomorrow…I will announce the name and direction of the independent third political party that I am establishing.
Until then…I am working a rare day time shift today, so play nice while I am gone. If you can, try to keep folks in line, Phfrankie.
It’s going to be a bee-yoo-tee-fu Sabbath here in Bagwine today.
My 11-7 stint at the Beer Mine should be full fun and frivolity. No…seriously, on Sundays, the folks coming through are pretty cool, and today will be busy as it is the first Sunday of the 2009 NFL football season.
However, allow me to reflect on my Saturday for a moment…
By 10 P.M. Saturday night, I was footballed out. I turned to FOX News. Geraldo Rivera was on. Much of his show involved covering the Tea Party Express March on Washington, D.C.
I found out something funny while watching…something ironic…something that I knew subconsciously, but never mentioned, and yet was the impetus for me wanting to start an effective third political party.
Oh screw it…just screw it…I’ll talk to you all on Monday.
Yeah…I miss those things from my childhood, but you know what I miss from my adulthood?
Oh, Dear God. They…are…morons. And…if you are one who is inclined to vote for those morons, YOU are a moron too.
