Bacon and Cracked Eggs

Ahhhhhhh it’s the first Saturday of August. I like August because that means that the College Football season starts at the end of this month.

However, that is still a few days away from now, but this Saturday is kicking off with me taking my nearly 15 year old (Oh Dear God) son and eating machine, Ryno, out for breakfast.

As of the writing of this, I am not sure where we will go. One thing is certain however...

No matter where we end up eating, we will be involved in a freak show.

Seriously, every time Ryno and I go out to eat, we either are eating our breakfast to the sound of a close by middle-aged patron who looks like Charles Manson screaming about his manly prowess on the slow pitch softball field or…

We are handed our lunch by a waitress who appears to have just been released from the Ohio Reformatory for Women after serving time for sawing her husband in half and eating his brain.

It never fails.

One lunch involved the aforementioned softball guru. Another involved the ex-con chick.

We went to Appleby’s recently and were waited on by some dude who kept giving me the eye. Yeah…the sexual eye.

Ryno was quite amused by that. Some of you who have read me for awhile may remember one of the Christmas presents that I gave to Ryno this past year…

Why is Ryno laughing? It’s a picture of me replicating the look on the face of a guy who was sitting across from us when I took Ryno out for lunch last October.

That disturbing gaze never left the dude’s face as he chowed down on a lunch of onion rings and a fish sandwich.

Ryno and I were so disturbed, fixated, and amused. We couldn’t take our eyes off of this guy. It got better.

Ryno and I went to the bathroom after we were done eating, and what did we see?

We saw the same guy taking a leak in the bathroom still sporting the same maniacal look on his face as he gazed down upon his golden stream of craziness.

Ha. It is a face that we both replicate to this day, and Ryno will even use it when he is guarding an opponent while playing basketball.

It truly unnerves the man he is defending. As it should…

So, I am looking forward to a little freakiness to go along with my bacon (Mmmmmmmmm, Bacon) this morning.

And the best thing about my outing with Ryno? It reads like a MasterCard commercial…

Breakfast: 25 Bucks

Nearby Asylum Escapees: Annoying

The Laughs You Will Share Forever With Your Kid Over This Simple Meal: Priceless.

Have a wonderful Saturday all. I’ll have my camera with me just in case our string of encountering restaurant freaks continues.

Cheers!!

Post Breakfast Report

The Boy Ate...It...All

Three Pancakes...A Sausage Patty...Two Sausage Links...Two Scrambled Eggs...Two Strips of Bacon...Two Kielbasa Links....and, get this...Two Diet Cokes. WTF?

A Meatless Mind Doesn't Function Well

See? See what happens?

I take a day off from blogging yesterday (thanks to Schmoop for filling in, by the way) and it ruins me. I have nothing.

I got out of my rhythm. I lost my mojo. I have become in a mere day, a tabula rasa.

I guess I could talk about taking Ryno to breakfast today. But seriously, since meat will not be involved in my meal, why bother?


What the hell is breakfast without bacon, or hash, or sausage, anyway? Boring…Meaningless…Hell on Earth. Bleah.

Although, I am certain that Ryno will enjoy his bacon and/or sausage more than usual. And…He’ll make sure to let me know just that.

The little shit will be certain to give me a bite by bite commentary while doing his best Dick Vitale voice.

Oy...

I just thought of something. I really miss Saturday morning cartoons. I miss eating heavily buttered toast, drinking chocolate milk, and watching my hero…

Who’s my hero, you ask? Bugs Bunny.

He is a riot, and uber-cool. He’s a man’s man and a woman’s man…Or in this case, a man’s Sylvilagus floridanus and a woman’s Sylvilagus floridanus.

But alas, what can I say about Bugs that hasn’t already been said? I guess nothing. I do have a friend who is going on a cruise tomorrow.

So in the words of Bugs, I will say to her…Bon Voy-Ah-Gee. Scintillating post, no? Yeah, I know.

Maybe the lack of meat is catching up with me. It’s been 18 days. Maybe I need to pull a Number Nine on Schmoop. It’s been 2 days.

My mind is cluttered. I need to clear it. You know what really blows?

Pizza Bill made a huge ass pepperoni pizza for a guy who was supposed to come through the Drive-Thru and pick it up Friday night.

Well, the guy never showed. So, I called Bill and he told me to take it home and cook it because it wouldn’t be any good by Saturday. (They’re made fresh.)

I couldn’t, you know why?…Because I have given up fricking meat like the moron that I am!! I bet that damn, free, meaty pie would have cleared my mind.

That’s okay…When I go to breakfast with Ryno today, I’ll feast on eggs and hard toast. Whoop-Duh-Fuckin’-Diddy.

Jeebus better appreciate my goddamn meatlessness, ‘cause I think the brutal, non-beef reality is starting to set in.

And you know what? I don’t like it one bit.

Cheers!!