A Post About Nothing

This post will be short and sweet. Ok, not really sweet, but really short. Or something.

I don’t have any rainbow, sunshine, unicorns flying out of my butt posts left in me this week. I apologize Jay, I know how you look forward to those.

What do I have, you may ask? Nothing. So today is a show about nothing. Get it? God you people are hard to please.

The voices in my head have told me to ask you for questions. I’m sure I’ve done this before, but like I said, I got nothing’, and the voices told me to.

Do not anger the voices, or so I’m told, um…by…the voices.

Actually, the reason I have nothing is because I am so looking forward to the weekend, when Matt-Man and I can actually spend more than ten minutes together.

You know…to talk and stuff. Well, more stuff than talking, but you catch my drift. I’m positively giddy!

Did you just call me a freak? No? Well, that’s what I “heard.” I can see you!

We literally see each other about thirty minutes during the Monday-Friday part of the week. It blows.

So ask away, and I will answer you in the comment. I’m not afraid of you. Um…I’m not.

Zooooves!!

A Meatless Mind Doesn't Function Well

See? See what happens?

I take a day off from blogging yesterday (thanks to Schmoop for filling in, by the way) and it ruins me. I have nothing.

I got out of my rhythm. I lost my mojo. I have become in a mere day, a tabula rasa.

I guess I could talk about taking Ryno to breakfast today. But seriously, since meat will not be involved in my meal, why bother?


What the hell is breakfast without bacon, or hash, or sausage, anyway? Boring…Meaningless…Hell on Earth. Bleah.

Although, I am certain that Ryno will enjoy his bacon and/or sausage more than usual. And…He’ll make sure to let me know just that.

The little shit will be certain to give me a bite by bite commentary while doing his best Dick Vitale voice.

Oy...

I just thought of something. I really miss Saturday morning cartoons. I miss eating heavily buttered toast, drinking chocolate milk, and watching my hero…

Who’s my hero, you ask? Bugs Bunny.

He is a riot, and uber-cool. He’s a man’s man and a woman’s man…Or in this case, a man’s Sylvilagus floridanus and a woman’s Sylvilagus floridanus.

But alas, what can I say about Bugs that hasn’t already been said? I guess nothing. I do have a friend who is going on a cruise tomorrow.

So in the words of Bugs, I will say to her…Bon Voy-Ah-Gee. Scintillating post, no? Yeah, I know.

Maybe the lack of meat is catching up with me. It’s been 18 days. Maybe I need to pull a Number Nine on Schmoop. It’s been 2 days.

My mind is cluttered. I need to clear it. You know what really blows?

Pizza Bill made a huge ass pepperoni pizza for a guy who was supposed to come through the Drive-Thru and pick it up Friday night.

Well, the guy never showed. So, I called Bill and he told me to take it home and cook it because it wouldn’t be any good by Saturday. (They’re made fresh.)

I couldn’t, you know why?…Because I have given up fricking meat like the moron that I am!! I bet that damn, free, meaty pie would have cleared my mind.

That’s okay…When I go to breakfast with Ryno today, I’ll feast on eggs and hard toast. Whoop-Duh-Fuckin’-Diddy.

Jeebus better appreciate my goddamn meatlessness, ‘cause I think the brutal, non-beef reality is starting to set in.

And you know what? I don’t like it one bit.

Cheers!!

Schmoop Takin' Up The Slack...

I have got nothing and I'm spent so I asked Schmoop to step up for me. She agreed.

Of course, I owe her now, but nonetheless.

I have seen this "What's Your Man Do?" meme going around, so I asked her to do it for me.

She acquiesced, and here are the results. Be bored all you want...I'm going to go to sleep.

1. He’s sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen?

News, Sports, Seinfeld, and once again, News. He's a real live wire, no?

2. You’re out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad?

Bleu Cheese…Gack Me!! It’s liquefied mold, people!!

3. What’s one food he doesn’t like?

Pork Chops and Ribs. Any other piece of the pig is fine with him, but noooooo…What is he stupid?

4. You go out to eat and have a drink. What does he order?

Sam Adams and/or a 7-and-7...not necessarily in that order.

5. Where did he go to high school?

That God awful Springfield North High School. Obviously I went to South.

6. What size shoe does he wear?

12...Need I say more? ; )~

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be?

He doesn’t collect now, but when he was younger he had a huge, beer can collection. Can you say, “foreshadowing”? Nowadays, he just collects dust.

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich?!

Baloney, Cottage Cheese, and Cheetos on white bread…No , I’m not kidding. WTF?

9. What would this person eat every day if he could?

Me…And he does. And I love him for it.

10. What is his favorite cereal?

Lucky Charms. Uh-huh.

11. What would he never wear?

Pajamas…He longs to be unfettered...yes, thank you for your sympathies.

12. What is his favorite sports team?

The Notre Dame Fighting Irish…I love them too.

13. Whom did he vote for?

Himself…But seriously Obama, although he was a Hillary fan after Joe Biden dropped out of the primary...Man, he loves losers. Wait a minute..?

14. Who is his best friend?

Me….Grudgingly. And his damn kid.

15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn’t do?

Wow…It could be a million things. I’ll go with being afraid of life.

16. What is his heritage?

Mostly Irish, a little German, and a whole lotta moron. ; )

17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake?

White on White…he‘s so fucking boring. But still...it’s cake, right?

18. Did he play sports in high school?

Yes football…He played Tight End. He still has one...Prior to that, he was really good at baseball, but his arm went to shit. He’s such a Mary. Suck it up, Matt-Man!!

19. What could he spend hours doing?

See Number Nine

20. What is one unique talent he has?

See NUMBER NINE, Dammit!! Are you guys blind!!?

Wasn't that fun? Okay, maybe not, but damn, it's nice to have a break from blogging. Thanks Schmoop!!

Cheers!!

Oy Vay

Hello.

How are you?

Me?

Not so good.

A couple of things are happening that will prevent me from posting right now.

Schmoop didn't go to work today, either.

So to recap...

No post right now...No Schmoop at work

Details to follow...

Cheers!!

Have You Ever Wanted To Put Up A Post That Was Mainly Just A Long Boring Title And Contained No Interesting Or Funny Content Of Which To Speak?

I have and I just did.

Happy Monday!!

Cheers!!