Take A Picture...It Lasts Longer

Hiya Kidz...

Schmoop and I are a bit under the weather today, so I thought perhaps I'd do a pictorial post. Or is that pictoral? Hell, I don't know...Anyhoo...

Here's a picture of me yesterday after I shaved my head...Tres Chic, no?

Last night I made Filet Mignon. Okay it's hamburger that I mixed with onion, parsley, garlic, What's This Here Sauce, held together by crumpled Sour Cream and Onion potato chips (can't eat bread ya know), and wrapped in bacon, but...

It looks good, no?

Here's a picture of it almost done. I had to put it back in the oven for 10 minutes so the bacon could finish cooking...

Schmoop dug it, and since she is home today, we are opening up the interwebz (Thanks Doc) for any questions you may have of her.

Feel free...she's open to answering any questions you may have about her and her sordid life.

I want to apologize to Gary Garedenhire who I so acerbically trashed the other day. Maybe he was coming on to me and I just didn't pick up on it...

As a petition of atonement and in order to maybe having sex with Gary, Larry Craig, and Ted Haggard in the future, I offer this song.

It's a song by a guy who was ridiculed and persecuted by the evil octopus that is the music recording industry.

Ladies and gentlemen, and especially you Gary, I give you my sincerest regrets and the musical magic that is David Soul...

Cheers!!

Gary Gardenhire: Idle Hands Are The Matt-Man's Playground

Hee Hee...Oh were to begin..?

Monday at 8:54 A.M. I received the following e-mail from one, Gary Gardenhire:

Oh, Matt-Man, I would so love to ruminate with you, but I just don't think I have the intellectual gifts necessary to give you a good ruminating. You are so obviously brilliant.

By the way, Matt-Man, I see one of your "interests" (q.v. listed in my blog profile) -- gee you have so many neat interests -- is being a horses' ass. Wouldn't it be more accurate given your Buckeye brilliance to say that you look like a horse's ass, more particularly one without any hair on it?

At first I thought…

“Why is the manager of the Minnesota Twins saying awful things about me?”

And then I realized…The name of the Twins manager is RON Gardenhire, not Gary. So, I asked aloud,

“Who the fuck is Gary Gardenhire and why is he peeing all over me?”

I put the crack Bagwine staff to work in order to find out who the hell Gary W. Gardenhire is. It turns out Gary Gardenhire has quite the lengthy and impressive resume.

He is a decorated army officer who served for 36 years, an attorney, and a dedicated public servant for the State of Oklahoma.

He was an Oklahoma State Senator, Chief Counsel for their Dept. of Health, and served some time as Assistant Attorney General, Chief of the Civil Division.

He is, of course, a heap big mug wump in the Oklahoma Republican Party.

He may still practice law, but Gary recently retired from all of that Oklahoma State government and military stuff, so I guess he has some extra time on his hands.

And guess what friends… I know exactly what Gary wants to do with those idle hands of his.

You see…the reason Gary Gardenhire chanced by my site and ultimately my blog profile was that he typed in a Google search that contained the following:

Alisyn Camerota Spanked

That search took him of course to the following post of mine: Alisyn Camerota Is Hot and I Love Her

Now, I dig any guy who wants to spank Alisyn Camerota and him being a Republican and wanting to get down and nasty with a FOX News babe makes perfect sense, but Gary is a man of deep irony.

First of all, while he wants to spank Alisyn Camerota, has at least one son, and may or may not be married, he’s probably gay.

After all, as the movie An Officer and a Gentleman teaches us, “Only two things come from Oklahoma, steers and queers.”

And I don’t see any horns on Gardenhire in his picture below. I guess Gary is not into those traditional family values that GOP’ers so often talk about.

Secondly…His last position in the U.S. Army ran from 2001-2003. He served with the 75th Division as Chief of Staff for Intelligence and Security.

Now don’t ya think that a guy in intelligence would know that I could find out about his desire to spank Alisyn Camerota in about two seconds using the magical tubes that are the internets?

The final irony? This (at least on paper) well educated man read my blog…read my profile…and yes, saw into my soul.

And yet…

After reading my site he failed to realize the most important thing…

I’m Matt-Man, Bitch!!

For your amusement and mine information…

I’ve e-mailed Mr. Gardenhire and informed him that he is the special Bagwine guest on today’s post, so…

If any of you hot babes (or guys) want to let Gary know how much you’d like to engage in a spanking session with him, feel free to leave your always ass-tronomical remarks in the comments today.

I bet Gary Boy will dig it.

Cheers!!