Wow kids…There was big news on Monday.
The Harry Reid, negro dialect comment fallout? Not at all, bitches and ho’s.
Mark McGwire admitting that he was using steroids when he broke the home run record? Swing and a miss batter; that’s no surprise.
Simon Cowell announcing that he will be leaving American Idol? This judge says no.
No my friends, the big news on Monday was that former Alaska Governor Sarah “Lame and Dull” Palin was inked by FOX News to a multi-year deal where she will work as a contributor and provide among other things, political commentary.
Political commentary? From Sarah Palin? Holy Cow!!
My funny bone has a hard-on right now thinking about the amount of jocularity that Palin will produce while weighing in with and alongside Senators, Generals, foreign leaders and the like. Oh Baby!!
Say what you want about FOX News President Roger Ailes, the man is a fucking comedic genius. He knows how to take stupid and turn it into ratings as hilarity ensues.
Tune into Fox and Friends in the morning and gaze upon Steve “Sure Thing, Mr Ailes” Doocy, Gretchen “I Graduated From Stanford, But They Don’t Advertise It” Carlson, and Brian “Huh?” Kilmeade do their 21st Century Three Stooges schtick. It’s Hi-Larry-Ous.
Sometimes I wonder how those three keep a straight face while delivering their goofy, tea bagging, right wing paranoia, and then it hits me…
They have no idea what the hell they’re talking about!! Ailes hired those people to be oblivious and the trio have immersed themselves head deep into a bucket full of stupid. Well done, Roger!!
Bill “Ego Oozes From My Pores” O’Reilly of course, pales not to those three. He needs no encouragement from Roger Ailes. Billy-Boy knows what he says is the truth because, well, he tells you it is. And if you don’t believe him, he’ll threaten to kick your ass. Nicely played once again, Mr. Ailes.
And then there is…
Glenn “Every Book I Write, I Steal The Title From Someone Else’s Book” Beck. Now there’s a man I enjoy watching. Unlike the aforementioned FOX personalities, this guy is flat out, bat shit crazy. He can become tiring after awhile but when he’s at his crazy, crying best, he is comedy gold.
Well, I have a word of warning for ya, Mr. Beck…
There’s a new crazy person on FOX News, and she is going to be going fucking rogue!! Sarah Palin is oblivious like the Fox and Friends stooges. She feigns toughness like Billy Boy, and she is bat shit crazy like the Beck-Meister.
Great Googly Moogly, the Eski-Ho is a fricking triple threat, and Ailes will ride her like a bitch-slapped polar bear to the ratings feeding hole.
Congrats on a another slick move, Roger Ailes. I for one, will be tuning in to watch Palin dish the funny.
I just hope you have set aside plenty of thigh high skirts and low cut blouses for Sarah. I want her to blend in with the other FOX babes.
Cheers!!
I watch the FOX News Channel often. I watch it for three reasons, which are as follows:
1. Alisyn Camerota.
2. Some of the personalities are funnier than hell.
And,
3. So you don’t have to.
Monday night I felt compelled to e-mail three FOX News Channel on-air personalities and personally let them know just how much I like them, and how much they brighten my day.
I contacted the following personalities via e-mail. Below, is a copy of the e-mail that I sent to each of them.
First up is Greg Gutfeld. Gutfeld hosts a show called Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld. The show airs at 3 A.M. in the morning with a repeat Sunday night/Monday morning at Midnight. It’s a “comedic” look at current news.
Gutfeld typically has various sexy news babes/pundits on as panelists along with his cohort and permanent panelist, “comedian” Bill Schulz. Here is my correspondence to one, Mr. Gutfeld…
Dear Mr. Gutfeld:
I watch your show at midnight every Sunday night/Monday morning. I dig it…well, sorta. I mean, I know it’s supposed to be a funny look at the news, but I think your show more accurately falls into that, “It’s so damn awful it’s good” genre of comedy.
It does bring back some wonderful memories. Every time I watch, I am reminded of the time that our fifth grade class at Simon Kenton Elementary School put on a production of, Hamlet. We didn’t know what we were doing, and we would laugh at each others’ tragic lines. Kinda like what you and your panelists do. Of course, we were only eleven year olds.
You were talking about Letterman having sex with his staff members on the show that I saw Sunday October 11th. Let me ask you? Are you having sex with your sidekick, Bill Schulz? I can’t see you keeping him on because of his non-existent comedic skills, so I figure his job is a result of some kind of sex thing you two have going on. If so, more power to you randy rascals.
Have a nice day, and if I can have an autographed picture, that would be great!!
Second Up? Fox and Friends weekday gal in the middle of the couch, Gretchen Carlson…
Dear Ms. Carlson:
I watch you during the week sometimes. You are really funny. I think it is uber-cool that you, a graduate of Stanford University, would allow yourself to spout out inane observations and non-sequitur takes on current events.
Those two mega-geniuses, Doocy and Kilmeade can be so dour, so I appreciate the way you act like you have absolutely no clue as to the world around you in order to keep things light.
I know you played the violin when you won the Miss America title. Take your violin and comedic skills to Vegas baby. You could be the next Henny, or should that be, Henrietta Youngman!!
Have a nice day, and if I can have an autographed picture, that would be great!!
Lastly…My weekend morning source of teenage type tingling…Alisyn Camerota.
Dear Ms. Camerota:
I watch you every Saturday and Sunday morning. I am always captivated, charmed, and intoxicated by your beauty, humor, and intelligence.
You are a cable show triple threat, and I am your captive. While the FOX News Channel agenda and my political views may be polar opposites, you never fail to melt my personal ice cap.
I have done a few posts on my website, Bagwine Ruminations in honor of you, and have provided you with a few links to such. I hope you get a chance to read them. I can’t send you flowers but I can send you my words of adoration.
Tell Roger Ailes that I said that you deserve a huge raise, because Alisyn, you raise my interest every weekend morning.
Have a nice day, and if I can have an autographed picture, that would be great!!
I sent along my name, address, and phone number to each e-mail that I sent. I think I may get a call or e-mail back from one or all of them, or perhaps…a call or e-mail back from the legal team at FOX News.
Either way, we will become much closer…and I like that.
Cheers!!
Today, Monday October 5th, 2009 is a big day in the world of morning talk shows.
The antediluvian, ophidian looking, sarcastic son of a bitch, Don Imus returns to TV today as he will now be simulcasting his radio show on FOX Business Network.
Yes friends, a little over two years after being unceremoniously canned by MSNBC, The I-Man has returned to television.
The President of FOX News and my fellow Ohioan, Roger Ailes, has decided that any wounds resulting from I-Man’s April 2007 “nappy headed ho’s” quote in reference to the Rutgers University women’s basketball team, have healed, and...
The I-Man is ready for “Primetime TV” once more…well, that the I-Man is once again ready for “Holy Crap It’s Early!! TV.”
I was behind Imus when the hubbub over his “ho” remark occurred. I wasn’t behind him because of his remark, although I found it to be pretty damn tame.
I was behind him because of the hypocrisy of those who wanted him fired.
Al Roker who appeared on the Imus in the Morning show numerous times in order to hump his latest book, was “outraged” by what Imus had said.
Baby Daddy, Jesse Jackson used the “scandal” in order to attempt to resurrect his long lost relevance.
Al Sharpton, who once said, “White folks was in caves while we was building empires…We taught philosophy and astrology and mathematics before Socrates and them Greek homos ever got around to it.” was driving the Fire Imus Bandwagon.
MSNBC and CBS Radio were outraged as well…not by his comment, but by the fact that they were losing advertising revenue over the incident.
Jackson, Sharpton, MSNBC, CBS, and many other people and groups wore their hypocrisy and phoniness on their sleeves over this “scandal.” It was completely and intentionally blown out of proportion by civil rights ambulance chasers and multimedia bean counters.
But…that is in the past. Today, Imus, while he has continued to air his show on radio, begins anew on TV.
I’m going to watch it today, but eh…
While I have always found Imus to be funny in a rude, asshole type of way, I’m hooked on Morning Joe (Brewed By Starbucks) on MSNBC. I know, Joe Scarborough is as Conservative as they come, but he has the best guests on…and they come from all political spectrums.
On top of that, if I want to be amused by a rude asshole, I’ll just read my old posts (like this one) or write a new one. So…
I’m glad that Imus is back. I think he got a raw deal by being fired, although he did get a 40 Million Dollar settlement from CBS. But hey, if you’re one of those who thinks he didn’t get punished enough, consider this…
Even though Imus is back on TV, he’s on FOX Business Network. FOX Business Network, People!! Holy Cow!! It’s channel 353 on the Bagwine cable box. Who has the strength and where-with-all to punch THREE numbers into their remote!?
I bet Ailes would have rather put Imus on FOX News Channel in the morning in place of the Fox and Friends Stooges: Doocy, Kilmeade, and Carlson, but being the smart guy that Ailes is, he recognizes something important.
People who watch Fox and Friends during the week, don’t like to think for themselves. They want the right wing honey served to them on top of their morning oatmeal.
The I-Man? He sometimes has opinions that go against the grain of those types of people. Ailes doesn’t want to upset those folks, especially during breakfast. It could very well confuse them for the rest of the day.
Cheers!!
Say what you want about FOX News President Roger Ailes, the man is a fucking comedic genius. He knows how to take stupid and turn it into ratings as hilarity ensues.
Well, I have a word of warning for ya, Mr. Beck…
