Thursday, October 15, 2009

Heidi Zadeh Is Hot And I Thank Her For It

About five months ago, I changed the way I blog to a degree. I started writing about topical items more and less often about personal things.

Trying to create an audience by going blog to blog and hoping in return others would do the same, was taking up a considerable amount of time.

I noticed back then, that only 2% of people who stopped by Bagwine Ruminations were directed to my site by a search engine.

I thought that if could do things differently I could increase my search engine traffic and get a 50/50 mix. It’s working.


I now get 20-40 percent of my daily traffic directed to my site by a search engine.

I continue to get hits from people who are directed to my three month old posts about Al Roker and The Weather Channel. Folks typing in things like “Al Roker Sucks”…“Fuck Al Roker”…etc., show up daily.

A search for “Alisyn Camerota Is Hot” or variants thereof, direct many people to my posts dedicated to my favorite FOX News Babe.


Alisyn Camerota remains my number one sexy siren of search engine success, but Wow..!!

Bagwine Ruminations has a new chick in the Google machine that may soon surpass my sweet Allie in directing people to Matt-Man.

Who? You ask?

The incredibly sexy, edible, makes me spontaneously spew something resembling Havarti cheese in my pants, Heidi Zadeh.

I first wrote about the Iranian born, former Miss Denmark, Heidi Zadeh back in July, but only lately has she revved up the search engine and directed horny men and women everywhere to my site.

She has also sent Bagwine Ruminations zooming up the internet charts in Denmark.

Hell, yesterday, while the vast majority of my visitors were from the U.S., a full 13% were from Denmark and another 8% from nearby countries such as Sweden, Germany, and the U.K.

Pickled Herring, anyone?

I felt because of all of the Bagwine activity generated by the lovely Miss Zadeh, I should take time today and thank her.

I think that since I have, in a way, used Heidi, I should graciously offer to allow her to use me…in any way Heidi and her smokin’ hot body would like. I know, yet another example of my selflessness.

Heidi, if you are out there reading today’s post, please know that I would love to be your ambassador to the United States.

I would be happy to spread the word of your hotness to all Americans, help to spread your fame across the Atlantic, and of course, spread those never-ending legs of yours.

As soon as I can pay someone to find your email, I will send you a link to this post, my home phone number, and an outline of the key to the apartment door.

You can stop by anytime, Heidi. The Bagwine will be chillin’, the cod will be drying, and I’ll be on the couch stroking my kolde bord.

I owe this and more to you...I Love You, Heidi.

Skål and Bunden i Vejret Eller Resten i Håret!!

36 comments:

3 Men and a Lady said...

With a tribute like that, she'll be calling any day now. :-)

David said...

>>>I should graciously offer to allow her to use me

You, Sir, are generous to a fault.

She is a lovely and endearing young lady...or something like that.

All of which reminds me of one of my all time favorite quotations:
The word of the day is legs; help spread the word.
How's that for junior high humor? Never gets old, does it?

Scott Oglesby said...

See, you’re on the right track by posting a parade of hot, nubile women. As opposed to me. I must have really pissed off someone at google, because they send me the serial killers. I did one post a while back about the gross butcher shops in Spain with totally normal tags. Yet everyday I get search engine hits from such delightful key words as, ‘hanging girl meat,’ ‘butchered carnage,’ and the ever popular ‘dead gerl hanging.’ I can’t comprehend why google is sending these sick fucks to me. I might just delete that post. I need more horny guys and less dangerous predators. Wait, that didn't sound right.

Candice said...

Matt- You had me at stroke my kolde bord. You are one funny bastard.

Scott's reply also cracked me up.

I think we should all get together for a few beers.

Candice said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Matt-Man said...

Lady: If only your words were to come to ture. Thank you for your hope and wish for me. Cheers Mrs. D!!

David: I try to help out when and where I can David. Spread the word,eh? You're right that was a jr. high remark. Cheers David!!

Matt-Man said...

Scott: Ha...See how you are? Next thing you know you'll be attacked by perverted bakers and candlestick makers. Reading the Google searches that lead people to one's site can be quite amusing. Cheers!!

Candice: My level of funny has nothing on you. I'm up for beers with you and Scott ANY time. And, I glad that you said beers, plural. Cheers Candice!!

Lu' said...

I love ya Matt-Man but I think you have a better chance of kickin it with Heidi Fleiss. Now that I've caused a shiver to go up you spine and a shrivel to work your kolde board I think my work here is done. Ms. Fleiss a womans cure for Viagra :)

Matt-Man said...

Lu: Ha Ha...Very Good Lu, and unfortunately quite accurate. Have a lovely day, lovely one. Cheers!!

Phfrankie Bondo said...

...you said amb"ass"ador...

Dana said...

Ahhh ... the things we'll do for notoriety. I don't know, Heidi Zadeh just doesn't do it for me. Not that I don't appreciate a hunkilicious woman gracing your pages. Wait! Maybe that is why I'm here!

Matt-Man said...

Phfrankie: Hee Hee...I love the fact that I am surrounded by grown-up 12 year olds like myself. Cheers P-Man!!

Dana: Well I am glad that Heidi doesn't "do it for you" because I would feel kinda bad telling you that I refuse to share. Cheers Dana!!

Jay said...

Oh I don't know. I guess Heidi is okayyyyyyy, but I don't really ... oh who am I kidding. I would have sex with that women until my penis sent me a cease and desist order.

My google search terms are full of "Giada de Laurentiis boobs/cleavage/nude" searches. Also, "Rachael Ray boobs/nude" searches. And a few "Miley Cyrus nude" searches.

I'm so proud. ;-)

Matt-Man said...

Jay: Heidi is smokin'. It's funny that you mention your searches. I thought of you when I wrote this, and after Schmoop read it, she mentioned you as well. Why is that? Be proud my friend. Cheers Jay!!

Bond said...

Congrats on getting more traffic...

Matt-Man said...

Bond: That was so warm. Cheers Vin!!

katherine. said...

it seems in the past, your readership has been predominantly female...I'm guessing your new traffic offsets all that...

Lu' said...

LOL @ JAY. How'd you like to be the clerk writing out that c&d order HA!

Matt-Man said...

Kat: I couldn't tell you, because as I get more hits, most of them never comment, so I don't know. I am assuming so, but eh. Cheers Kat!!

Lu: Ha. I'd like it...Nothing like a good penis joke. Cheers Lu!!

Bond said...

Your goal was to get more traffic...I am pleased you have done so.

What is the average time one spends on the ole bagwine? that is always the measure I go by.

Bond said...

Guess I was so please Blogger decided to post me three times...

Matt-Man said...

Bond: Thanks...And Ha, I fixed Blogger repeat fuck up.

The average time is roughly 3.5 minutes. Cheers Vinny!!

Bond said...

Cool...I average a tad under 4 minutes and most of my traffic is US based, but have Canada, India, Austria, Australia, Sweden, UK, Singapore, Greece, Norway, Netherlands, Germany, Tunisia, Mexico, Italy and Hungary represented in the last 24 hours.

My hits are far more Google than anything else and come from my music postings...

Always interesting to know why.

Starrlight said...

My favorite search term than lands people on my blog is "Chris Martin is a Twat." I will rest on those laurels the rest of my blogging career.

Matt-Man said...

Bond: Well there ya go, and yes it is. Cheers Vin!!

Starr: Ha...I had one this morning that I sent to Scott Oglesby...

"White pygmy fucking a smooth ebony asshole."

That's pretty cool in itself. Cheers Starr!!

Marilyn said...

Unfortunately, when you tell a woman that she can use you any way she wants... she immediately begins thinking about the laundry and toilet scrubbing she'd rather anybody else do. So, while she may take you up on your offer, it probably won't involve the horizontal mamba. She already has thousands of eager offers for THAT service.

Matt-Man said...

Marilyn: That's okay Marilyn, I'm used to that. Throw cooking in there as well. I am one sexy butler to the ladies. Cheers Funny Girl!!

Micky-T said...

Sorry, I don't see the benefit of counting hits, when you got nothing to sell. I only mean that if your getting thousands or hundred of thousands of hits and you only have those googly advertisers WTF does that add up too....$37.76? Are your Bagwine Products increasing in sales that are worthy of all the extra hits? Be honest, what's the objective?

I think if you want to make out on the internet you best sure have something to sell or your just farting in the wind!

Matt-Man said...

Micky: I don't think you are getting what I am doing here.

The few T-Shirt sales, hat sales, the occasional ad is fine, but what I am selling is my writing.

Only until one has an audience do those things that you mention take off. Sure lots of people have ads and products on their site, but unless people are coming by, they don't make money.

I can have the sweetest looking shirt for sale, but if no one stops by to say, "Man, I'd like one of those." does it matter monetarily.

This site is not a flea market for cheap wares and fads...it's a place for common sense, humor, and thought. If that is something enough people buy into, the money will come.

Cheers Mick!!

Micky-T said...

I get that this site is a place for common sense, humor, and thought, but if your looking for a job it's best to start knocking on *doors* instead of standing on the street with a sign saying *looking for work*.

You need to SEEK, not wait. Am I wrong here thinking that it's best to walk down the street opening doors, meeting people, asking for work as opposed to waiting for someone to find you? Just saying.

You got the skills, no doubt, maybe you should be e-mailing places that might want your skills and ask them to check you out at Bagwine. Seems the more productive road to me. But WTF does this old Trade High School hippy know?

You know after 4 or 5 hitchiking trips across country when I was a kid, I learned that if I got out of the car at the rest area *before* the exit they were going to, even if it was 60 miles further, I could stand at the door to the rest area and as people were coming out I could *ask* for a ride (they were going in my direction). Whole lot different than them driving by me at 70 MPH thinking, "should I pick him up"? No...eye contact made the difference Matt, that's how I *knew* I could get across the country in less than 5 days.

Find the people you want to look in the eye and e-mail them, put the ball in their court Bud!

Matt-Man said...

Micky: I spend most days not only responding to comments and readig blogs, I spend them sending out writings.

In fact a friend of mine just recently sent me two more places and market places to which to send them.

There are a dozen time a dozen writers as funny, sharp, or as good as myself, it's a tough road to hoe.

I just keep pluggin' away and that's what I do.

Cheers Mick!!

Micky-T said...

Ahhh.....but there's only one Matt-Man and I'll bet there's at least a half a dozen markets that would be interested. You'll find one.

I hope you know, that I only wish you Godspeed (did I say that?) in finding that writing job.

Cheers, my friend!

Matt-Man said...

Micky: I appreciate that Mick, because I know that you mean it. Cheers to you my good man!!

VE said...

That's funny...the wifey-poo wears that same exact outfit around...

Matt-Man said...

VE: HA...You're a goof, and I love you for it. Chers VE!!

Marilyn said...

I've actually been thinking about this a little myself. So far blogging has been a way to distract myself from reality and goof off but that's losing its appeal. Maybe it would be nice to have an actual readership... and that's not going to happen unless I change something drastically.