The Touch of Rust

I don’t have much today pretty people. As you know the weekend sucked, thanks to yours truly. I thank you all for your comments. You guys rock!

Also, Friday morning, my computer at work decided to evidentially get the virus from the pits of hell, and blew the fuck up.

It’s less than a year old, but I must have the power to kill things. You know computers, feelings, etc.

Anyhoo, I can post from home, but I cannot log on to comment to anyone at work, just read. I have to wait until I get home to respond to anyone, so don’t think I’m ignoring you.

The computer I’m using has password protect bullshit on it. Who the fuck does that? Oh, you computer savvy people do? Well, La De Da.

So I thank you all, and hope to get back to the funny, instead of the fucked up real soon.

Zooooves!!

The Eagle Has Landed!!

Out with the noisy, grinding, on its last leg old...


And in with the quiet, slimlined newish...

It's one small step for Matt, and one giant leap for Matt-Kind...

Now I must configure.

Praise Jeebus, and thanks David!!

Cheers!!

Please Stand By...

Hi Kidz!! I have a programming note for you lovable, adorable perverts.

Sometime late Wednesday, I will become incommunicado for a time as I de-cord, de-power, and give the last rites to my computer.

It pisses me off...but, as the American Way is to build shit that doesn’t last so one is forced to buy something new, my piece of shit computer is being incredibly patriotic.

I have to respect that, and I shall be returning soon.

On Thursday, I will pick up my new unit thanks to Schmoop’s brother David, and hook it up sometime on that day as my Beer Mine schedule allows.

I shall (if all goes according to plan) be back in the digital age and swimming through the tubes of internets sometime before noon on Friday.

I know…I know…even thinking about a Matt-Man-Less World Wide Web let alone experiencing it, is a scary thing, but be strong.

It will be but a brief moment in time…

Unless of course, my string of bad luck continues and nothing fucking works after I hook it up!!

Maybe if I promise to burn a Quran on Saturday, GAWD will smile down upon me and my computer set-up with righteousness.

Until then, you chuckleheads…

Cheers!!

Holy Tuesday Matt-Man!!

Super Happy Hole-ly Jeebus Week™ continues today. And today? It’s Holy Tuesday.

Holy Tuesday in the Roman Catholic Church gets the shaft.

As postal employee Newman once uttered:

"Tuesday has no feel."

However, in the Eastern Orthodox Church, Holy Tuesday is set aside to perform a special service surrounding the Parable of the Ten Virgins.

The parable appears in the Gospel of Matthew 25:1-13.

It is a story spoken by Jeebus that talks about ten virgins, a bridegroom, lamp oil, and the importance of always being prepared for Judgment Day. For, we know not when it shall come.

In spite of Matthew’s uber-cool name, he got the story all wrong. I know what really went on with the Ten Virgins.

And c’mon…Are you going to believe Matt-Man or Matthew? I mean he was a tax collector after all.

Hell, the only thing he wrote into the Bible concerning this that was accurate, is that there were indeed several virgins involved and plenty of oil…

But let me tell ya, it wasn’t used for lamps.

In fact, Matthew should have fessed up about this incident because he was involved.

On the Tuesday night before his crucifixion, Jeebus and his posse had prayed themselves into a sexual frenzy.

Jeebus was ready for some hot Messiah on Magdalene action, but didn’t want his Apostles to feel left out. So…

Jeebus procured twelve virgins, one for each of the Apostles. John, being gay, didn’t participate and neither did Thomas, for he doubted that he would be able to get it up.

The two virgins left out of the Apostolic mix ran off to the Garden of Gethsemane and had hot lesbian sex. Later that summer, they took lyre lessons, went on tour, and originated Lilith Fair.

Anyhoo…Jeebus got the festivities started by saying, “Behold, we are all naked before God. Let this Come With Jesus Meeting Begin!!”

The boys all got their groove on with the virgins and the oil was flying everywhere.

It was madcap sexcapades of biblical proportions.

The boys were diggin’ the hot respite from all the hiking, miracle watching, and innocuous story telling they had endured while following Jeebus.

They were getting their reward on Earth. But, not without incident.

The virgins quickly found out who was James the Greater and who was James the Lesser. Peter denied that he was enjoying his blow job.

The virgin assigned to Judas was complaining that all he wanted to do was kiss.

And Matthew, the tax collector, kept begging his chick to let him pimp her out.

All in all however, it was a good time and it was best summed up by Bartholomew who said…

“Holy Shit…Tuesdays feel gooooooooooood!!”

On Mondays and Tuesdays, I now work from 10 A.M. til' 9 P.M., so I have little time to surf around, so I shall catch up with ya all sometime Wednesday...Unless my computer pukes, the color is off and it's making a very odd noise.

Cheers!!

Like The Phoenix Rising From the Ashes...

Well, if you read my post below, you know that I was having computer problems.

I truly appreciate the “concern” that many of you showed.

Sticky keys, stupidity, and in Jay’s case, he diagnosed my problem to be the result of a virus downloaded while looking for midget clown porn.

Jay is only half right…

My problems were the result of a bug I picked up while downloading pictures from the following Google search:

Rosie O’Donnell + Kentucky Derby Winners + Anal Sex.

So there, smart man.

It appears that all is well again, and I am back on the Bagwine track.

As a result of the delay, today’s Blog-Fo-Mercial© will be posted on Tuesday.

To post it now, would do a disservice to the BFM subject, by not allowing a full day of viewing.

Man, am I selfless, or what?

So with that, enjoy your Friday, and Songbird, I will try to have a new Inky and Lola up tomorrow just for you.

And to, “The Covert Lover”…Oh my, I think I’m in love.

Cheers!!

Rut-Roh!!

Until further notice, Bagwine Ruminations will be shut down...

Oh, don't worry, this is very temporary. I have a serious, yet relatively easy fix on my computer and thus my site.

I will see you all Saturday, if you're still around.

Thanks for stickin' 'round...

Matt

Cheers!!