Streaming Friday!!

It’s Stream of Consciousness Friiiiiiday so wring me out like a dirty sponge, cause’ I’m off today and soakin’ up life, Bitches!!

The ol’ “Top Hat” thingy that BP wanted to use to stop the oil flow on the fucked up rig isn’t going to work. No problem...

I have the solution to getting rid of the oil from the gulf and plugging the well.

Let’s soak up the oil spill with a giant ShamWow. It’ll soak the spill up faster than Rosie O’Donnell lapping up gravy from a bowl.

Then, we could plug the actual leak by tossin’ that hooker beatin’ ShamWow spokesguy into the leaky pipe. I’m a fucking genius.

Wooly Bully….Wooly Bully. Ha. Sam ShamWow and the Pharaohs. Wooly Bully.

Son of a Bitch, I just had a moustache whisker pulled out my face when I took a sip from my beer can.

What a wicked pisser. The other day I burned my damn finger. I went to take my smoke from my mouth and it stuck to my lip and my fingers slid down the cigarette to the burning head. Ouch. Ha…burning head.

Reminds me of the time I contracted gonorrhea. Just kidding. Never had gonorrhea. That I know of. Wooly Bully. Speaking of cigarettes, I need a smoke.

Mmmmmmm, so good and good for me. Chock full of that much needed tar that my body yearns for. Ha. I love the Ally Bank commercials.

Just saw the egg management fee one. Egg Management fee. Hee Hee. My kid loves those ads as well. He’s into baby jokes now.

On the way to school Thursday, Ryno asked me, “What’s the difference between a baby and an onion? I don’t cry when I chop up babies.”

Ha. I was laughing my ass off because he couldn’t stop laughing. I so love my little freak.

Wooly Bully…duh duh Wooly Bully. I may clean my closet out today after I get back from my walk to the Beer Mine this morning.

Of course, I’ve been threatening to clean it out for the last three Fridays. Corky will be pissed if I do. She likes to sleep in there. But I must. I must. I must increase my bust. Mmmmmm, tits.

I hope I get to play with Schmoop’s tits when she gets home tonight. I like her boobies. They’re like muskmelons. Well, muskmelons with nipples. She has a nice ass too.

It’s not big, but when I smack it, it makes the most amazing sound. It has a musical quality about it. It’s like her ass is the Mormon Tabernacle Choir of asses. Hallelujah and A-Fucking-Men!!

Having sex with Schmoop always reminds me of Geometry class. I can be on top of her and next thing I notice is that her legs are stretched out like a perfect 180 degree angle. And then…

Before I know it, she’ll have her uber-smooth legs and ankles all mismangled up behind her ears forming a prototypical rhombus. I’m going to start calling her, Euclid.

Damn straight. At some point tonight, I’m going to stick my postulate into her theorem and prove that hot sex is good for body, soul, AND mind. Eureka!! Oh wait...

Archimedes said that, not Euclid. Eh, what?

Eureka…isn’t that what a dago says when he thinks someone smells bad? Wooly Bully.

Okay kidz…My stream is drying up, so I must be off to…well, to do whatever.

Have a wonderful Friday all, and if you can, get hot and perpenDICKular with someone.

Cheers!!

Bagwine Babes

It's Friday and I have a new schedule beginning today. I will now be working Friday evenings. But all is not bad. I now have all day Saturday off. Boo Yah!!

I'm letting my mind take the day off today. So I thought I would just kick off this first weekend of Lent with some Bagwine Babes who have a hotness factor of Biblical proportions.

How can I not get things started with Bagwine fave, Tyra Banks. Mmmmmmm. Tyra.

Brains and Beauty...Okay...beauty anyway. How I do loooove me some mocha-cheena...




Well hello there Mizz Alba. I don't think I have ever seen you quite like this before. Me love you long time.

Far too young for me, but I adore Christina Aguilera. Purrrrrrrr. And this babe does have talent. The bitch can belt out a tune. I wanna be her Candy Man.

Mmmmmmmm, a blast from the past. The uber-hot Gina Lollobrigida. Oh how I would love to stuff her calzone.




Of course, since I am one to keep the peace in the Bagwine digs, I must include the lovely Schmoop. Keepin' the peace, so I can keep on gettin' a piece.




And now...A little somethin' for the ladies...




And to all of you lovely ladies out there...Mr. Tom Jones!!

Tom, you magnificent, uncircumcised, drippin' in foreskin, bastard, you!!

Have a great Friday and a wunnerful weekend, all.

Cheers!!

Two Short Rants, Two Short Videos, and Two Very Sweaty Balls

I’m off today…all day. I should be in a good mood but I am far from it.

The main reason I will get to later, but for now my first rant is about one, Rev. Jesse Jackson.

It seems that on July 6th, he not only was heard saying that Senator Obama is, “talking down to black people.”...

It is also being reported that he said that Obama is:

“…Telling Niggers How to Behave!!”

As I think about this and type, I can hear Dana Carvey as the Church Lady saying:

“Well, Reverend Who Can’t Keep His Penis In His Britches Outside Of His Holy Bond of Matrimony, don’t we have a potty mouth? Hmmmm?”

Of course, my own voice just says, “what a hypocritical dumb fuck.” But I also think, man, this is just kinda sad.

Jackson has become both a tragic and comedic figure.

Tragic in that, this once integral part of the Civil Rights movement is consumed with his own hypocrisy and his jealousy of Barack Obama, and…

Comedic, in the sense that more and more often, with every utterance, he paints his self-portrait in caricature form.

Senator Obama is not out to make himself the leader of the black community; he wants to be the leader of all Americans.

However, in the wake of Obama’s rise to political power, Jackson sees it differently.

Jackson sees it as a threat to his title of, “Leader of the Black Community”, and a threat to his throne.

What he doesn’t see, is that his title was self-appointed, and there was never a throne upon which he sat.

And now, let’s have a little fun before my second rant…

A video of me in a batting cage taking swings at 75 m.p.h. fastballs. Commentary provided by Ryno.

It’s a good thing only aluminum bats were available, because at least you can HEAR the hits that Ryno failed to capture on camera!!

And now, another short video of Ryno going all Irish-Scottish (Maybe it’s a new historical figure, William O’Wallace) on me as we waited for his lunch in the Drive-Thru at Rally’s.

My last rant is this…

Maintenance has been up here 5 times in the last two months to “fix” our A/C.

Well, today will be six, because after working on it for 6 hours yesterday it still doesn’t work.

Folks, I planned on using my day off to make a couple of videos, drink, eat, listen to music, and avoid the 93 degree temps and 70% humidity inside a comfortable apartment.

Instead, I will be listening to the clanging of A/C repair while I sweat.

It won’t be a good sweat. I will feel and smell like a human mattress used in a three way between Paris Hilton, Rosie O’Donnell, and Bill O’Reilly in a back alley of Bangkok.

Thank God, I have plenty of libation on hand.

See you all tomorrow, unless of course I melt like a salted snail.

Cheers!!

Like The Phoenix Rising From the Ashes...

Well, if you read my post below, you know that I was having computer problems.

I truly appreciate the “concern” that many of you showed.

Sticky keys, stupidity, and in Jay’s case, he diagnosed my problem to be the result of a virus downloaded while looking for midget clown porn.

Jay is only half right…

My problems were the result of a bug I picked up while downloading pictures from the following Google search:

Rosie O’Donnell + Kentucky Derby Winners + Anal Sex.

So there, smart man.

It appears that all is well again, and I am back on the Bagwine track.

As a result of the delay, today’s Blog-Fo-Mercial© will be posted on Tuesday.

To post it now, would do a disservice to the BFM subject, by not allowing a full day of viewing.

Man, am I selfless, or what?

So with that, enjoy your Friday, and Songbird, I will try to have a new Inky and Lola up tomorrow just for you.

And to, “The Covert Lover”…Oh my, I think I’m in love.

Cheers!!