Matt-Man’s Private Conversations™

It’s Friiiiiiday and you know what that means. That’s Right!!

It’s time for another installment of Matt-Man’s Private Conversations™

Thursday evening at the Beer Mine talking to Pizza Bill…

Me: Yo Billy-Boy can you use your van to help me move a couch from David’s house over to the apartment the first Sunday in October?

Bill: I’ll have to take the seats out, but sure.

Me: Thanks. Schmoop said that if you helped us out she’d show you her tits.

Bill: Hee Hee.

Me: Ha…Naw, I’ll pay ya.

Bill: I’d rather see Schmoop’s tits.

Me: Deal!!

Thursday morning taking Ryno to school…

Me: I’ll pick you up this afternoon. I’m going to park in that cornfield way behind the baseball diamond.

Ryno: If you park way back there, when I eventually do get to the car, I’m gonna park my fist in your face.

Me: Ha!! Good One.

Monday morning talking to Schmoop following Sunday’s post tryst admission fall out…

Me: You’re not going to work today?

Schmoop: No…I feel like shit this morning. I’ll just blame Dana. Ha.

Me: Ha...I’ll tell her.

Schmoop: And when you do, tell her to stop being a whore!! I did. I mean, shortly after you left your wife and moved in with me, I did.

Me: Ha. Hey-Oooooooo

Schmoop: I crack myself up…ugh, I’m going back to bed.

And that’s it for this week’s installment, but I do have a few things to pass along to you chuckleheads.

First of all, this past Tuesday I wrote about and professed my love for national radio talk show host, Leslie Marshall. Well kids, now dig it.

She read it Tuesday night and got a hold of me via Twitter. We had a brief Twitter convo and she was incredibly sweet.

I just want to say thanks to her for taking the time to read it and actually contacting me. Here’s to the lovely Leslie. Cheers to ya, Mizz Marshall!!

Today marks the 51st birthday of the sexiest librarian in the world, Bagwine buddy, Michele!! I want to give a big ol’ Happy Birthday to Michele. Have a wonderful day, dear!!

Lastly, I’m With Stupid will once again rear its ugly head at 11 AM EDT Sunday on Blog Talk Radio. Please join Jay and myself for some Sunday morning fun.

In addition to our weekly NFL picks and my weekly fucking by Time Warner, we will be talking about bad and/or funny things that have happened to us while drunk.

We invite you to call in and lay your stories on us as well.

And, since many of you will be listening to us with a hangover, we will also discuss what our favorite hangover foods are.

Off today so I’ll be whoopin’ it up I hope you all do the same. Have a good one!!

Cheers!!

The Leslie Marshall Show...I'm In Love!!

There’s a new sheriff in Political Pundit town, and her name is Leslie Marshall. Ha!! Sheriff…Marshall, See what I did there?

Anyhoo…

Mizz Marshall among other things, has a national radio show every weeknight.

When I get home from a long day at the Beer Mine, I pour a glass of WIR, fire up the computer, and listen to Leslie.

As her political punditry pulsates through my hard drive and breathily sings through my speakers, I swoon like a little school boy…a reform school boy.

My feelings for her are quite similar to what National Review’s Rich Lowry experienced for Sarah Palin when he watched Palin participate in the 2008 VP Debate:

“I’m sure I’m not the only male in America who, when Palin dropped her first wink, sat up a little straighter on the couch and said, “Hey, I think she just winked at me.”…it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America.”

That’s so warm, so human, so parallel, because Lowry and Palin are just like Leslie and me. Well…

Except unlike Lowry, I’m not a nitwit neo-con suffering from short man’s syndrome and unlike Palin…

The lovely Leslie is not a vacuous, half baked, half term, GOP, Eski-Ho!!

No sir…Leslie and I are moderately Liberal and of course, Uber-Cute.

Marshall has even exchanged tweets with me. Our tender Twitter moments are precious to me. She has even tweeted me to call her.

Well, call her show. I always do, except for the one night when I was pretty damn drunk.

When I do call her show, I don’t feel like a mere ratings number, I feel like I am King of the World!!

For those reasons, Leslie Marshall is Hot and I Love Her!! In fact…

Before the ice delivery guy Luis, departed the Beer Mine on Monday, I slapped a sign on the back of his truck professing my love.

He caught me though, and had me take it off, but my will could not be denied, and I slapped it on the side of his truck seconds before he departed for his next of many stops…

I hope that Leslie reads this and lets me know how much she appreciates my tribute to her and the passion for her that stirs my soul. Ahhhhh.

I’m working 10-9 on this glorious Tuesday d’amour, so don’t none of ya chuckleheads try to move in on my Leslie during my absence.

Cheers!!