Mike Huckabee: Political Whore of Babylon

Happy Hump Day chuckleheads let’s spoon out some hodgepodge, shall we? Great…

First up, Bagwine Ruminations’ ol pal Mike Huckabee is in the news.

The Huckster said in an interview yesterday that President Obama grew up in Kenya.

This came as news to all, especially Obama himself who never realized that the Catholic schools he attended in Indonesia were actually Muslim Brainwashing factories located in Nairobi.

Guv? As an alleged man of God, who may run for President, pick a side, because it is impossible for anyone to run for President AND be a man of God.

Huck went on to say that his Kenyan roots led Obama to BELIEVE that the British were Imperialists. Ha. I never realized that one had to grow up in Kenya to KNOW that the Brits were Imperialists.

The worse thing about that statement by Huck is that if he doesn’t know that the Brits were Imperialists, he may as well open up a MENSA Chapter with Sarah Palin.

Oy…

One week from today is Ash Wednesday and I shall be going Smokeless for Jeebus!!

Yes, in just seven short days I shall being giving up my cigarettes for at least the forty-six days during Lent.

Hopefully, the Lord will feed me nicotine through the process of Holy Osmosis or someone will surely die.

Lastly…

Tomorrow night on I’m With Stupid on Blog Talk Radio at 11 PM EST…

Jayman and I will be celebrating the Life and Times of Charlie Sheen. We will be talking not only abut Charlie Sheen but all of our fave celebrity train wrecks.

From Boy George to George Michael to Larry Craig to Gary Busey, Lindsay Lohan, and Mel Gibson.

Kim Fragile may even being doing a Live Remote from the Betty Ford Center.

Having fun with the demise of others always makes for good radio. In fact, Charlie Sheen did a promo for tomorrow night's show…



(if the play button doesn’t work, click twaud.io)

It shall be a good time and we hope you listen and call in with your favorite stories of celebrity demise at 661.244.9852.

That’s I’m With Stupid Thursday at 11 PM EST on Blog Talk Radio. You can access our show page by clicking HERE.

That’s all I gots for today. Happy Hump Day and as always…

Cheers!!

Stupid Begets Stupid

“Modern history would have one believe that the blacks were the only group ever forced into slavery!

The main concern is how they were treated, were they clothed and fed well, and were they allowed an education?

I get angry when I see the truth violated like that.”

--Amazing Gracie

After yet another infantile, and ideological post by Bagwine’s favorite crazy man, Uncle Charlie, another fave crazy person, in the toxic personification of “Amazing Gracie” chimed in with the above comment on Charlie’s uber-rightwing site.

Yes, I know…These idiots are small potatoes. Instead of uber-tubers, they are kinder-tubers, but nonetheless, I felt that Gracie’s comment was so, um…stupid..?

No, that’s not the right word…Um…So fucking hateful, oblivious, and mindless that I had to comment.

Gracie in all of her self-proclaimed Christianity, we should turn Afghanistan into a Glass Factory, God Loves Us Best Bullshit, thinks that our slaves were better off than others.

Does she really, as she implied, think that slavery was better in America because of some ill-conceived notion that "our" slaves were fed, clothed, and um…educated?

Educated?

Did the slaves go to slave school? Did they get a degree in bondage?

Okay, maybe the house niggers did, but unless a slave was cleaning Uncle Tom’s cabin, did that education really come in handy?

Have right wing, tea baggin’, assholes like Gracie, really disintegrated this far?

And before you say it…I don’t have a side. And I don’t want to hear about left wing idiots like Olbermann and Maddow. They illustrate their lunacy every night.

I’m talkin’ about “conservative, God-Fearing, patriots” like Gracie…Are they truly any of those things? Are they conservative..are they God-Fearing patriots?

I don’t fuckin’ think so.

I think they are idiots who, if there is a Hell, they are going there. And, folks like Gracie are going to spend eternity sucking Jerry Falwell’s dick ad infinitum.

Poetic Justice. After all…

A limp dick not only deserves, but requires a limp mind to feed upon it.

Cheers!!

President Obama and Communism: Holy Cow, I Never Knew He Had All That Power!!

I have a problem with my country. Indeed I have a problem with all of America. We are on the brink of losing our democracy.

The thing is…

It is not because of President Obama…It is not because of most Democrats and Republicans in Congress.

Hell, it’s not even because of Glenn Beck, Keith Olbermann, and other propagandists who appear 24/7 on Cable TV.

No, my friends…

We are losing our glorious democracy because, well…Americans are stupid, and they have a herd mentality. Well, not all, but a sizeable minority do. And, it is fucking up our country.

There is a website I read more than once a day because I am a “folk hero” there because I leave comments that run against their grain. That’s right, it’s a site called Sarge Charlie.

The guy is a hoot. He’s a Vietnam Vet and as you know, Vietnam Vets are untouchable when it comes to love for their country.

They love their country more than you and I, and…many of them are just flat out, insufferable.

In fact, along with many Beck-Tards, many "patriotic" Vietnam Vets think Obama is a spineless weasel, who knows nothing about the military. Take for instance, Ol’ Sarge….

Ol’ Sarge would say that if Obama took a crap, he didn’t wipe his ass correctly. And, if Obama blew his nose, he would say, “Did you see how he directed that sneeze towards a Vietnam Vet?”

What a dick.

Hey Charlie…while you are getting treated for your affliction (which I hope you beat) on the government dime, why don’t you tell people how much you hate government health care?

Oh, that’s right, you do. How I-Fucking-Ronic.

More so than Charlie, his readers are over the top ideologue nuts, and definitive of the craziness that is going on in this country.

Take for instance, the nut job named Gracie…

This wacko chick, who claims to be a Christian, imparted her wisdom on how the U.S. should deal with Afghanistan, and here is her well-developed foreign policy plan:

“The Afghanis are fierce, always have been. We need to give notice ahead of time and then bomb the holy hell out of them. We already know they’ll put babies and women on the front lines.”

I guess giving them notice first, is her idea of Christianity.

Call me crazy, but I thought if we were trying to instill democracy into a country, turning said country into a glass factory wouldn't be the best way to go about that.

Of course, I am but a novice in affairs such as this, but that plan seems silly, unless of course, one is heavily invested in Mason jar futures.

Oy…My point is, is that these Beck-Tards think Obama is going to turn our country into some type of Soviet state.

If they think that Obama is that powerful, doesn’t that suggest that they don’t believe in the power of our Constitution and the separation of powers? Uh-Huh…

Who among us, doesn’t believe in our democracy? Evidently it isn’t me. It’s those two “patriots” and millions like them.

Anyhoo…Schmoop told me to let all of this go. She said that these people aren’t worth it…And she’s right.

However…

Just like I need to call out a jerk who thinks that all that I am is a schmuck who works at a Beer Drive-Thru, I need to call out the stupid that exists in this country.

I’m much more than a schmuck, and this country is much more than a land of morons.

The informed majority, whether they agree with this administration or not, need to speak up…and speak out. And most importantly, do it in a learned way.

Cheers!!

Strange Bedfellows and Serious Meat

Wow…What a night it was if you are even just a casual follower of politics.

Super Tuesday was just that, somewhat Super. I was glued to my TV, while feasting on my Last Supper.

It was a Donatos Serious Meat Pizza with Chicken Wings. Yum-Oh!! But I digress...

After last night, John “There Will Be More Wars” McCain has now nearly reached the half way point in getting the number of delegates needed to capture the GOP nomination.

And the Democrats? Obama won more states, and Hillary Clinton won the big states.

Hillary “Hated By People, Who Don’t Know Why” Clinton is currently up by a mere 100 delegates or so on Barack “The Middle Class Messiah” Obama.

And what about the others in the race?

Mike “Sodomite Smiter” Huckabee won five states, mainly in the Bible-Thumpin’, Sister Marrying, south (odd how those two differing adjectives both apply to that region)…Sorry Jay.

Mitt “Aqua Net Man” Romney won several states in the west including Utah. A major factor in Romney’s victory in the Beehive State was capturing 100% of the vote of the 37,897 direct descendants of Brigham Young.

Watch out Obama!! If Romney captures the White House, black people may go back to being thought of as creations of the Devil.

So, what does all of this mean? It means we still have Huckabee around to make fun of. There is some talk that a McCain/Huckabee ticket is in the works should McCain continue to win and capture the GOP nomination.

After several hours of crying should those two capture the Oval Office come November, the potential humor factor of that administration would be unlimited.

Can you imagine…We’d have President God Dammit and Vice-President God Bless You.

These two together would be like having Patton and Gandhi, Attila the Hun and St. Augustine, or Ike and Tina Turner (with the beatings, but minus the provocative hip shaking) running our country…

Wouldn’t be our best years, but they could be our funniest years.

And now, let’s put a little God into the post, shall we? Today is the day folks. It is Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent.

It's the the beginning of my journey towards redemption, a journey fraught with Kidney Beans, Peanut Butter, fish sticks, and incredibly firm bowel movements.

As you can see from the picture, I have the obligatory blessed ashes upon my ever expanding forehead.

Prior to applying these ashes from an extinguished Basic Full Flavor cigarette, I blessed them underneath my framed Eddie Money album cover signed by Mr. Money himself.

Let the Devil tempt me as he may. Let the ghost of Dave Thomas armed with a Wendy’s Double w/Cheese, haunt me in my dreams…

I shall not waiver nor stray from my 46 day vow of piety and meatlessness. Praise Jeebus, and let the Holy battle begin.

I will answer your Presidential issue questions tomorrow. Have a lovely Hump Day, and as always…

Cheers!!