Using Another's Path Doesn't Make You A Follower

“I got to say, you get absolutely no support from me. It's not that I don't want to see you succeed in your own personal sacrifice (that's a good thing) but to do it when the church is doing it, that's sucking up to the church…” --Micky-T

My buddy Mick uttered those words in a comment to me yesterday as I began my 46 day long Lenten sacrifice of not eating bread, pasta, etc.

I was slightly amused at first, because I know how Mick hates the Catholic Church and many religious things in general. And…that’s cool, the Mick-Man is his own man and a good guy.

I thoughtfully pondered his comment. Within my mind Mick’s comment raised a good point, but not the one which he had initially proffered.

Allow me to ‘splain…

Four years ago I began giving up meat for Lent. Well, that had become easy and lacked challenge. I almost looked forward to it, because it offered me an opportunity to come up with off the wall meatless recipes for six weeks a year.

So this year, I opted for giving up bread, pasta, and the like…and that’s where we are today.

Of course…that doesn’t answer the question of why I began doing this, nor does it address the concerns raised by the aforementioned Mick.

Back in 2005, before I even began this site, I had ballooned up to 270 pounds and started dieting. Four years ago, I still weighed some 225 pounds. I had hit my wall. I couldn’t lose anymore weight.

I had just gotten my Driver’s License in February of '06 and I hated the picture on it. My head was incredible evidence of how big I had gotten, and I didn‘t like it. In fact, I hated myself. So…

Lent was drawing nigh and I thought…What can I do to push myself over this wall of weight stalemate? And then it dawned on me.

Lent is coming up, I’ll give up meat for those six weeks and eat healthier. I managed to make it through the first Lent and continued the same the sacrifice up to this year.

Today I weigh 173 pounds, and as far as that part of my life goes, I dig it.

I weigh less than I did in High School, although the weight has shifted since then, and I had more teeth and hair, so I still looked better in High School than I do today, but nonetheless…

But, it goes far beyond the weight thing. When my No Knead for the Devil Tour is done come Easter, I will feel better about myself because I accomplished something.

You see…I’m pretty smart, fairly creative, and a hard worker, but I lack discipline. I’m a big picture kinda guy who says, “Fuck the details.”

Using Lent as a timeline to get something done gives me structure for at least part of the year, and it affords me the opportunity to know that if I put my mind to something I can get it done.

It’s not at all about the Catholic Church, but it does in a roundabout way have something to do with religious teachings.

How can I, as it is written in Leviticus, love thy neighbor as thy self, if I don’t love myself? How can I do unto others, as the Sermon on the Mount teaches us, if I don’t want to do a damn thing myself?

No, this has nothing to do with any church, Catholic or otherwise. This is all about making myself a better person. A stronger person. A person who can answer the call when met with change and challenge.

And yes…it really is that simple. I like doing it for myself.

Before I go, I want to post a video for Clay Perry. He made me laugh last night and he digs Schmoop so here it is…

A Half Naked Thursday video that Schmoop and I did a year or so ago. She’s uber-cute at the very end. Enjoy.

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Drink Up Bitches, It's a Celebration

It's gonna be a partly cloudy Sabbath in Bagwine, Ohio today.

Today is not only Super Bowl Sunday, it's my birthday...and Chris Rock's as well. I dig Chris Rock. Anyhoo...

Since it is my birthday, I want to have sex. Yeah, I'm up front like that. Alas, my BFF/OSP is ragging. Oh shuddup...She is. Her basement is flooding. Nothing we can do about that, except show her picture again...

Mmmmmmmm. Schmoop. If only you weren't setting forth in motion the things that Eve did. Oy.

Anyway..since Schmoop is in "the way", I thought I'd post pictures of some Bagwine readers that I'd like to hose...Keep in mind, because I'm a good egg, I hid their identities...

This ghostly chick makes my skin crawl, and not in a bad way. I dig chicks with glasses.


This woman? Shuddup. What's not to like? I mean other than she has kids.


I dig this woman alot...even if she is retarded...

I like boobs...but it has nothing to do with this photo. I like this woman for her choice in apparel. No, really.

What the hell is this shit, Matt-Man, you ask? I'll tell you what. A fricking nice ass, that's what. Pass me the Creamy Cucumber, I'm tossin' salad.

Lastly, we have this sweet thing. I couldn't hide the identity of this piece of meat. I love him too much to guise my feelings.

I love you Mick...be my Birthday Boy...please?

Have a wunnerful Super Bowl Sunday All...I have to work, but will be off by 7, so I will catch most of the game.

I know...you were concerned about that.

Cheers!!

P.S. Pizza Bill is making a pizza for me for my birthday. As much as I make fun of him, it's all in jest. Bill is a-okay...when he's not stealing from the drawer. Thanks Bill, alot...and I mean that.

Kanye West, ACORN, and Mary Travers...They All Leave Me Lonely

Today…I have a void in my life.

I am floating within an emotional chasm. My heart and soul are empty.

Today is Thursday, my day off. A day on which I typically hang out with Schmoop. Alas, Schmoop’s boss is having her work five days this week.

That is a good change of events monetarily, but it has left me sullen, sad, and alone.

I am taking her to work this morning, carting Ryno off to school, but from 8:15 until 3:00 when I pick him up, I will be pacing and moping aimlessly through the Bagwine digs.

I’ll be all dressed up, and have no one to get undressed with. My world has been knocked off its axis.

I could ring up Kanye West and see if he’d like to hang for awhile.

As I live across from a hospital, we could sit on the porch of the apartment building and make fun of the people going in and out of the Emergency Room.

Kanye could shout, “Hey Bitch!! You call that a fracture? I’ll give ya a fracture!!” Eh, that would be fun for awhile, but I can see him getting on my nerves.

Having my past connections with SEIU, I could call the ACORN office in Columbus and ask if they could send me some underage El Salvadoran prostitutes.

That’s not a good idea either…I mean, young chicks who have grown up subsisting on fetid water, sorghum, and dirt during their formative years, can’t be very attractive, nor very well-built.

I could call up these two nut jobs and see if they’d like to party with me during my emotional exile…

Ol’ Mick and Phfrankie look gangsta good in their Bagwine wear, don’t they? Not going to happen though…They’re too far away.

Heavy sigh…Heavy, Heavy sigh.

I guess I am just looking for a friend for a few hours. Would any of you like to be my special friend?

If you stop by, I’ll make lunch for you. We could chat, laugh, and just hang out. I don’t bite. I am actually a pretty nice guy.

If you’d like to be Matt-Man’s friend today, drop him a line. Matt-Man is very sad, and when Matt-Man is sad, he begins to talk in a self-absorbed third person kinda way.

Do you really want that? I know that Matt-Man doesn’t. Matt-Man finds it annoying as well.

Call, stop by, or email Matt-Man and make my first person sadness and his third person madness stop.

Matt-Man is counting on you.

Cheers!!

Addendum: As I was typing this, I read that Mary Travers of Peter, Paul, and Mary has passed away from leukemia at the age of 72.

As a lover of folk music in general, and Peter, Paul and Mary in particular, I am saddened.

I saw Peter, Paul, and Mary in concert in 1992, and they were fantastic.

If you are going to be my special friend and drop by today, expect to hear P,P and M music bouncing off of the walls as we chat.

Here’s to Mary Travers…In death, may she find the peace and harmony that she sang about during her life.

What a Weekend

Wow…

What a wacky couple of days it has been.

Micky-T shared a thousand and one stories with me between cans of beer, shots of Rose, and Cassano’s Pizza.

He also shared a crew hat that he wore aboard a ship he served with Ryno. In his graciousness, he passed it on to Ryno as a birthday gift.


Mick, that was very nice of you, and he had it on when I called him this morning. Thanks again for that, and for the “made with skill and care by Bic” glass stocking.

I, Ryno, and Schmoop appreciated you taking the time to come up here. However, the bill I received in your name today from Tanya’s Hot House of Healing Hands, that read, “Charge it to Matt-Man, Bitch.”, took me aback.

We should discuss that financial matter soon. We should also discuss what services that you received that came to a total of $732.58. That’s a helluva lot of “healing”.

I hope that everyone is enjoying their weekend.

I must go now and get ready for a day with Ryno.

Ryno and I are going to pick up a couple of pumpkins for his Mom…Grab some lunch, and then catch the 1:30 viewing of the movie, “W”.

Good times…good times.

So with that, I will bid you all a lovely Saturday and a sexually satisfying weekend. My sexually satisfying weekend began last night.

Rowrrrrrrr. Schmoop, who knew at the age of 42, you could still move that way? Yum.

Cheers!!

The Visitor

Hiya Kids…

Haven’t seen you in ages. Okay, since the better part of yesterday. Anyhoo…

I’ll be tied up again today for two reasons.

Mix-Master Mick and His Travelin’ Funk Show are in town for day two of his tour.

Yesterday, Mick and I shared some chamomile tea, cinnamon rolls, and pleasant conversation.

Later, Schmoop arrived home with buttermilk and biscuits for all.

What? You don’t believe me? That’s good, because I’m lying. I am typing this with quivering hands and my head in my keyboard..

Mick and I spent yesterday trading stories, drinking beer, and eating a local favorite...(No you pervs, not West-End Chloe)...Cassano’s Pizza, you bastards.

Things got out of hand when Mick started making love to my beloved Kelly. I caught him in the act…

He's such a whore dog.

Today, Mick and I have to get down to work…The nature of which I can’t reveal to you. But trust me, it could be world changing.

So, here’s to the Mickster and well, here’s to us. Let’s get cracking Mick.

One other thing. Today is the 14th birthday of my best buddy in the world. My son, Ryno.


Happy Birthday Buddy. Next to the free sex buffet I experienced at Miko’s Kimchee Pot Lounge, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Kidding…I kid because I love, sport. Anyway you aren’t allowed to read my blog, so you won’t see this. And you won’t see it until you are like 30, or something.

But seriously, Happy 14th Birthday to the R-Man. I love him so.

With that being said, I have to go drink more coffee so I can drink more beer with Mick today.

I’ll be hit and miss again today as we work on our life altering project. Have a joyous Friday and a great weekend, all.

Cheers!!

C'mon Get Happy!!

Well yesterday was certainly fun here at Bagwine Ruminations.

I was a bit surprised by some of your hurtful and malicious comments towards others. I am so glad that I was able, to once again, stay above the fray.

I for one, refuse to be dragged down into the mud and launch into political propaganda and invectives. I like to remain clean and articulate.

I swear; you guys should be ashamed of yourselves.

However, I am more than willing to forgive you all, so consider yourselves exculpated. (Hey Hoot, that means forgiven, cleared, absolved etc.)

Anyhoo, I am going to display a much lighter, carefree attitude today. I am off for the next three days and wish not to spend the time carrying around a heavy heart.

So, no cheap McCain jokes today. I will leave Johnny Mac alone. I don’t even know why I pick on him so.

I mean, what’s not to like about the grandfatherly Senator? He’s seems like he would be fun to sit down with and engage in a rousing game of pinochle or dominos.

Perhaps, mosey over to the assisted living complex dining room with him after our game and grab the early bird special.

And then, share a joke, a handshake, and still make it into bed for a good night’s sleep prior to the six o’clock news coming on.

But, still…I just can’t vote for the guy. I wasn’t sure why, but then Schmoop put her finger on it the other day.

Schmoop in her folksy, yet esoteric way said, “I will never vote for a Presidential candidate who is unable to High-Five me.”

Beauty and Brains…Her statement erased any doubts that I had, and put me squarely into the Obama camp. High-Five, Schmoop, High-Five.

So with that, I must ready myself for the impending visit of Micky-T. I wish him safe travels and shall see him later today.

But before I go, and in keeping with my light-hearted mood, I leave you with a bouncy little ditty by the Irish Rovers…Lily the Pink.

Have a great day all…

Cheers!!

A Week of Birthdays, Bagwine, and Buddies

What a wacky week this is turning out to be.

First, I managed to get Thursday, Friday, and Saturday off. That’s right…three, count em’…THREE consecutive days off.

My mind, soul, and wanker are dripping with anticipatory glee. My liver is cringing with anticipatory dread.

Oh yeah, it’s gonna get a titanic workout over those seventy-two hours of Caligula-like debauchery. Boo Yah!!

Friday, my son, Ryno, will be marking his 14th birthday. We aren’t doing anything on that day specifically.

However, his mom’s family is having a party for him on Saturday, and I am taking him to the movies earlier in the day Saturday.

What are him and I going to see? Well my sweet, charming, sarcastic 14 year old boy wants to see…

Oliver Stone’s, “W”.

Me, my son, Dubya, and a big ol’ bucket of buttery popcorn…it should be a gas.

But really…You are probably thinking, “Okay, a movie and probably a couple of birthday presents given to the little shit; is that really wacky, Matt-Man?”

My Bagwine buddies, let me tell you. The wackiness comes a couple of days prior to our cinematic natal celebration.

Thursday morning I am going to get up early. I’m going to drink a pot of coffee, shower, shave, and actually put pants on.

Why, you ask? Let me tell ya.

Prior to my cock crowing Thursday morning, a man from the Volunteer State is going to hop in a car, leave his palatial estate and begin motoring north by northwest.

With his newly repaired shoulder helping to steer the way, he will drive for a few hours towards the Mad River Valley…destination?

Bagwine, Ohio.

That’s right kids. Bagwine’s favorite sailor, Micky-T, is coming to visit our fine hamlet Thursday.

Mick, (or as the cool, rap happy kids call him, Mix-Master Mick and his Travelin’ Funk Show) and I are going to kick it on the streets of Bagwine.

As soon as I found out that he was coming here, I got goosebumps…or hives…or maybe it was scabies. No matter what it was, I’ll have it checked out prior to his arrival.

It should be a good time full of Wild Irish Rose and Loosemeat sandwiches.

I’m sure there will be pictures of the event as well as more than a few feet of security camera videotape which I can You Tube for you all later.

So there you have it folks…A week of Matt-Man, Mick, and Ryno.

If you have a heart, you’ll wish us well, and pray for Schmoop’s sanity.

Cheers!!