Our House

Living in a box.

I, for one, like apartment living. You might even say, I love it.

Many years ago, I had a house. Um…well it wasn’t mine, as I was told many, many times, but a house it was.

I took care of everything. From the lawn, trash, dog poop pickup, and the house maintenance. Oh, and I painted the inside, and the outside. Who’s stupid? This girl.

Anyhoodle, I got out of that situation many years later, in a most hasty fashion.

Since then, I’ve had an apartment in a “secure” building on the other side of town.

I love it here. If something breaks, I call the apartment manager. If I need service of any kind, I call the apartment manager. Hell, if I want to chat, I call the apartment manager! She is fantastic.

No lawn to take care of, no painting the outside of the building, not six cans of trash full of beer bottles at the curb every week. I used to hide from the trash man.

Now I drink cans;)

Personally, I don’t see any reason to own a home. I don’t have kids. I’m completely estranged from most of my family. What happens when I die? Who would take care of the estate? No one.

I certainly wouldn’t burden Matt-Man with something like that. Nor would he burden me. I do wish I had a lawn for him to putter in, as he loves it so, but I don’t.

I would really like to have a two bedroom place one day. I’d like to have a space for an office, or a studio if you will. A spot for all the equipment we’d one day like to have. 

Oh, and a futon. I’ve always wanted a futon. I think I just like to say futon.

It’s nice here (don’t look in the closets). It’s not completely scrubbed, but it’s clean, and neat. Matt-Man likes it here. We are comfortable, and happy.

It may be small, and not “ours”, but it’s home.

That is what matters. Home.

Zoooooves!!

Rug Burns and Fishing Poles

It is done peoples…

As it is so close to the 4th of July...

Schmoop and I have appropriately enough, gained our independence from stained, yellowish walls and threadbare carpet that was put down sometime between the Nixon and Carter administrations.

The painting (other than some touch ups) is done and the new carpet has been laid.

No pictures yet, as we have yet to put everything back into place, but let me tellz ya…

We are getting rid of quite a bit of our crap and keeping pictures, knick knacks, and the such to a minimum. Our Love Shack will be looking sleek.

Hell, Schmoop got rid of the bed frame and has the box and the mattress directly on the floor of the bedroom.

As we are both off today, later in the afternoon and evening, we are going to break in the new carpet and see what kind of rug burn patterns it puts on Schmoop’s knees.

I guess when we’re done breaking it in, we will also find out if the carpet is stain resistant. I’ll report back to you with the results.

First off on this glorious Thursday, I am going fishing with Ryno this morning. My brother Vinny is coming along with us.

As my brother Vince is a bit of an oddball, the pictures from our angling expedition should be a hoot. If I happen to shoot a video of Vinny fishing, trust me on this…

The visuals and the dialogue of the V-Man will be like watching Babe Winkelman meets Federico Fellini.

Anyhoo…Wednesday was a long day and night, so that is all that I have. But keeping in line with our Independence Day celebration this week, I leave you with two classic Inky and Lola cartoons…





Enjoy your Thursday all...If you're not around tomorrow for me to tell you, let me say this now...

Have a safe and sex filled 4th of July. I will and I may even give you a preview of it tomorrow.

Cheers!!

The Evolution of the Bagwine Abode

I'm still sanding, filling holes, and painting, but at least my schedule is back to normal starting today.

Instead of working during the blinding light of the day, I am back on my evening hours, and thus I get to see more of you lovable miscreants.

Anyhoo...I have some pictures of the Bagwine abode. Pictures that show the walls stripped bare, scratched up from sandpaper, and ready to roll in latex.

I warn you; these "pre-painted" pictures are not for the faint of heart. Here's the Bagwine abode before the rejuvenation...

Looking up towards the ceiling as one would enter the hallway...Some may ask...Matt? Are you going to be lazy and paint around the mirror? Ha. Of course not...I'm going to paint right over the reflective muthafuckah!!

This is the corner of the living room where I look at porn our computer sits.

We have taken down the famous green and white Bagwine slat blinds and they're already in the dumpster. I wanted to temporarily put a sheet over the window to give the place that "crack house" look, but I didn't. The Chinese Lanterns? Oh, they'll be going back up, Bitches!!


The Bagwine Holiday Tree in all of it's 4th of July glory. The wall has a slathering of the new paint on it. The color is called "Silken Gray"...The name alone, fills the apartment with a gentle, foggy, calm..........or something.

So there's a few before pictures fer ya. A little painting today. A full day of painting on my day off tomorrow, we'll finish up sometime on Saturday, and await the new carpet that is coming late next week.

I know how ya feel. This post was pretty damn exciting for me too. I'll try to dial back the excitement level when preparing tomorrow's offering.

Cheers!!

Matt-Man: Back Into the Closet

My fellow prisoners...er...citizens, I am off ALL day today, and I am going to be whooping it up. You know how?

While plying myself with alcohol, I am going to bite the bullet and clean my closet out. Yeah I know, I'm a rebel...living on the edge.

After losing alot of weight, I have a ton of clothes that simply do not fit any longer. I am going to box and bag them up and take them to Goodwill.

Let me show you the mess that confronts me...

Here's a picture of my closet with the door ajar. Lovely, no?

Here's the rack. Nice rack, eh? See that Black and White checked coat. A Matt-Man Classic.

Here's a picture that shows all of the ill-fitting clothes lying upon the floor. SEIU shirts, Hawaiian shirts, some fit...most do not.

The shelf...Not too bad. Mostly summer clothes. They are mainly shorts and sleeveless shirts that show off my sexy legs and my non-existent HUGE biceps.

Here we have...What the? How the Hell did this picture get in here? Holy Crap!!

Oh my, have I ever mentioned that Schmoop has more than a bit of an overbite? Quite the "scraper" is our dear, dear Schmoop.

After all of my hard cleaning of the closet (and the sheets), I am going to relax with some more Rose, some beer, and this...

Damn straight...I am cooking bacon tonight. Mmmmmmm Bacon!! I have no idea what Schmoop is going to eat.

Perhaps, another serving of Matt-Zo Balls!!

Enjoy your Thursday, all.

Cheers!!

Bagwine Video Home Tour: The Bedroom

Well I have videoed the final room of the Bagwine Digs...The Bedroom.

It's really not all that humorous.

If I had filmed myself having sex in there, now that would have been funny...not to mention, a rarity.

I went kinda quickly so as to keep it at 5 minutes, and I almost achieved just that.

Please enjoy yet another Bagwine cinematic masterpiece.


Wasn't that just a splendid, ill-lit piece of video? Of course it was, and I hope you enjoyed the experience.

I haven't received any Matt-Man for President T-Shirt designs from you, other than the idea from the lovely Knight.

C'mon folks, throw me a friggin' bone...Lest I throw mine your way.

I don't know what is on tap for tomorrow, but Thursday...oh man, look out!!

Thursday will mark my final installment of Half-Nekkid Thursday. The reasons will SHOCK you!!

Until tomorrow...

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: I Really Do Deserve Salvation

It’s a beautiful Sunday in Bagwine, Ohio in spite of the fact that I have to work all day.

It is a bit of a bummer, however…

I ruined yesterday for some one that I love. Oh, I am sure I know how, (sorta) but the reasons still perplex me. It doesn’t seem justified.

I want to apologize, but I find myself at a loss. Anyway, to that person, I am unhappy that you are angry, but knowing you and what we have been through…I say the following…

Unable to find a reason to apologize…I will say this to you…

I love you. I am sorry. But from this day forward; Hold yourself up to the same elusive standard that you have placed upon me.

Amen, and Amen…

Now that I have that out of my system…The Bagwine Ruminations Comment of the Week.

This week the comment is the following:

“Hey, the chick flipping her hair on your sidebar is completely irritating.”

Not all that funny, however quite true if you have seen the ad. But here’s the thing…

Desert Rat, who made the comment, has had a BODY (Mmmm, I said body) of work over time that is always insightful, smart, and humorous.

I like that…a lot.

Smart, funny chicks turn me on. (Do you hear me Dianne!!?)

And so, with that, and because of that, Desert Rat gets the COW…or is that all?

I went to her site yesterday, and saw a video that she did. It is of her singing our National Anthem. For me, it sealed the deal.

Although, she will probably kill me, here it is…please watch the short video…

And when you're done, please go say Hi by clicking HERE....

And now, as promised…here’s my trip to the Drive-Thru. I hope you enjoy, because that is where I’ll be all day.

Cheers!!

If you get a chance, listen to Turnbaby's Blog Talk Radio Show tonight at 8 EDT.

For details, click HERE.

Bagwine Video Home Tour: The Kitchen

And now I present, a video tour of the Bagwine Kitchen...

If you have missed the previous rooms of this exciting and spacious abode, just click on the label below that says, "Bagwine Home Tour".

And now, our coded message to the vacationing Dana...

The weasel sees a ferret, the weasel sees a ferret. Bok Choy, and fly me to the moon.

Cheers!!

Ladies and Gentlemen...My Legacy

My 13 year old, comedian-in-training and I went to lunch yesterday.

We had a very nice time…

Well except for a guy sitting behind us who was talking to his friend about his masterful exploits on the softball diamond.

That unbuttoned shirt, gold chain wearin’ ass clown, bellowed louder and with more bravado than Bill O’Reilly.

For the record, I had a most tasty club sandwich and fries. And Ryno…?

He had a three egg omelet made with ham, sausage, Swiss cheese and cheddar cheese sauce.

He also had two large Cokes, three pancakes, and a plateful of Hash Browns. Like I said, he’s 13, and very hungry.

Afterwards, being the most gracious man that I am, we stopped at Holy Cow Ice Cream Barn and picked up some ice cream for his mom.

Caramel-Banana Ice Cream to be exact. I know, I am selfless.

We shot a short video while traveling from the Barn to his house…my old house…that I landscaped, and paid for..and…well…anyway…

You wouldn’t notice it, but what cracks me up is that his voice is changing.

His voice reminds me of the perils encountered by a young Peter Brady.

So without further adieu…I present to you my precious, carbon-based, teenage testosterone machine, in fact my legacy, Ryno!!

Cheers!!

The Simple Things in Life

I have been posting for two years now.

And for the last year, seven days a week at that, so it’s catching up with me.

Even to the point where I have been lax in commenting on my favorite sites.

I have gotten a bit burned out as far as writing goes, so I have kinda changed my course.

I have, as I mentioned in my Road Trip video, taken a page from funny man Jay’s play book.

While I can’t say, “Hola, Bitches”, as humorously as Mr. Cynical Bastard, vlogging really takes the pressure off of trying to write something funny.

So, yet another video from me to you.

Simple things that make me happy…

One last note…

I am thinking about doing a 2009 Bagwine Ruminations Wall Calendar.

A calendar full of pictures of me in the Bagwine, Ohio environs and full of humorous Matt-Manisms.

If you would like to have your site advertised on say your birthday or whatever day you choose, let me know via e-mail.

I won’t charge you for the spot. I just ask that you purchase one should I get enough interest to have them made, and at a cost that we can all live with.

I’ll see you all tomorrow for Half-Nekkid Thursday.

Cheers!!

Sunday Morning Church Disservice: Road Trip!!

It was such a beautiful Sunday morning here in Bagwine, Ohio, that I felt compelled to share it with you.

Join me on a short, leisurely Sunday drive as I make my way to my former abode.

Enjoy your Sunday, I'll be spending mine working!!

Amen, and Cheers!!




Feel like Man Bashing? Join Turnbaby on her Blog Talk Radio Show tonight at 8 EDT. For details, click HERE.

Bagwine Video Home Tour: The Bathroom

Here ya go folks!! Enjoy the tour of the Bagwine Bathroom with me as your tour guide.

Cheers!!

And Now...A Programming Note

Good Tuesday morning to you all.

Today's Bagwine Rumination will be posted between 10:30 and 11:00 A.M.

We will be continuing the Bagwine Home Video Tour.

Today's room: The Bagwine Bathroom.

If you missed the video tour of the Bagwine Living Room, click HERE.

See ya then.

Cheers!!

Welcome to My World...

I have decided to break the Bagwine home tour into segments.

Today's room...The Living Room.

Have a lovely Friday. I have to work tonight, dammit!!

Cheers!!